Title

Curve Vol.27 No.04 Aug-Sep 2017 See all items with this value

Description

ToC Know Your She-ology (p20); Color My Nuptials (p36); Best Queer Unions (p38); Special Section: Weddings (p46); Couples Who Can (p56); Mary Lambert's Return (p60); Puerto Rico, Please (p67); Richmond's Rewards (p76); Cover: Young M.A. Up Close (p64). See all items with this value

volume

27 See all items with this value

issue

4

Date Issued

Aug-Sep 2017

Format

PDF/A

Publisher

Frances Stevens

Identifier

Curve_Vol27_No4_August-September-2017_OCR_PDFa.pdf

Subject

Lesbian Culture See all items with this value

LGBTQ+ magazines See all items with this value

Queer history See all items with this value

Sex education See all items with this value

LGBTQ+ weddings See all items with this value

LGBTQ+ musicians See all items with this value

extracted text

MENTION "CDL17" WHEN YOU CALL

Celebrate Olivia
Through The Decades

Luxurious
Accommodations

Gorgeous Views

Exciting Activities

& Exotic Destinations

& Star Entertainment

THETRAVELCOMPANYFORLESBIANS

OLIVIA.COM· (415) 962-5700 X1
New Friendships

& Lifelong Memories

G oliviacompanies

G oliviatravels

O oliviatravel

O oliviatravel
CST#1009281040

AUG/SEP
2017
FEATURES

20

KNOW YOUR SHE-OLOGY
Are you taking care of your
sexual and physical health?

36

COLOR MY NUPTIALS
Go beyond white with this
vibrant boho-chic look.

38
BEST QUEER UNIONS
dapperQ presents the
most stylish weddings and
engagements of late.

~6
SPECIAL SECTION:
WEDDINGS
Ideas and experiences from
brides who know how to make
the most of your big day.

56

COUPLES WHO CAN
These women love, live and
work together.

60

MARY LAMBERT'S RETURN
The singer-songwriter's new
album delivers a message of
love and empowerment.

67

PUERTO RICO, PLEASE
Ditch the passport and travel
to paradise for your tropical
wedding or honeymoon.

76
RICHMOND'S REWARDS
The Virginia city welcomes
lesbian couples.

2

CURVE

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2017

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

IN EVERYISSUE
4

EDITOR'S NOTE

6

CURVETTES

8

FEEDBACK

10

THE GAYDAR

80

STARS

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

TRENDS

REVIEWS

11 OUT IN FRONT
Meet the community leaders
who are doing us proud. By
Sheryl Kay

24 FILMS
A new film focuses on new
love in the Heartland. By Sanya
Franich

11 IN CASE YOU MISSED
IT ... LGBT news from across
the country.

26 MUSIC
Post-breakup with Megan
Rapinoe, Sera Cahoone
discusses her new album. By
Kelly McCartney

12 WOMEN WE LOVE
Each issue we pick a lucky lady
with a look and a life to match.
13 CURVE CONFIDENTIAL
What's new and noteworthy
with our favorite celesbians.
By Chloe Curran

VIEWS
16 POLITICS
Deep thoughts and heartfelt
convictions on a different topic
each issue from our contributing politics editor. By Victoria
A. Brownworth
18 ISSUES
Our in-depth look into a hot
button topic affecting queer
women worldwide.

28 BOOKS
Excellent reading, whether
it's celebrating a lifetime of
activism and travel or finding
true love and plannning your
wedding.
33 SEX
Are you at risk for HPV and oral
cancer? Find out how to protect yourself I By Dr. Elizabeth
Franzmann

LAST LOOK
79 CROSSWORD
Can you tame our Queer Quiz?
By Myles Mellor

AUG/SEP

2017

CURVE

3

Love-and
T~egislation-Is

AllYouNeed

I

t wasn't so long ago that many conservatives, Mike Pence
included, were proclaiming that "gay marriage" would
devalue all marriage, destroy the family unit, and cause the
downfall of society. In 2011, in an interview with the New York
Times, Donald Trump compared same-sex marriage to a golfing
trend. "It's weird. You see these great players with these really
long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore.
And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous
friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist."
A book I never hoped to see published or imagined having to
read is The Trump Survival Guide by Gene Stone, "dedicated to
the American ideal that our nation is governed by the majority
but never at the expense of the minority." LGBTQfolks are finding
themselves in a minority that is being nudged to the margins, if
not erased, by the current administration. While I want to believe
that "love is all you need," legislation does matter. I would not be
writing this without the Obergefell Supreme Court ruling that
made same-sex marriage a nationwide right. More than 100 anti-

4

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AUG/SEP

2017

LGBT bills have been introduced in 29 states in the five months
since Donald Trump took office. So far, a proposed roll-back of
same-sex marriage isn't one of those bills, and it would seem to
go against the beliefs of many, including American Millennials.
A 2015 Boston Globe survey found that 82 percent of Millennial
Democrats and 59 percent of Millennial Republicans supported
same-sex marriage. Those figures would probably be higher
today.
Marriage equality in the U.S. has seen LGBT couples increase
spending and formality on ceremonies. Acceptance has
also increased. According to a recent study by Community
Marketing & Insights, 60 percent of couples say their parents
were supportive of their marriage.
In May, soccer player Abby Wambach married her fiancee,
Christian blogger Glennon Doyle Melton and shared the news
on lnstagram with an image of Wambach in a sweatshirt with
the logo "Christian Mommy Blogger's Wife." It shouldn't matter if
you're queer or Christian or both-you should be able to marry
the love of your life. You should even be able to divorce the love
or your life, if things don't work out. Since we're accustomed to
experiencing ourselves as outlaws and our relationships as not
socially condoned or legally binding, you may want to consider
investing in a book like Before I Do: A Legal Guide to Marriage,
Gay and Otherwise by Elizabeth F. Schwartz.
This is our Love issue, and inside we celebrate many formal
expressions of love and commitment from diverse couples in
different locations. We also remind readers to safeguard their
health-sexual, psychological, and physical-which still needs
to be maintained even within a committed relationship. Love
isn't as random as Cupid's arrow. Getting it and keeping it need
to be worked at. Decades of activism and visibility gave us the
right to formalize our romantic unions-and vigilance will give
us the right keep it.

/JJ/7
MERRYNJOHNS
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

[email protected]
@Merryn1

W

DOWNLOAD
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RONTtCURVETTES

DR.SHERRYA. ROSS
Dr. Sherry A. Ross is an award-winning OB/GYN,
entrepreneur, women's health expert, and author of
the upcoming book, She-ology: The Definitive Guide to
Women's Intimate Health. Period., which launched in
April 2017. Her mission is to change the narrative on how
women talk about their intimate health and their overall
well-being, especially lesbians and bisexual women.
Read her advice on maintaining your sexual health on
page 20. Visit her at drsherry.com

curve
THE BEST-SELLING

AUG/SEP

LESBIAN

2017 » VOLUME

MAGAZINE

27 NUMBER

4

PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens

EDITORIAL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Merryn Johns
SENIORCOPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Marcie Bianco, Victoria A.
Brownworth, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Anita Dolce Vita,
Sheryl Kay, Gillian Kendall, Dave Steinfeld
EDITORIALASSISTANTSGemma Dart

OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran

PROOFING

CHLOE CURRAN
Chloe was a staff writer for lesbian website AfterEllen.
com for four years. Her writing has appeared in Jezebel,
Playboy, The Good Men Project, Offbeat Magazine, and
xoJane. She is currently an entertainment columnist for
CurveMag.com, covering celsbian gossip in her online
Curve Confidential column. Chloe wrote and directed
ADVOCATES,a satirical workplace comedy webseries
set in a LGBTQ Nonprofit. Follow #AdvocatesWebSeries.
Chloe lives in Los Angeles and you can follow her on
Twitter at @HowTrite

PROOFREADERMarcie Bianco

ADVERTISING
NATIONAL SALES Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021
EMAIL [email protected]

ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Bruno Cesar Guimaraes

SOCIAL MEDIA
MANAGERGemma Dart

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Roxy Bourdillon, Kelsy Chauvin, Chloe
Curran, Jane Czyzselska, Mallorie DeRiggi, Dar Dowling,
Kristin Flickinger, Jessica Halem, Sarah Hasu, Kim Hoffman,
Charlene Lichtenstein, Sassafras Lowrey, Kelly McCartney,
Myles Mellor, Bella Qvist, Laurie K. Schenden, Janelle
Sorenson, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Lisa Tedesco

CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Steph Brusig, Erica Camille, Grace Chu, Meagan Cignoli,
Sara Lautman, Syd London, Maggie Parker, Diana Price, B.
Proud, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten

JILL GLEESON
Jill is a travel journalist and who lives and works in the
Appalachians of Central Pennsylvania. She has written
for Country Living, EDGE Media Network, Gothamist,
Washingtonian and Canadian Traveller. She writes a
bi-monthly column about travel and life for Woman's Day
online and is the travel editor of Faerie Magazine. This
year, she is upping the adventure by climbing Kilimanjaro
and Aconcagua, two of the world's Seven Summits. This
issue she writes about Richmond and Puerto Rico. Follow
her at gleesonreboots.com

KIRSTEN PALLADINO
Kirsten is an award-winning editor and writer, as well
as the author of of Equally Wed: The Ultimate Guide
to Planning Your LGBTQ+Wedding, which is featured
on page 46. She's the cofounder and editorial director
of equallywed.com, the world's leading digital LGBTQ
wedding magazine. Her work has appeared in The Knot,
Huffington Post, Out, The Advocate and Glamour. She
lives in Atlanta, Georgia. She was recognized as one of
Glamour magazine's Hometown Heroes for 2015. Follow
her on Twitter at @kirstenop

CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE (415) 871-0569
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070 (toll-free in US only)
ADVERTISINGEMAIL [email protected]
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LETTERSTO THE EDITOREMAIL [email protected]

Volume 27 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 6 times per
year (February/March, April/May, June/July, August/September,
October/ November/, December/January) by Avalon Media, LLC,
PO Box 467, New York NY 10034. Subscription price: $35/year, $45
Canadian (U.S. funds only) and $55 international (U.S. funds only).
Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing
offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not
be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or
photograph of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising
or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual
orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated.
Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and
artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be
returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included.
No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages. The contents
do not necessarily represent the opinions of the editor, unless
specifically stated. All magazines sent discreetly. Subscription
Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC., PO Box 467 New
York NY 10034, email [email protected] Canadian Agreement
Number: 40793029. Postmaster: Send address changes to jeannie@
curvemag.com, Curve, PO Box 17138,N. Hollywood, CA 91615-7138.
Printed in the U.S.

curvemag.com
6

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

YOU WORK

HARD

ALL YEAR.

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TO GIVE

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HOUR AT THE TROPICANA
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Relax on a luxurious
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house-

RONT /

FEEDBACK

GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS
Glad you previewed Different
For Girls from the UK. I'm a
fan of its honesty, naturalistic
acting and raw sexiness. No
one quite does drama like
us Brits. I recommend you
watch it while you're waiting
for the L Word remake.
Because, ahem-Rachel
Shelley and Guin Turner!
- Emily Upworth,
Brighton UK

BELOW THE BELT
Rad cover featuring Erika
Linder! I really loved this
film [Below Her Mouth] but
I got tired of snarky lesbians
online complaining about
the supposedly bad acting.
It's pretty a good film and
made totally by women.
How about we support our
own filmmakers instead of
nitpicking? You complain
about male-made films like
Blue Is the Warmest Color,
you complain about the
dead lesbian trope, and you
pirate download all the time.
Well here's a sexy lesbianmade movie where nobody
dies in the end, so what's
your beef? Yeah, lesbians eat
their own.
- Therese K., via email

COVER GIRL CRUSH
Oh my God. Those ice blue
eyes, those mischievous lips,
that was your hottest cover
ever. I want to know more
about Erika Linder. Who is
she dating and will she be
making any more movies? I
loved Below Her Mouth but
now I want morel Please give
us more of everything with
Erika Linder on topl
- Connie Wong, Singapore
THE POWER OF PROTEST
The article by Victoria
Brownworth made me weep
["From Pride to Protest,"
V.27#3]. I am a lifelong
lesbian activist with a
history of volunteering for
local causes. But it feels as
though all that activism,

all the getting angry and
coming out and standing
up and marching has been
for nothing. I am a cancer
survivor and my wife is on
disability, and she is also
a proud woman of color.
We are both strong women
but we are exhausted from
this struggle to free LGBT
peoples. I am tired. But
clearly we need to start
all over again because it
is not over yet. We must
persist. And so we will join
The Resistance and we will
remember all the women
who have come before us
such as Barbara Jordan. I
hope the younger ones join
hands with older women in
this fight. Happy Pridel
- Name withheld

WHAT
ISYOUR
IDEA
OFTHE
PERFECT
WEDDING?
9%

IN A CHURCH, SURROUNDED BY FRIENDSAND FAMILY.

65%

BAREFOOTON A BEACHSOMEWHERE.

24%

MAZEL TOV TO ME! l'M ALREADYHAPPILYMARRIED!

2%

l'M DIVORCED AND BACKON THE SCENE, BUT FEELINGGUN SHY.

WRITE
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
US!Email: [email protected]
Send to:

8

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/magazine
✓ subscribe
✓ pay your bill
✓ change address
✓ renew
✓ get missing issues
✓ give a gift

11 GIRL GAYDAR

13 CELESBIANGOSSIP

14 THEY SAID WHAT?

NEWS
GOSSIP
PROFILE
»

AUG/SEP

2017

CURVE

9

Gal Gadot sizzles as Wonder
Woman, wins scores of lesbian
fans

John McEnroe hits back at Margaret
Court, suggests a mass same-sex
wedding in Melbourne's Margaret Court
Arena
Naomi Watts has a
steamy lesbian kiss
in the new Netflix
psychological
thriller Gypsy. We're
still getting over
Mulholland Drive!

Chinese lesbian
dating app Rela
shuts down its five
million plus users and
disappears

~

A study from
the University
of Cyprus
claims that
lesbian desire
only exists
because men
find it a turnon? Um, that
would be porn

0
0

<(

Q

The explosion
of lesbian and
LGBT T-shirts
and tanks this
Pride. Make sure
you support the
most worthy!

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Beth Ditto dishes
to Vogue, describes
herself frankly and
fearlessly as a "fat
feminist lesbian"

Singer-songwriter LP
talks to Billboard about
her blatant gayness,
lesbian power icons
k.d., Melissa, Ellen,
and everyone on The
l Word

10

CURVE

AUG/SEP

Hollywood
star Diandra
Soares plays
lesbian in
web series
Love Life &
Screwups.
Her character
is in love with
a girl, but
under family
pressure is
engaged to a
man

Carmilla the lesbian vampire
movie based on the popular
web series begins shooting in
Toronto

2017

Ilene Chaiken tweets at L Word
cast members, hinting at an L
Word reboot. We hope and wish!

Stitchers Season 3
may introduce its first
lesbian couple, Camille
(Allison Scagliotti) and
Amanda (Anna Akana).
Here's hoping for a
Camanda storyline

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TRENDS/NEV.VS

MELISSA
THOMPSON
>>Tampa,
Florida
ClinicalSocialWorker
By day, Melissa Thompson is a clinical social worker,
providing therapy to children who have experienced sexual abuse, domestic violence, violent crime, and other
traumatic events.
"If children don't get help, the aftermath of a trauma
can be quite debilitating;' she says. "And so that's my job,
helping them process what's happened to them, so they
can move forward and get back to being a kid."
But there's a whole other side to Thompson. The
morning after the Pulse shooting in Orlando, Fla., she and
her partner immediately started to locate friends who
were in that area for the weekend. It was the first time in
Thompson's life that she'd had to account for the whereabouts of the people she loves. It pushed her to seek
ways to make a difference, concerning gun control.
"The next day, I got on line, intent on finding the leading organization in the country that works to advocate for
stronger gun legislation, and that's when I found Moms
Demand Action, the grassroots arm of Everytown for Gun
Safety;' she says.
And although this caped crusader has no kids,
Thompson still reached out to the group with deep
conviction. Today, she's the legislative lead for the state
of Florida, helping volunteers from across the state advocate for stronger legislation, and she represents Moms
Demand Action to local, state, and federal officials.
Thompson says the work is more important today
than it's ever been. Every day, she notes, 93 Americans
are killed by gun violence. We are 25 times more likely to
be murdered with a gun than people in other developed
countries. Ask her which of her local projects is the most
important and she'll tell you,
"I can't choose just one." Twelve bills that would make
it easier for criminals not to be convicted for shooting
someone are now pending in Florida.Theseinclude legislation that would allow guns on school campuses, that
would punish business owners who prohibit people from
carrying concealed weapons on their property, and that
would expand Florida's Stand Your Ground law.
"They are all so horrifying that it's difficult to grasp,"
she says. "The good news is that Florida has thousands of
committed Moms Demand Action members who aren't
going to let these dangerous bills go through."
- By Sheryl Kay

THE
RAINBOW
FLAG,
AN
INTERNATIONAL
SYMBOL
OF
LGBTO
PRIDE,
has received the addition of black and brown stripes by Philadelphia-based organization More Color More Pride. The organization's website states: "In 1978, artist Gilbert Baker designed
the original rainbow flag. An iconic symbol of LGBTQ+ unity. So
much has happened since then. A lot of good, but there's more
we can do. Especially when it comes to recognizing people of
color in the LGBTQ+ community. To fuel this important conversation, we've expanded the colors of the flag to include black and
brown. It may seem like a small step. But together we can make
big strides toward a truly inclusive community." The flag was developed by the City of Philadelphia, Philadelphia's Office of LGBT
Affairs, and brand agency Tierney.

• ALESBIAN
COUPLE
ATTACKED
in the New York City subway
were traveling to Brooklyn on
the Q train when 27-year-old
Antoine Thomas beat one
of the women unconscious
after getting into an argument
with her over a seat. Thomas,
who screamed "faggot" and
dyke;' is said to have physically
accosted the women on
purpose.

• THE
49VICTIMS
OFTHE
PULSE
massacre aside, the National
Coalition of Anti-Violence
Programs has tracked a 17
percent increase in anti-LGBT
homicides from 2015 to 2016
in the US. The NCAVPreport
shows that LGBTpeople
of color continue to be the
target of homophobic and
transphobic violence.

• JANE
AUSTEN
MAY
HAVE
HAD
lesbian sex, according to
biographer Lucy Worsley.
Austen frequently slept with
a female friend and never
married. According to Worsley
in Jane Austen at Home: A

Biography, Austen received
one marriage proposal,
which she accepted before
changing her mind. She later
advised her niece "anything
is to be preferred or endured
rather than marrying without
affection:'

• AUSTRALIAN
TENNIS
HERO
Margaret Court has sparked
media outrage after criticizing
out lesbian tennis players and
suggesting the profession is
sullied by lesbians. Tennis icon
Martina Navratilova has hit
back at Court stating that the
arena named after her should
be renamed.

• GUATEMALft:S
FIRST
LESBIAN
Congresswoman Sandra
Moran is pushing for reform
to outlaw discrimination and
hate crimes, and implement
sexual diversity and civil
unions for Guatemalan LGBTs.
Moran, who was elected in
January 2016, has focused on
identifying and prosecuting
anti-LGBT crimes and hopes to
be re-elected in 2019.

AUG/SEP

2017

CURVE

11

ON
HER
RELATIONSHIP
TO
THE
LGBT
COMMUNITY.
In a word: involved. For a long time I wasn't
involved; even though I was in a relationship
with a woman, we were relatively isolatedthe odd ones out amongst our straight
friends. It wasn't until we separated that I
found my community and 'came out: I'm
very fortunate to have an incredibly strong
and supportive queer community in
London. They give me so much strength
love and support, I don't know what the hell
I did before I found them!

He's also opened my eyes to how
gendered we are as a society, like how
our behavior is prescribed to us by our
assigned genders, and that's one of the
ON
PLAYING
TRANSGENDER
AS
ACIS
QUEER
WOMANON
PLAYS
WITH
LESBIAN
AND
TRANS
CHARACTERS
INTHE
AWARD-WINNING
PLAY,
ROTTERDAM. FINALLY
MAKING
ITTO
THE
MAINSTREAM. challenges Adrian comes up against in
I identify as queer and I'm so proud
I think that there has been a surge
the play-he is at the beginning of his
to be part of a play that stands so
in female-led narratives. I mean, you
transition and gets misgendered all the
strongly in solidarity with the LGBTQI
can only watch men dominating the
time. In a similar way that sexism and
community. I know that the producers
conversation and saving the world so
misogyny undermines and marginalizes
women, being misgendered or denied
and creative team did audition many
many times. Other voices are finally
cis and trans actors through personal
starting to be heard and that includes
the right to self-identify is damaging and
women, but there is still a long way to
alienating to that person. Gender binaries
contacts and by working with Gendered
Intelligence, the trans-acting group.
go before that becomes the norm. I look
are oppressive and unrepresentative of
It's always important that castings
our global society. The assumption that
forward to seeing LGBTQIcharacters
give full opportunity to all actors. The
included in storylines where they don't
there are only two gender identities is
biggest challenge was finding someone
just perpetually play out their identitiesvery damaging. I think both the UK and
who could act out the chronological
they just simply exist and get on with it.
US have some serious catching up to do!
progression of the script. In the end, I
understand that the choice was based
ON
WHAT
PLAYING
TRANS
HAS
TAUGHT
HER.
ON
WHAT
SHE
MOST
ENJOYED
ABOUT
THE
NEW
YORK
OFF-BROADWAY
RUN.
Adrian is a brilliant character-this witty,
on who could best serve the character
scathing but decent guy who is on the
and represent Fiona/Adrian prePicklebacks in the bar after the show.
transition in the first act, and Adrian four
edge of an epic change. He's taught me a
lot along the way, especially about finding
months down the line in the second act.
Follow Anna Martine on Twitter
the courage to speak your truth.
@AnnaMartine
This is the first production of this play,

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but it would be great to see multiple
ways of casting it in the future.

TRENDstGOSSIP

CURVE
CONFIDENTIAL
Celesbians

behaving

badly ... and sometimes

well.

BY CHLOE CURRAN

• HALSEY EARNS BILLBOARD #1 ALBUM IN 2017
Halsey's second studio album, Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, has hit
number one on the Billboard charts, making her the first woman to
earn a #1 album in 2017. That's an incredible feat for a bisexual, bipolar,
biracial artist. And even more impressive: Halsey wrote and executive
produced every song on the album, setting her apart from other charttopping pop princesses.

• KRISTEN STEWART AND STELLA MAXWELL ARE TWINSIES
The urge to merge is real, ya'II. Prolific actor-director
Victoria's Secret "Secret Angel" supermodel Stella
their very best gazillion dollar leather jackets while
airport. Just look at that glowing skin. That's what
from Stella and Kristen: Glowing skin in an airport.

Kristen Stewart and
Maxwell showed off
holding hands in an
separates you and I

• FREJA IS ON THE COVER OF VOGUE CHINA
After reaching peak model status (think Vogue covers, international
fame, lavish wealth) several years ago, Freja Beha took a sojourn from
the spotlight to do whatever models do in their free time. Have sex with
anyone you desire? Find nirvana in Nepal? Acquire just the faintest hint
of a tummy, then immediately collapse in self-loathing? Whatever she
was up to, it has not diminished Freja's otherworldly beauty or palpable
cool, news of which has made it all the way to China.

• CYNTHIA NIXON WINS A TONY
If you think Cynthia Nixon will always be defined by her SATC character
Miranda, think again. Nixon just won a Tony! Her second Tony in 10
years. And not just any Tony. A BIG TONY. The Tony Award for Best
Performance By An Actress In A Featured Role In A Play for her work
in Lillian Hellman's The Little Foxes. Plus she shared the award with her
"god-sent wife" Christine Marinoni in her lovely acceptance speech.

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13

TRENDS/SHE SAID

"My mother is
not a lesbian! She's
just a really, really bad
heterosexua I."

-Carrie Fisher about Debbie
Reynolds, according to
RadarOnline

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16THE RISEOF RIGHTWING WOMEN

20SAFEGUARDINGSEXUALHEALTH

18 _
ADDRESSINGINTIMATE
PARTNERVIOLENCE

ADVICE
ISSUES......,,,.,
.._
POLITICS
»

•
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The Rise
oJRightWing
-wome11
What happens when we
must fight our own.
BY VICTORIA

A. BROWNWORTH

I was raised a Socialist. The proverbial
Red Diaper baby. I joined the Communist
Party for a brief time in college to prove
that I could step outside my parents' leftwing box and go even more left. I have
never considered voting Republican.
Voting for a Democrat has been the
furthest to the right that I could ever
move. I have never understood the lure
of the right: so male, so white, so anti
everything I believe in, so determined to
control me as a woman and a lesbian. I
have never had friends who were rightwing. Where would I meet such people?

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Why would I want to spend time with
them? The furthest to the center I'd ever
traveled was working for the National
Organization for Women in the 1980s and
thinking I might run for political office as,
gasp, a Democrat.
Those
were
heady
days-when
feminism
seemed
a
mainstream
possibility, and lesbians like Virginia
"Ginny" Apuzzo and Jean O'Learytwo former nuns who became lesbian
activists-might
propel
themselves
into the political mainstream. O'Leary
landed in Jimmy Carter's administration
and Apuzzo in Bill Clinton's. They were
path-breakers-out,
proud, left lesbians.
Tammy Baldwin followed in 1999-the
first out lesbian in Congress, now the first
out lesbian in the Senate. Kyrsten Sinema
became the first out bisexual in Congress
in 2012. Then came 2016.
That game-changing
political year
heralded "outsider" candidates, and the
wildly misused buzzword "populism"
reared its ugly proto-fascist
head.
Everyone was a populist: Bernie Sanders,
Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, Marine LePen,
Geert Wilders, Alice Weidel. The politics
of Brexit in the UK, led by the right-wing,
anti-immigrant UKIP and its leader, Nigel
Farage, was populist.

Populism-the politics of Adolf Hitler
on the right and Josef Stalin on the leftwas back from an 80-year absence.
Populism is a political
lure for
"ordinary" people who feel put-upon by
government. Populism targets a grouplike the white working class in America
and the UK-and asserts that they are
being oppressed by a privileged elite.
The fact that the populist politician is
inevitably himself or herself a member of
that so-called elite is always, inexplicably,
ignored. Thus, both Sanders and Trump
vowed to "break up the banks"-neither
of them explaining what that even meant.
In the New York Daily News interview
that is thought to have crushed his
candidacy, Sanders was unable to
articulate a definition of "breaking up
the banks," saying that he'd never really
thought about it. And Trump? How was
the billionaire ensconced in his goldplated tower an outsider populist?
When Geert Wilders and Marine LePen
were defeated in the Netherlands and
France, I was relieved. The twin disasters
of Brexit and Trump's ascendancy had, it
seemed, served as a warning signal to our
European allies. Angela Merkel, now the
leader of the Western world, seemed safe
in her position as chancellor of Germany

VIEWS/

and titular head of the EU. Or was she?
In June 2015, at the same time that
Trump was officially announcing his
candidacy, Alice Weidel was moving to
take over the populist Alternative for
Germany (AfD) Party. In two years' time,
she's done just that. Now, at the very
least, she's primed to challenge Merkel
by grabbing up seats in Parliament.
Weidel is as far right as LePen, but is
far less brash. Weidel is also a partnered
lesbian mother of two; has a PhD in
economics; has lived in China and
worked for Goldman Sachs; and seems
antithetical to the very concept of
populism. Merkel's pro-immigrant stance
has angered many in Germany, and a
series of terrorist attacks have further
tested the fealty of her supporters. Weidel
is only 38, and somehow balances her
citizen-of-the-world affect in real life with
her party's reactionary, anti-immigrant,
anti-Muslim, anti-Euro, anti-gay platform.
Does her open lesbianism soften her
hard-right politics in the eyes of critics
and fans alike? Does it make people think
that neither she nor the AfD could really
be that hardline? We've heard this with
Trump: He lives in New York City-how
could he be anti-gay?
Despite the defeat of Wilders and
LePen, both remain on the political stage,
and Weidel is just getting started. The
fact that these politicians are no longer
viewed as extremists but are accepted as
merely conservative is concerning. Farright populist politics has become-via
Trump in particular-normalized.
Weidel
has capitalized
on
her
lesbianism, telling the news media that
there is no conflict between her politics
and her day-to-day life, raising two
children with her lesbian partner.
Gay Trump spokespersons
Peter
Thiel and Scott Presler, as well as other
right-wing LGBT people, have made
disturbingly similar statements, and have
delineated a phalanx of our community
that embraces right-wing
populism.
What's confusing to those of us on the
left, or even in the center, where most of
the world's political reality resides, is that
populist candidates are often targeting
the very people who embrace them.
What's more, as The Resistance builds
in the U.S., a different realpolitik is
building, contrapuntal to it, both in the

U.S. and in Europe. Some women and
LGBT people are invested in these rightwing movements.
On
Twitter,
lesbians
with
the
#NeverHillary hashtag in their bios tout
their love for Trump and proclaim #MAGA.
"Deplorable Corgi Girl," a heavily tatted
butch lesbian Trump supporter, made a
YouTube video before the election calling
out Hillary Clinton's gay male campaign
manager, Robby Mook. Her complaint?
As Secretary of State, Clinton had met
with world leaders who were heads of
nations with anti-LGBT policies.
Like Trump has done.
While 78 percent of LGBT people
voted for Hillary Clinton, 14 percent
voted for Trump. In November 2016, NBC
News interviewed some of them. Anaise
Hernandez, a 19-year-old Florida college
student, cast her first vote in 2016-for
Trump. She'd had a course in Democratic
Socialism, she told NBC, and decided it
was not for her. After the Pulse massacre,
said Hernandez, "gun rights are gay
rights." New Jersey resident Kathleen
Griffin, 39, told NBC News that she didn't
trust Hillary Clinton on gay rights, citing
Congress's 1996 Defense of Marriage Act,
which Bill Clinton signed. Yet in 2011, at
the UN, Hillary Clinton was the world's
first major political figure to speak out
on global discrimination against LGBT
people. Mississippian Alyx Perna, 29,
was certain Trump would "continue to
support us"-even though his first action
as president was to delete the LGBT page
from the White House website.
Right-wing women are not new. Phyllis
Schlafly single-handedly
ended the
Equal Rights Amendment when it had 35
of the 38 votes necessary to become law.
Schlafly mobilized her own resistance of
conservative women and the amendment
never went any further. Ann Coulter is the
most virulently anti-feminist woman in
America and a staunch Trump supporter.
She provides right-wing arguments for
men to use against women. Camille
Paglia, who calls herself an academic
genius and libertarian, is an anti-lesbian
lesbian who male editors love to hire to
trash other women.
In her 1983 book Right-Wing Women,
feminist trailblazer Andrea Dworkin wrote
extensively about conservative women
and their complicity with the patriarchy.

POLITI

In March 2017, a Saturday Night Live
skit parodied an lvanka Trump perfume
called "Complicit." After the exit polling
was released in the days following the
2016 presidential election, it was revealed
that only 47 percent of white women
had voted for Clinton compared to 94
percent of black women. As Dworkin
wrote, decades earlier, white women
have always propped up the white male
supremacy from which they benefitted,
while black women were forced to think
about what was best for their familiesand white male supremacy was not it.
What do we do with members of our
own sex and our own community who
have embraced the beast? What do we
do with what Adrienne Rich and Audre
Lorde called the "anti-feminist woman,"
who is today a Trump supporter?
In the weeks before the election,
lesbian writer and activist Angela Davis
explained why she would be voting for
Hillary and how she was not so inured to
political realities that she could afford to
do anything else. She intended to hold
Hillary's feet to the fire, she explained, but
the thought of Trump in the White House
was too terrifying a prospect.
The Resistance has work to do, and
silencing the right is part of that work.
But what do we do with our Deplorable
Corgi Girl and our Anaise Hernandez?
What do we do with Alice Weidel, plotting
her takeover of Angela Merkel's moderate
government and humane immigration
policy, all the while using her lesbianism
as a political false flag?
The 2018 midterm election looms-a
chance for the left to win back the House
and attempt to tamp down Trump's power.
But what do we do when the enemies of
The Resistance are amongst us, within
our very own community? Internalized
misogyny is real, or 53 percent of white
women could never have voted for Trump
when 94 percent of black women did not.
Audre Lorde, intersectional before we
had a word for it, famously wrote, "The
master's tools will never dismantle the
master's house."
In the time of Trump, we must find new
tools. Then, how we reach out to those
on the other side of this widening divide,
how we stop the spread of fascism within
our own community, will be one of our
most complex quests. •

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RATES
OF
INTIMATE
PARTNER
VIOLENCE
FOR
LGBT
WOMEN
INCOMPARISON
TO
HETEROSEXUAL
WOMEN
In line with past studies, The National
Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence
Survey (NISVS) found that bisexual
women (61 percent) and lesbian women
(44 percent) are far more likely than
heterosexual women (35 percent) in the
United States to be physically assaulted,
raped, or stalked by an intimate partner
within their lifetimes. This pattern
extends to psychological intimate partner
violence (IPV), which is experienced in
the lifetimes of 76 percent of bisexual
women, 63 percent of lesbian women,
and 48 percent of heterosexual women.
Considerably less data is available on
transgender IPV, but studies generally
find
female-identified
transgender
people are also at an elevated risk of IPV
victimization. These are lifetime rates, so
it is important to keep in mind that the
majority of relationships sexual minority
and transgender women have are nonabusive. Unfortunately, it is similarly clear
that such women are at the greatest risk
of experiencing IPV at some point in their
lives. A series of prominent studies have
concluded that bisexual women are more
likely to experience IPV than women of
any other sexual orientation.

DAMAGING
MYTHS
SURROUNDING
LGBTO
WOMEN
ANDIPV

Despite the prevalence of LGBTQ Intimate Partner
Violence (IPV), there is a lack of public awareness of
the issue. Silence has rendered LGBTQ IPV invisible,
with fewer policies and services available to victims,
and little likelihood that victims will be taken seriously.
LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence: Lessons for
Policy, Practice, and Research is written for LGBTQ
IPV victims, survivors, their allies, LGBTQ community
organizations, mental and medical healthcare providers,
social workers, law enforcement agencies, IPV
organizations and shelters, researchers, and teachers.
The book is currently available from the University of
California Press and Amazon.com. We caught up with
author Adam M. Messinger to learn more.

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Imagine that your understanding of IPV is
based entirely on well-known facts about
abuse among heterosexual women: such
women are more likely to be victims
than perpetrators, and their abusers
are more likely to be male-identified,
hyper-masculine, and injury inducing.
Now imagine you are a sexual minority
woman in a same-gender relationship.
Extrapolating from what we know about
heterosexual women, you might logically
assume that: (a) as a sexual minority
you are less likely to be a victim; (b) as
a woman your partner is less likely to
become abusive with you; (c) your female
partner is less likely to become abusive
if she is not hyper-masculine; (d) if they
do become abusive, because they are
female, such abusers are less likely to
cause injury or other severe outcomes.
Despite being entirely logical at face
value, each of these assumptions has
been completely disproven by research.
Unfortunately, these assumptions are

VIEWS/

so widespread in society that they
serve to render female sexual minority
IPV invisible. Sexual minority female
victims and abusers report difficulties
in
recogn1z1ng abusive
behaviors
specifically
because of these false
assumptions. Research finds that family
members, friends, police officers, shelter
workers, and mental healthcare providers
also often take female sexual minority IPV
less seriously. While a similar problem has
been documented for sexual minority
men in abusive relationships, the issue is
of particular concern for sexual minority
women because of the stereotype that
women are inherently less aggressive
than men.

5ESSENTIAL
STEPS
FOR
VICTIMS
OF
IPV
• Recognize that you deserve better.
It is always a challenge to imagine ending
a relationship when you care about your
partner and fear there are few alternative
dating options, but know that you will
find a better relationship in the future,
one where you are fully respected and
loved. It can also be challenging to put a
name to "abuse" when it does not involve
the stereotypical black eye and bruises but if you feel something is wrong in the
relationship, trust that instinct. Partners
that try to repeatedly guilt you or control
who you see do NOT respect and trust
you. Partners that humiliate you, yell at
you, or threaten you do NOT respect and
trust you. Partners who sexually coerce,
shove, grab hair, burn, or throw objects
at you do NOT respect and trust you. No
matter what partners may say or who they
blame for their actions, no one deserves
to be abused, period.
• Make sure you get help.
While we always hope that the good
inside our partners will win out eventually,
research unfortunately
tells us that
abusers, even those who apologize and
temporarily stop abusing, typically do
not change their behavior in the long
run and may get more abusive as the
relationship continues. Leaving an abuser
is often a time of heightened danger for
victims, including risk of being murdered,
because abusers fear losing control and
risking that they may get caught. Staying
of course also can be very unsafe.
Therefore experts recommend
that,
whether you choose to stay or leave,

you should not do so without help. If you
can, find someone to speak with whom
you trust and is not friends with the
abuser, such as a family member or close
personal friend. Be sure to also reach out
for professional assistance, such as with
a local IPV organization. You should call
the National Domestic Violence Hotline
(1-800-799-7233),
who can talk you
through the next steps as well as connect
you with a range of free services (such as
accessing shelter, child care, counseling,
medical care, legal representation, and so
forth). You may also consider contacting
any of the dozens of North American
member locations of the National
Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (1212-714-1141),which provide services to
LGBTQ people who have become victims
of IPV or other forms of violence. If you
feel you are in imminent danger, call 911.
If your abuser owns or has ready access
to a firearm or gun, call 911.

If you feel there
is something
wrong in the
relationship/
trust that
instinct
• Cover your tracks.
Abusers commonly monitor who their
victims speak with, where they go, and
what they do. In some instances, they may
directly ask victims for this information,
but often times they acquire it secretly such as by looking at your phone call log,
text messages, social media posts, and
web browsing history. Seeking help with
IPV victimization can require using one or
more of these forms of communication,
like calling an IPV hotline, looking at
a website for IPV survivors, texting a
friend about the relationship, or posting
about the relationship on a social media
website. It is strongly advised that you
delete records of these communications
after you have completed them. In some
instances, abusers can install key-logging

ISS

software and apps on computers and
mobile devices without your knowledge,
which will send your abuser a list of your
actions on those devices even if you
erase related histories on the devices so you might consider making the most
sensitive communications (such as to an
IPV hotline) using a new pay-per-minute
cell phone your abuser does not know
about, a computer at a local library, and
other devices your abusers will not have
access to. If you are considering going
somewhere for safety or visiting a local
IPV organization, consider sharing your
new location only with those you have
already disclosed the victimization to and
trust to help you.
• Document everything.
Even if you prefer not to contact the
police or file for an order of protection,
you may decide to do so in the future,
particularly if the abuse continues or
escalates. It may become slightly easier
to get assistance from law enforcement
and the courts if you keep records
of behaviors by your partner that are
controlling or abusive in any way. This
can include keeping a journal of the
abusive behaviors, and keeping records
of any communications by your abuser
that contain evidence of abuse. Be
careful to store the journal or records
in a location not readily discoverable by
the abuser and in a location where the
abuser cannot easily delete the records.
Consider discussing all of these incidents
soon after they occur with someone you
trust, even if they were not present during
the incident, which may also become
important in future court proceedings.
• Make an emergency safety plan.
Having a plan ready to go can be
the difference between successfully
and unsuccessfully
reaching safety.
Emergency plans should include at
minimum the names, numbers, and
addresses of where you will go and the
route you will use to get there, credit
cards and money, key documents (such
as ID), medications, and clothing.•

Adam M. Messinger, PhD is Assistant
Professor of Justice Studies and Women's
& Gender Studies, Northeastern Illinois
University.

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th efl•lf

1,1

she-ology
TH!DEFINITIYE
GUIDE
10 IYDMEII
S
INTIMATE
HEALTH
PERIOD.

sexually transmitted infections (STls) in
between partners? Do you ever want to
get pregnant? Do you suffer from anxiety
and/or depression? How much alcohol do
you drink per week? Do you smoke? The
answers to these questions speak volumes
about the health-related behaviors and
habits that might put you at risk for certain
medical conditions. The more transparent
you are about your personal life and healthrelated behaviors, the better-equipped
your healthcare provider will be to give you
the care you need.

HOW
OFTEN
DO
LESBIANS
NEED
APAP
SMEAR?

J~ove
YourselJ;
lntimately
What you need to know
about your sexual health.
BY DR. SHERRY A. ROSS

It's never easy for a queer woman to
see her healthcare provider for an annual
gyno exam. Being an OB-GYN for the
past 24 years, I see this reluctance and
discomfort all the time. Being a lesbian
OB-GYN, I feel even more sensitive to this
problem and hopeful that I can change the
minds of lesbians who have had traumatic
gyno experiences and are not getting the
healthcare they need. Let's be honest: The
majority of doctors are not sensitive to the
issues surrounding the LGBTQcommunity.
Lesbian and bisexual women feel
afraid and apprehensive about getting

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healthcare. Reasons include confidentiality
and
disclosure
issues,
uncertainty
about their healthcare needs and risks,
limited access to healthcare and health
insurance, and discriminatory attitudes
and treatment from healthcare providers.
Know your rights. All healthcare providers
must provide the same complete medical
care to all their patients, including lesbian,
bisexual, and transgender women.
When you're having your medical and
sexual history taken, your healthcare
provider may overlook asking you about
your sexual orientation. A "yes" to the
question "Are you sexually active?" needs
to be followed up with "Are you sexually
active with men, women, or both?" A
lesbian may not offer the information
unless she is asked directly, and if there's
no exchange of this vital information, there
is no real communication between patient
and healthcare provider. If you cannot
discuss your sexual orientation with your
healthcare provider, the purpose of your
medical visit is less meaningful. Your
sexual orientation helps guide healthcare
providers on what questions to ask. Do
you currently have a sexual partner?
Are you monogamous? Do you practice
safe sex? Are you getting screened for

Lesbian patients and gynecologists
alike are not clear as to when Pap smear
screenings ought to begin and how often
they need to be done. Perhaps you think
that since lesbians aren't having sex with
men, they don't need Pap smears. Right?
Wrong. This is a complete misconception.
Lesbians do need to have routine Pap
smears, along with regular gynecological
visits. Women should begin Pap smear
testing at age 21. Women between 21 and
28 should have a Pap smear every three
years. Women between 30 and 65 should
have a Pap smear and an HPV test every
five years. It is also acceptable to have
a Pap smear alone every three years.
For women 65 and older, no screening
is recommended
if adequate prior
screenings have been negative and a high
risk is not present. I bet you didn't know
you can ask for the "small" speculum when
you get a Pap smear. This will make your
pelvic exam more comfortable and might
make your next Pap smear more tolerable.

WHAT
ABOUT
HPVAND
LESBIANS?
Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the most
common sexually transmitted infection,
affecting 80 percent of women and men.
There is limited information on the exact
risk of transmission and throat cancer in
lesbians, so protection and prevention are
key. Lesbians and healthcare providers
alike are blinded by misconceptions
about how lesbians can contract HPV and
whether or not they need the vaccine.
HPVcan be transmitted between lesbian
and bisexual women through direct genital
skin-to-skin contact, mucosa contact,
vaginal fluids, menstrual blood, and
shared sex toys. Lesbians who have had
sexual contact with men are also at risk for

HPV.Getting annual Pap smear testing can
detect HPV, making yearly visits to your
healthcare provider important.
It may not be sexy, but using a dental
dam to decrease the risk of transmission
of HPV is essential. The HPV vaccine has a
very safe track record and is recommended
for lesbian and bisexual women, ideally
between the ages of 12 and 26. Gardassil
9, the most recent and effective HPV
vaccine, can prevent 90 percent of the
high-risk types of HPV known to cause
cervical cancer. It was found that lesbians
are much less likely to be aware of the risk
of HPV transmission between them and
their partners, and less aware that the
HPV vaccine is available. It was found that
8.5 percent of lesbians between the ages
of 15 and 25 received the HPV vaccine,
compared to 28 percent of heterosexual
and 33 percent of bisexual women. I
would encourage lesbians to get the HPV
vaccine to reduce your risk of cervical
cancer. You must make the prevention of
and education about HPV a top health-risk
priority.

lesbian and straight women," but research
shows that lesbians are more likely to
engage in some social behaviors that have
negative health consequences: Tobacco
use; alcohol and drug use; less use of oral
contraception. Lesbians are also more
likely to be at risk for certain diseases:
Type 2 adult-onset diabetes; lung cancer;
cardiac disease and heart attacks; obesity.
Compared to heterosexual women,
lesbians are at a greater risk of having a
heart attack, breast cancer, and ovarian
cancer.

ARE
THERE
CURRENT
MAMMOGRAM
GUIDELINES?

Women should definitely be examining
their breasts monthly, and should see
their physicians yearly for a routine
exam. Reputable medical groups such
as the Mayo Clinic, the American Cancer
Society, and the American College of
Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG)
may recommend that you start having
yearly mammograms when you are 40
or 45, depending on your risk factors.
Doctors and patients need to continue
ongoing conversations about the risks
WHAT
ABOUT
SEXUALLY
TRANSMITTED
INFECTIONS?
and benefits of mammogram screening,
assessing your own personal risk of breast
There seems to be confusion about
what STls lesbians are at risk for. STls can
cancer, your routine use of self-exams,
be transmitted through direct genital
and the possibility of false-positive results
skin-to-skin contact, mucosa, vaginal
and unnecessary treatment. Based on
fluids, menstrual blood, and shared sex
my experience, I believe mammograms
toys. The most common STls are bacterial
can help save lives. In addition, lifestyle
vaginosis
(BV), chlamydia,
herpes,
and dietary choices can help protect you
human papillomavirus (HPV) , pubic lice,
against breast cancer. Avoiding obesity,
trichomoniasis, gonorrhea, herpes simplex
engaging in healthy living, and a wellvirus (HSV), hepatitis, HIV, and syphilis.
balanced diet with reduced high-fat dairy
One study involving 6,000 lesbians
and alcohol consumption are other ways
found that 77 percent have had sex with
of reducing your risk for breast cancer.
men in the past and 70 percent report a
Lesbians must find and establish an
lifetime history of vaginal intercourse. If
honest relationship with a healthcare
you were exposed to HPV, HSV, and HIV
provider to avoid potential medical
when you were sexually active with a male
complications.
"I don't compromise
partner, you can easily pass them along to
on making my health a priority," says
your female partner. So in order to avoid
my longterm patient, Leisha Hailey.
STls you will need to use a dental dam with
"Regardless of your sexual orientation it's
oral sex; also, you should not share sex
so important to find a gynecologist who
toys, and you should avoid having sexual
cares about your health and wellness. Your
contact during your period. And don't
health involves a meaningful relationship
forget, it's essential to get STI testing in
between you, your body and your doctor.
between new partners.
You have to make your health a priority
tool"•

PROVINCET

DO
LESBIANS
REALLY
HAVE
SOME
HIGHER
RISKS?
The American Congress of Obstetricians
and Gynecologists states there are "no
known physiologic differences between

She-ology: The Definitive Guide to
Women's Intimate Health. Period. is out
now and includes a chapter "Rainbow \I."

rouxprovincetow
The
Artofstaying

How to get your relationship out of the past and
consciously create a relationship that is in the present.
BY SUE ANNE MORGAN

Each of us is the sum total of our
steps to this point. And some of those
steps have been on broken glass. Since
time travel is still a theory, and you have
absolutely no capability to change
those steps, and since the next steps
are neither guaranteed nor set in stone,
there is a tiny sliver of "right now" that is
truly yours to do with as you wish.
I used to say that my first girlfriend
ruined me for all the rest. I gave myself
the excuse to not be present in my
subsequent relationships by blaming
her for my mistrust of others. Seven
relationships later, and now happily
engaged, I realize how I cheated
myself and those others by measuring
everything against events that were
decades old. Would I choose to drink
water out of a dirty glass? Then, why
would I choose to experience life from
a perspective marred by the past. We
don't have eyes in the back of our head
for a reason.
Whether it's a first date or your
20th anniversary, if she's worthy of
your time and attention, she is worthy
of your presence. And, if you love

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her, your presence should be a given.
Betrayal in a previous relationship will
set you up to be out of the moment in
a current relationship. Your heart has
been broken by infidelity or disloyalty or
even abuse. You have been betrayed by
someone you trusted. So, you frame your
interactions in your current relationship
through the eyes of mistrust. Emotional
pain in our past can lay a minefield in our
present, which creates emotional pain
for others in an endless cycle.
If you hear yourself repeating things
you have said in previous relationships
or you recognize a feeling that seems
tied to a former girlfriend, then you are
likely not fully present. If your desire
to hurt the woman you claim to love
outweighs your desire to communicate
effectively and connect, you aren't being
present. Like an old script that you keep
in your back pocket, you refer to old
words, feelings and actions when you
are triggered by your past.
If you have the thought that you are
not present, you have to act on that
thought immediately. Take a few slow,
deep breaths. Touch your nose with your

index finger. Rub your hands together.
Blink really fast. Tap your forehead. Drink
a glass of water. Spin around in a
circle. Do absolutely anything that
works for you to re-set your brain to the
moment. Sensory stimulation combined
with deep breathing keeps your attention
front and center. Once you have brought
yourself back to the present, you give
yourself and your partner a clean slate to
address the issue at hand.
You are a human being on Planet
Earth in 2017. It is almost impossible
to stay completely
present at all
times. However, if drinking from a clean
glass or gifting your presence to your
love is important to you, you will find a
way to do the daily work of focusing your
energy and attention on the present. In
addition to practicing that objective,
non-judgmental
observation
of self,
meditation, therapy, physical exercise,
balanced nutrition and adequate rest all
play a role in maintaining presence.
If she is important to you, you will work
diligently to give her the most present
version of yourself. And the bonus is, you
get the gift of your presence, too. •

26 SERACAHOONE SINGS IT

28FEASTOF SUMMERREADING

33THE DARKSIDEOF KISSING

>>
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MATTERS
OF
THE
HEART
Heartland, directed by Maura Anderson,
is a must-watch film for your girl gaydar.
BY SANYA FRANICH

Lauren (Velinda Godfrey) is grieving.
She has spent her days over the past
months at her dying girlfriend's side,
caring for Nicole and talking to her
even when she is too sick to respond.
After Nicole's death, Lauren returns
home to find the locks changed and an
eviction notice stuck to the door. Her
savings drained while caring for Nicole,
Lauren now finds herself heartbroken
and alone with nowhere to live. So
she packs her meagre belongings into

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a small backpack, and moves back in
with her well-meaning mother, Crystal
(Beth Grant).
As an artist and a lesbian, Lauren is
a huge disappointment
to Crystal, as
she longs for Lauren to conform to her
conservative values. She refuses to acknowledge Lauren's relationship with
Nicole, yet is delighted to welcome
Lauren's brother Justin (Aaron Leddick)
back home, in town with his big-city
girlfriend Cassie (Laura Spencer) to set

REVIEWS/

up a vineyard. The endless questions
from all and sundry in town of when
Justin and Cassie will marry, while offering no condolences for Lauren's loss,
is particularly poignant.
As Cassie begins to loosen up, and
Lauren's haze of grief starts to lift in her
presence, the undeniable attraction the
two share draws them closer and closer
together. When Justin is called back to
the city for work, and the pair are sheltering from an approaching tornado,
let's just say the scene that follows replicates the storm outside! The chemistry between the two lead actresses is
captivating, but while Lauren is falling
in love, Cassie determines it must never
happen again.
Their secret escapes and havoc ensues, with all members of the family
dealing with the fallout in different
ways. The characters must now find
their ways back together, to find a way
to forgive and love one another again.
Justin must forgive Lauren and Cassie,
Crystal must stop blaming Lauren for
what happened, Lauren must find some
middle ground with Crystal, and Lauren
and Cassie must forgive and stop blaming themselves.
The complex battles being played
out reflect a group of people for whom
the brief affair has had a profound impact, and one that demonstrates the
angst and pain that can occur when
there's a clash of values, and those you
love most inflict betrayal.
Heartland, directed by Maura Anderson, is ostensibly a "grieving lesbian
falls for, and has a fling with, a straight
girl" story, but writers Velinda Godfrey
and Todd Waring have crafted a warm
and moving story about family, small
town attitudes and being queer in an
Oklahoma God-fearing Christian community, where being gay is tolerated
so long as you don't talk about it, and
your dead girlfriend is only ever called
your "friend." By film's end, both Lauren
and Cassie have found their pathsthe ones that will begin their journeys
to help them find out who they really
are. The denouement is open-ended,
some relationships are healed, some
are not-and this is what real life is all
about.

Velinda Godfrey, writer and star of
the film, is a lesbian who grew up in
Oklahoma. It was her wish to tell a story
that reflected life in a place not usually
LGBTQ-accepting, but to tell it without
making that the focus. She and Waring,
together with director Johnston, wanted a film about regular people living
their lives, without using the main character's sexuality as a driving plot point.
Lauren's a lesbian, but it's not the main

:::0

Fl

point of the film-she just is. The characters themselves drive the narrativetheir wounds, their flaws, their desires,
and their "humanness."
While this might not be the best film
you ever see, the team worked hard to
bring it to life with lndiegogo crowdfunding helping it along to the final
product, and it will be a film that will
touch you and make you smile. Definitely one for your watch list.•

MEET
THE
NEW
JANE
TENNISON

I I I

<
I I

I

~

C/)

What was the young Jane Tennison like? Helen Mirren created
the role that has become a lesbian favorite and police procedural
small screen classic. Now, Stefanie Martini steps into Mirren's shoes
in Prime Suspect: Tennison, available on DVD and Blu-ray from PBS
Distribution. Behind every great hero is an origin story. Flashback to
the circumstances that turned a 22-year-old rookie policewoman into
a hardboiled, crime-fighting female Detective Chief Inspector. This
prequel is set in 1973, and finds Tennison relegated to traffic incidents
and other routine police chores-until she gets her 'big break'. A
young girl is murdered and it's all hands on deck. Tennison is drawn
into the brutal culture of the police force and the criminal underworld.
Prime Suspect: Tennison is based on the bestselling novel Tennison
by Lynda La Plante. La Plante was awarded the Edgar Allan Poe Award
by the Mystery Writers of America for her novel Prime Suspect. The
360-minute prequel is brought to you by Masterpiece, known for toprated and iconic shows such as Upstairs Downstairs, Downton Abbey,
and, of course, the original Prime Suspect. (pbs.org)

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:················································
..................................................................................................................................................

REVIEWS/

MU

It's not a breakup album, but Sera Cahoone's new album
still delivers heartache and self-discovery.
BY KELLY MCCARTNEY

As evidenced

by her new album,

From Where I Started, singer-songwrit-

er Sera Cahoone is intent upon carving out a place for herself in the world.
She grew up in Littleton, Colo., playing
drums in high school, before skipping
out to Seattle when she was 21. There,
she immersed herself in the artist's lifeworking at a snowboard shop and a coffeehouse while finding her footing in the
music scene. A stint in the indie rock
band Carissa's Wierd led to a run with
Band of Horses, which led to a deal with
Sub Pop Records, who released her first
three solo albums: Sera Cahoone (2006),
Only As the Day Is Long (2007), and Dear
Creek Canyon (2012).
While those efforts garnered critical
acclaim and landed high-profile tours,
Cahoone admits that she didn't really
know what she was doing or where she
was going with all of it. "I was just like,
'Cool. Sub Pop wants to put out my record!' And they were great. They are
some of my best friends," she says. "But
I think sometimes they weren't totally
sure what to do with me. And I didn't
know what the hell to do with me."
Now, though, the vision is starting to
come into sharper focus. From Where I
Started finds Cahoone in complete artistic control. "This record, I didn't want
anybody to touch it. I wanted it to be
different, and I think that's mainly just
instrumentation-wise
and bringing in
some different elements," she says, then
adds with a laugh, "and I wanted to play
all the drums."
It's an Americana album through and
through, anchored by Cahoone's inventive drum grooves and augmented by
tasteful traditional touches like banjo
and fiddle. But her stellar songwriting
is the beating heart of the record. Tales

of love, loss, self-doubt, and sacrifice fill
the set as she lays out both her vulnerabilities and her victories for all the world
to hear.
And she has certainly had a lot to write
about over the past few years, including
a very public engagement to soccer star
Megan Rapinoe in August of 2015, followed by a much more private breakup
in September of 2016. No doubt, bits
of that three-year relationship find their
way into various tunes on From Where I
Started, though the split happened after
the record was finished, so fans wanting
"the breakup album" will have to wait for
the next release.
But don't expect any lurid personal details. Cahoone is-to the extent that any
songwriter can be-a private person, filtering her experiences through the lens
of a persona: someone just trying to get
through life in one piece. On the album's
first track, "Always Turn Around," she addresses the anxiety that led her to music in the first place, an anxiety that has
lessened over the years as she's learned
to stare it down. "I got so tired of being
nervous that I finally turned around," she
sings in the first chorus, flipping it to "I'm
so tired of being nervous, but I always
turn around" in the second as a sign of
her burgeoning self-confidence.
Both "Better Woman" and "Tables
Turned" find Cahoone addressing her
own reckonings and resilience as she
strives to offer the best in herself to the
world and to her lover. Further in, "Up
to Me" puts hopeful detachment front
and center, while "House Our Own"
sketches the romantic dream top to
bottom. But it's a personal tragedythe murder of Cahoone's 21-year-old
cousin, Tawnee Baird, by her lesbian
lover-that produces perhaps the most

poignant statement, through the song
"Ladybug."
"I was having a hard time with that
one," Cahoone confides. "First of all, it's
just something I needed to write, and it
just came out, a lot of it. Putting it on
the record, I didn't know if that was the
right thing to do. My aunt, who is Tawnee's grandma, we had a lot of conversations about things Tawnee did and
loved. They just made it right into the
song. And the facts of everything ... I
tried not to go into too much, because
it's completely awful. She was getting
her shit together. She was starting to
try and leave and get her life together.
That's the worst, saddest part."
Cahoone's greatest hope for that
song is that it will help train a spotlight
on a tough and terrible subject: domestic violence. "I just hope that I can help
someone, in any way, who's in a bad situation," she says. "Domestic violence,
especially in the queer community, I'm
just trying to bring awareness to it. If I
can touch someone, in any way, that's
what it's about."
With all she's experienced over the
past few years, including the death
of one of her best friends in January
of 2017, Sera Cahoone has learned
that sometimes the only way around
is through, and the best way forward
is back. "All these things I used to get
so wrapped up about in my head, with
'I can't do this' or 'I shouldn't do that,'
it just seems so meaningless now," she
says.
And that's what makes From Where
I Started so resonant and relevant: It
documents the journey of someone
just walking through the world the best
way she knows how, one honest, heartfelt step at a time.•

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It was the era of AIDS, ACT UP,and the Lesbian Avengers. AnneChristine d'Adesky captures these impactful times in her memoir,
The Pox Lover, a compendium of her 1990s diaries. D'Adesky recalls
the loves, lives, struggles and suffering in the shocking early years of
Al DS, from protests to dance parties, dyke marches to dirges. Here,
she discusses the book's context and its relevance today.

WHAT
DID
THE
WORD
'LESBIAN'
MEAN
TO
YOUR
WHAT
CONTRIBUTION
DID
LESBIAN
ACTIVISTS
MAKE
TO
GAY
RIGHTS
MOVEMENT
AND
FIGHTING
AIDS?
GENERATION
AND
HOW
DO
YOU
RELATE
TO
TODAY'S THE
Lesbians got close to gay men and
QUEER
MOVEMENT?

BOOKS»

The Pox Lover very much reflects my
own engagement with gay men and the
broader AIDS activism subculture that developed in the 1990s. The AIDS movement
brought lesbians in close, compassionate
working contact with gay men; and trans
AIDS activists, like intersex activists, also
began gaining a voice during that time.
The word 'queer' reflects an unapologetic cultural stance, reclaiming a word long
used as a slur. That very much happened
as a result of the ongoing lesbian-feminist
and gay movement, but also from the direct action protests of ACT UP that led to
Queer Nation, and to other in-your-face
groups like Fierce Pussy,a lesbian arts collective some friends created in the '90s
to celebrate with graphic wit the emerging pro-sex, take-no-prisoners lesbian
sensibility that women were expressing.
The '90s was the decade of the Clit Club
in New York, of lesbian strippers and sex
workers coming out more publicly in their
health and AIDS advocacy, and in their
solidarity with gay men and transwomen
whose sexuality was being criminalized in
the AIDS culture wars.
For me, the word I worked to reclaim
was 'dyke.' That was the word a lot of lesbians still felt uncomfortable using; still
carried the stereotype of the angry, humorless lesbian. I found myself drawn
to 'dyke' because it required me to really
embrace a social outsider identity-and
reframe it for our own LGBTQmovementfor younger generation women. I find that
'butch' and 'dyke' are words that are disappearing, while 'lesbian' is still used broadly
and often interchangeably by my generation of peers .... But I think for individuals,
it's great to allow self-identification and to
be aware that everyone comes into this
journey into their sexuality and into a gender movement at different stages.

LESBIAN
LOVE
AND
ACTIVISM
Pioneering American
journalist Anne-Christine
d'Adesky looks back on
turbulent times.

ANNE-CHRISTINE
D'ADESKY

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transfolks because of the common enemy
of homophobia that was so rampant as the
underbelly of the government response to
a then-new disease, AIDS. Lesbians were
and remain at the very forefront of the
AIDS battle, and at every level, and to a
remarkable, still unappreciated degree:
as frontline activists, strategists, policy
makers, program directors, service providers, and caregivers. But also as feminists and as women who brought a deep,
historic understanding of the body and
the fight for reproductive rights to gay
men, who brought an awareness of class
and race and male privilege and white
supremacy to the ACT UP and other AIDS
and LGBTQ movement debates. Lesbians and cis-women in ACT UP, and trans
women fought hard with public officials
but also their own gay male colleagues
to demand, as feminists, attention to the
needs of lesbians around HIV/AIDS; to
women drug users; to sex workers. It was
women and lesbians-who have always
worked intersectionally-who
made the
connections, demanded the outreach,
connected across social justice movements with immigrant, labor, gender,
prison, anti-racist groups. The global AIDS
movement succeeded-often after bitter
debate-because activists worked to find
common cause, to focus on the needs of
the most vulnerable in communities, and
that is very much a legacy of queer women who are front-and-center feminists,
too. I would add that lesbian activism I
participated in still remained very white;
ACT UP was a very white, very urban activist coalition. The Lesbian Avengers, a
group I co-founded with four friends, also
went through hard debates around race
and class. These issues remain very critical now, as I look to the frontline battles
we face, around immigration, refugees,

REVIEWS/

the health care agenda and the displacement of queers in gentrifying cities as our
lives become even more global and influenced by technology.

inner woman or sense of femininity or
whatever they associate with those labels .... Some of the lesbians I know who
grappled with embracing transwomen
as 100 percent women were women
SOME
VIEW
LESBIAN
IDENTITY
ASEXCLUSIONARY
AND who are incredibly sensitized to male viNON-INTERSECTIONAL.
WHAT
ISYOUR
VIEW?
olence, and specifically male sexual vioI can understand why a millennial
lence. They associate a penis with rape,
queer activist would critically question
a la Andrea Dworkin who really made that
why a lesbian would exclude a trans or
theoretical argument. There are a lot of
intersex individual under the gender
women and lesbians who are survivors
identity umbrella of women. How can a
of sexual violence, and all women suffer
lesbian not feel a deep, natural solidarity
from this in a general sense in every soand alliance with another who is pushciety. But to equate a transwoman with
ing at the narrow confines of gender, of
a would-be rapist, which I feel some do,
the social roles ascribed to the binary
deep down, is to reveal the deepest place
notions of male and female? It's a really
of these received physical fears of assault
legitimate question. It's also such a prothat women have for men in general. That
found irony, since it's old-school lesbians
shit has got to go. Yes men rape, and rape
who fought to define what we all know
is the embodiment of ultimate male powis a social construction of the notion of
er. But lesbians who feel this totally miss
the feminine and masculine. It's almost
the complex view of the penis that trans
odd to find lesbians, who profoundly emindividuals may have, just as they fail to
brace their sexuality, to grasp biological
understand why breasts are so oppresessentialism now to frame that identity
sive to a coming-out transman. Again,
and limit what is a woman. The rejection
there's this very dangerous conflation
of others who self-identify as women and
and reductivist thinking and at the core of
want to be in the company of women is this response is fear. The fear of rape by a
fundamentally anti-feminist to me. You'd
man is legitimate. It's also true that tranalso think lesbians, like old school femiswomen are major victims and survivors
nists, would embrace anyone who rejects
of male rape, and they often feel negative
the patriarchy and male privilege, which
and complex feelings about their sexual
many transwomen do as they claim their
parts. As a feminist, as a lesbian-in-soli-

BOOKS

darity with my trans sisters and brothers,
I wish, like many do, that we can get to
the point in our societies where we can
just simply love and celebrate our bodies.
That is the oldest women's and feminist
issue. Lesbians should claim it in their
solidarity with other-gender naming and
framing folks.

WHAT
LIGHT
DOES
YOUR
BOOK
SHED
ON
TODAY'S
POLITICAL
SITUATION?
I think many of the issues and battles
we encountered in the '90s are resurfacing now, with Trump, with the resurgence
of a populist far right in Europe and globally, with the front-line challenges of immigration and religious fundamentalism
embodied by ISIS, and here in the U.S., by
the evangelical extreme right. We learned
a lot in the '90s; we won a lot of fights.
We have tools and we have, collectively,
the memory of how we fought. I'm using my book tour to host conversations
with other activists and authors about
that decade and its lessons for us, both
personally and as participants in overlapping social movements. I'm also inviting
younger queers to be in this conversation, to compare and share, so I get to
learn from younger activists and artists
now too, and see what remains of what I
consider a living history and legacy of the
'90s. (thepoxlover.com) •

HEART
TROUBLE
Award-winning author Jae's newest
lesbian novel is a medical romance
with a few unexpected turns.

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REV1Ews1SHORTSTO

Dr. Hope Finlay loves her job as an emergency room physician, but She has learned not
to get attached to anyone because it never lasts. Laleh Samadi, a waitress at her aunt's
restaurant, connects with people and loves her boisterous Persian family, despite their
tendency to meddle. When Laleh is rushed to the ER with heart trouble, Hope saves
her life. Afterwards, strange things begin to occur: Laleh suddenly knows even the
most obscure diseases, while Hope is fluent in Farsi. what is the mysterious connection
between them? Are they losing their minds, or just their hearts?

''

What happened?" Laleh realized
she was shaking-either from her
own tension or from Hope's; she wasn't
sure.
Hope reached out but stopped before
making contact. She stuffed both hands
into the pockets of her scrubs. "You don't
need to worry. I'm fine."
How could she want to soothe Hope's
pain away and strangle her at the same
time? "No," she ground out. "You're not.
No faking it, remember?"
"Laleh:' There was so much in that one
word: / can't talk about it. God, it's so good
to see you. Please, hold me.
So Laleh did. She rushed forward and
wrapped her arms around Hope, making
her stumble back a step.
Hope's back collided with the stillclosed front door. She was trapped
between it and Laleh's body, the way Jill
had been trapped between Crash and the
counter.
Laleh shook off the mental image and
focused on Hope, whose body was stiff
against hers for a second or two. Finally,
Hope relaxed and seemed to melt into her.
Her arms came up and squeezed so tightly
that it almost hurt. They fit together like
the two pieces of a yin-and-yang symbol.
Hope lowered her head and buried her
face against Laleh's shoulder.
Laleh cradled her against her own body.
She wanted to wrap her into a cocoon of
protectiveness and affection and spirit
her away to a place where no one could
see Hope's moment of weakness. "What
happened?" she whispered after a while
of just holding her.
Not lifting her head from Laleh's
shoulder, Hope inhaled and exhaled. Her
warm breath washed over Laleh's neck,
sending a wave of goose bumps down
her body.

"I lost a patient. She was just six ...
And her mother ... God." A shudder went
through her. "I don't know what's wrong
with me. I don't normally react like this."
"Ssh. Nothing's wrong with you.
Nothing, you hear?" She slid her fingers
into Hope's unruly hair and gently tugged
so Hope would lift her head and look at
her. "You're only human."
Hope looked up. There were no tears in
her eyes, but so much emotion-pain for
more than the girl and her mother.
Laleh understood
without
asking
that she-the distance she had forced
between them-was part of that pain too.
For the first time since her mother's death,
Hope had allowed herself to connect with
someone, and then Laleh had asked her to
stay away.
"I'm so sorry:' About the girl. About your
mother. About everything. She caressed
Hope's scalp, then the back of her neck
with her fingertips, wanting so much to
take away the pain. Her world was reduced
to the pale blue of Hope's eyes and the feel
of the silky strands between her fingers.
Slowly, Hope lowered her head.
Had Laleh pulled her down, or had
Hope moved first? She didn't know, and
her brain lost the ability to think about it.
Her gaze flicked down to Hope's sensuous
mouth.
She leaned up and touched her lips to
Hope's. Not a kiss, really, but more of an
attempt to absorb her pain and send her
all the warmth and affection she could.
Wonder radiated through their link,
peeking out from behind the dark cloud of
Hope's sadness like a ray of sunlight.
Hope held very, very still-for about
two beats of Laleh's racing heart.
Then she fanned her hands out across
Laleh's shoulders and kissed her. It was
tender and careful, a melting of mouth

against mouth.
So soft. So warm. A moan escaped
Laleh's throat. As if that sound had been a
spark igniting a barrel of oil, Hope surged
forward and kissed her-really kissed her.
The tip of her tongue brushed Laleh's lips.
A full-body tingle rushed through Laleh.
Her mouth opened on a gasp, and Hope's
tongue dipped inside, first a tentative
touch, then a long, experimental caress,
like the slide of silk against silk.
Oh holy ... Laleh moaned against Hope's
tongue. Heat seemed to bounce back
and forth between them.
Hope's hands came up to cradle Laleh's
face between her palms, two fingers
grazing the sensitive shell of her ears and
making her shudder.
Laleh's knees grew wobbly, so she
clutched Hope's shoulders. Her whole
body seemed to vibrate with not only her
own feelings but Hope's too. A buzzing
started in her ears and then wouldn't
stop.
"Phone," Hope rasped against her lips.
Huh? Every cell in Laleh's brain was
focused on touching and feeling, not
processing language. She blinked up at
Hope, who looked just as dazed.
"I think ..." Hope cleared her throat, her
voice even huskier than usual. " ...your
phone is buzzing."
"Oh." She stumbled back half a step
and fished the cell phone from her pocket
with trembling fingers. Jeez. What was
that? We...we kissed! And what a kiss. It
took her a moment to remember how
to operate her phone. She was shaking
all over, every nerve alive. When she
lifted the phone to her ear, she kept her
gaze on the ground, not daring to even
peek at Hope to see her reaction to
what had just happened between them.
(ylva-publishing.com). •

AUG/SEP

2017

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31

BOOKS»

LOVE
GUIDES
US

Enjoy these love-affirming good reads.

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CONSCIOUS LESBIANDATING& LOVE

KISS ME AGAIN, PARIS

By Ruth L. Schwartz & Michelle Murrain

Renate Stendhal

Great relationships don't happen by accident or a random strike from Cupid's arrow.
This roadmap to finding the right partner
and the relationship of your dreams is essential reading for lesbians who keep falling in and out of love and don't know why.

A beautiful memoir of the author's time in
Paris in the 1970s when everything female
was chic, and women-gay or straight-fell
in love with women. With vintage photos and
lots of nostalgia, this is perfect for armchair
travelers and those drawn to simpler Sapphic
times. (ifsfpublishing.com)

(consciousgirlfriend.com)

TELL

IIMII
AT HI[

IIPPll<G POINT fOII G4Y IIIGIIIS

Subtitled Love, Defiance, and the Military
Trial at the Tipping Point for Gay Rights,
this book, out in October, offers a foreword
by Col. Margarethe Cammermeyer and
chronicles Major Witt's military career as
a front-line flight nurse in the shadow of
DADT,its demise, and her love for her wife
Laurie Johnson. (dartmouth.edu)

THE MULTIORGASMICDIET
By Rebecca Clio Gould

MU LTl-

0't~;_,c_,
DIET
GJ .....
.,.,'f-.~&..71
HoohM ... H.~1.,.s

.. 1.. , ...

2BRIDES
-.
2BE

32

CURVE

TRUESEX:THE LIVESOF TRANS MEN AT
THE TURN OF THE CENTURY

By Major Margaret Witt with Tim Connor

LOWE.DUIANCE.ANOTH[MILIU.IIJJIIIAL

Written by a certified holistic health practitioner and sexual awakening facilitator,
this substantial book encourages readers to awaken their sexual energy with
"soul food" and sensuality rather than
dieting or emotional bingeing. Hello aphrodisiacs, goodbye ice cream-for-one!
Weightloss may even be a side effect.

By Emily Skidmore

Traces the earliest-known accounts of transgender life in America by focusing on 18
trans men living in the late 1800s and early
20th Century, mostly in small towns. Here's
a fresh, true view of queer history that transcends the view of LGBT identity and commuity as urban. (nyupress.org)

LOVE WINS
LAWYERS

WHO

THI; LANDMARK
MARRIAGE

FOUGHT

CASE
EQUALITY

,.01'1

LOVEWINS
By Debbie Cenziper & Jim Obergefe/1

Subtitled The Lovers and Lawyers Who
Fought the Landmark Case for Marriage
Equality, read all about the lead-up to the
monumental Supreme Court ruling that
conferred the right to marry on all couples
in all 50 U.S. states. Meet the couples and
crusaders who fought and won for marriage
equality in this handy paperback edition.

(themultiorgasmicdiet.com)

(williammorrow.com)

2BRIDES2BE

THE HONEYMOON HANDBOOK

By Laura Leigh Abby

By Lonely Planet

Abby and her wife Samantha learned what
made the perfect wedding by planning
their own. The founder and publisher of
2brides2be.com brings a classic vision to
lesbian weddings and for brides dreaming
of their big day. Everything you need to
know is covered, from wording the invites
to walking down the aisle in harmony and
style. (rarebirdlit.com)

A travel guide for honeymooners of all genders and sexual orientation, this travel-style
handbook also offers 25 new and exciting
destinations, including recommendations
for safaris, family-themed trips and ultimate
islands. There is also an LGBT-friendly indicator for same-sex couples with locations
rated from 1 to 5-and swinging Berlin
comes in at number 1. (lonelyplanet.com)

AUG/SEP

2017

BY DR. ELIZABETH FRANZMANN

April was STD Awareness and
Oral Cancer Awareness Month
but it's important
to continue
talking about the link between
human papillomavirus, or HPV-a
common sexually transmitted disease-and oral cancer, which kills
one person per hour, every day, in
the United States.
There are more than 529,000
new cases of oral cancer worldwide each year, and more than 40
percent of those diagnosed die
within five years. However, early
detection can more than double a
patient's chances of survival. While
all adults should be screened for
oral cancer, those who smoke or
use smokeless tobacco and consume alcohol excessively are at a
higher risk for the disease. Another risk factor includes exposure to
certain types of HPV, which is contributing to a rise in oral cancer
among young, otherwise healthy,
nonsmokers.
Here's what you need to know.

SOME
FACTS
ABOUT
THE
LINK
BETWEEN
HPV
AND
ORAL
CANCER:
• The Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention (CDC) says that up to 80 percent of Americans will have HPV infections in their lifetime
• HPV is one of the leading causes of
oral cancer
• The fastest growing segment of the
oral and oropharyngeal cancer population are otherwise healthy nonsmokers in
the 25-to-50 age range
• The greater the number of sexual
partners you have, the more likely you are
to contract a genital HPV infection; and
when engaging in oral sex, this also holds
true for oral infections.
HPV-related oral and oropharyngeal
cancers can be harder to discover than
tobacco-related
cancers because the
symptoms are not always obvious to the
affected person, and may not be visible
to dental or medical professionals. Many
of these symptoms can be very subtle
and painless, or can mimic the signs of
other illnesses.

It is more important than ever to be
aware of the risk factors for oral cancer,
and to get screened by a dental professional at your yearly checkup. To further
inform the public, Vigilant Biosciences
teamed with the Oral Cancer Foundation, the Head and Neck Cancer Alliance
(HNCA), and Support for People with Oral
and Head and Neck Cancer (SPOHNC) to
launch an awareness campaign that aims
to educate adults on the risk factors and
the importance of regular screening.
As part of the campaign, we announced the findings of our survey of
more than 500 U.S. adults. The survey
found that while only about a third of
those surveyed recall being screened for
oral cancer at their last dental checkup, a
large majority would like to be screened
at every checkup.
The survey also revealed how little
adults know about the various risk factors
for oral cancer, particularly the connection between oral cancer and HPV. While
the CDC reports that up to 70 percent
of oropharyngeal cancers may be associated with HPV, the survey found that

AUG/SEP

2017

CURVE

33

IEWS!SEX

59 percent of adults are not aware that
HPV is a risk factor for oral and oropharyngeal cancer. Of those surveyed who
have been diagnosed with HPV, only 36
percent considered themselves at risk for
oral cancer.
Additionally, the survey found that less
than 5 percent of respondents had discussed the relationship between HPV and
oral cancer with their dental professional.
However, once informed that HPV is the
fastest growing risk factor for oral cancer (particularly in the oropharynx area),
more than 50 percent of respondents
stated that they would like to be screened
more often for oral cancer.
Being proactive about oral health is
important. Always keep in mind the following tips:

2017

~THE
'VON

WORD OF MOUTH
ORAL, HEAD+

ORAL + OROPHARYNGEAL

NECK CANCER

CANCER RATES ARE GROWING
In 2017 in the U.S.'

• 529,000+

49,750+
individuals will be
diagnosed with oral or

new cases of oral cancer
each year worldwide 1

oropharyngeal cancer

of those diagnosed with oral
cancer die within five years 3

Early detection can more than double
a patient's chances of survival up to

•

V
•

,.

ARE YOU AT RISK?
♦

• Learn the risk factors: Anyone can
get oral cancer, but certain factors increase the risks. Tobacco use and excessive alcohol consumption are two major
risk factors, aside from HPV.
• Get screened regularly: Most adults
should be tested annually. A Vigilant Biosciences survey revealed that while only
29 percent of respondents recall being
screened for oral cancer at their last dental checkup, a large majority would like
to be screened at every checkup. Talk
to your dental professional about being
screened during your next visit.
• Be vigilant about your health: Maintain good oral and overall health. This
includes engaging in good oral health
practices, including getting regular dental and medical exams, and eating healthy
foods. If you notice any persistent changes in your throat or oral cavity, speak to
your healthcare provider.
• Practice safe sex: Up to 80 percent
of Americans will have HPV infections in
their lifetime. Practicing safe sex and limiting the number of your sexual partners
may lower the risk of contracting HPV.
With the number of oral cancer cases continuing to grow, more work still
needs to be done on raising awareness
of the disease. This is particularly true
with regard to the risk factors associated with the disease. With education, early detection, and awareness,
we can fight oral cancer, together.
(vigilantbiosciences.com) •

34

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AUG/SEP

2017

TOBACCO

ALCOHOL USE

Smoking/Smokeless/Vapor
No amount is safe;
risk increases with use

14+drinks/week for men;
7+ drinks/week for women

EXPOSURE TO
THE HPV VIRUS

SMOKING+

(Human Papillomavirus 16)

DRINKING

People who both smoke and
drink are at greatest risk

THE FACES OF ORAL CANCER ARE CHANGING
Oral, head and neck cancer among young adults is on the rise due to an increase in oral
human papilloma virus (HPV), a common sexually transmitted disease 5
of oropharyngeal
cance_rsmay be
associated
with HPV6

%

LEss
THAN

5%

have discussed the
relationship between
HPV and oral cancer
with their dental
professional 8

would like to be screened more
often for oral cancer 9

When told that certain types of HPV
are a risk factor for oral cancer

MORE EDUCATION

-

of US. adults are
not aware that HPV
1sa risk factor for
oral cancer 7

AND PREVENTION

IS NEEDED

62% of U.S. adults know very little, or nothing at all about oral cancer 10

I~

...
~

I

-=

MORE THAN

81%

OF U.S. ADULTS
would like to be screened for oral
cancer at every dental check-up 13

ON LY 20%

OF U.S. ADULTS

say that their dental professional spoke
with them about risk factors for oral
cancer at their last dental check-up"

cp

ONLY 29%oFu.s.ADULTS

reported that they were screened for
oral cancer at their last dental check-up'

0

MORE THAN

2

77%

OF U.S. ADULTS
want their dentist to help them learn ways
to reduce their risk of getting oral cancer 14

Data Sources: 1: WHO 2014·2015 World Cancer Report: 2·5: Oral

-t'iGILANT

BIOSCIENCES"

~:~t~:~

ALLIANCE

~~;vc:~t~i~:n7~~::~~1~'i~7.t~~a~:~~s~::ek
~~areness
0
th
~~:;';~~~~;cckt~~~{e~i!::~a"n~:'. ~~!~~:~:!r ~~l~an~°:t~~~~:
SupportforPeoplewithOral,HeadandNeckCancer

40 DELIGHTFULLYDAPPERWEDDINGS

44 GIFTS FOR LOVE A ND PRIDE

IC
IR

AY

~

I

FASHION
, ;
ACCESSORIES
, -"
IDENTITY · »

FED UP WITH A LACK OF VISUAL INSPIRATION FOR SAMESEX BRIDES,UK ILLUSTRATORSHOSHANA BRATTON SET
ABOUT CREATING HER OWN BOHO CHIC WEDDING STYLE.

Flipping through wedding magazines as a brideto-be, I was hit by a sinking sensation. White
dresses, white cake, white groom, white bride,
on every page. If you aren't straight and/or white,
chances are you'd feel that tinge of exclusion too.
There were lots of subtle but grating moments
my wife and I experienced when planning our
wedding. We felt like aliens looking in on a
culture we didn't fit into. So eight months after
our wedding, when I launched my illustration
company Shoshy Cadoodle, I began plotting to
do something that would challenge the wedding
industry's exclusivity. I set up a styled wedding
photoshoot featuring an interracial, same-sex
couple. Two dresses. One LGBT-friendly team. A
whole flower wall and a sprinkle of sparkle later,
we had our shoot. I hope this spread will leave
brides-to-be
feeling empowered,
rather than
excluded.

36

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

GET
THE
LOOK
For

the

rest

of the

story

STATIONERY:
Shoshy Cadoodle
shoshycadoodle.com

join

-di

JEWELLERY:
Wild Fawn Jewellery
wildfawnjewellery.com

STYLING, PROPS, FLOW-

FLOWER WALL:

ERS: Fleur De Lace

The Flower Folders

fleurdelace.co.uk

theflowerfolders.co.uk

DRESSES: La Poesie

lapoesie.co.uk
VEIL: Sash and Veil

s

PHOTOGRAPHY:
Emma Bonnick
els-photography.com

V p

VENUE: The Asylum
Chapel,
Caroline Gardens

sashandveil.co.uk
CAKE: Emma Page

FLOWER CROWNS:
Chic 'n' Cheerful

chicncheerful.co.uk
RAINBOW BAG: Pup Tart

emmapagecakes.co.uk

puptart.co.uk

MAKE-UP: Kim Eva May

MODELS: Lucy Scarfe &

kimevamay.com

Leila Naruo

AUG/SEP

2016

CURVE

37

Since 2009, dapperQ, a
leading queer style website,
has been documenting
queer engagement and
wedding style for their
"Wedding Wednesdays"
series, which provides
advice and inspiration
for LGBTQ women who
are planning on tying the
knot. We recently rounded
up some of the most
memorable engagement
and wedding looks from our
archives to inspire engaged
couples with fashion
preferences that range from
classic, for example, black
tailored suits, to fashionforward choices such as a
dress in bold red or emerald.

Mellina White Cusack (left)
and Sarah White Cusack (right)
Photo: Hannah Ludlow
Photography

40

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

STYLE/WEDO

Lydia Guterman (left).and
Rebekah Burford (right)
Photo: Brian Hatto·n:

Stephaine Blanch-Byer
(left) and Ardranae
Blanch-Byer (right)
Photo: Gaetano Scalia

IN

Dr. Nina Maresca (left) and Emily Hall Maresca (right)
Photo: Jennifer Liseo

Monet Alexander Hinton
(left) and Nandi
Alexander-Hinton (right)
Photo:
Nataki Hewling

Meg Cale (left) and
Lindsay Cale (right)
Photo: Grace Chu
Photography

GOOD
CLEAN
LOVE
Freshen up with

Perfect gifts for summer loving.

personalized soap
chips this summer. We
chose a "Love Is Love"
message in refreshing

ALWAYS
TIME
FOR
PRIDE

white grapefruit (7

Adventurous accessories brand

scents and any mes-

Kapten & Son have launched a

sage available).Valsey

limited edition watch for LGBT

and Me's adorable

Pride month, and 15 percent of

2-inch soaps come in

proceeds from each watch bene-

treasure chest boxes.

fit NYC Pride. These German-de-

(vaseyandme.com)

signed timepieces come in two
sizes and feature rainbow nylon
bands, a white or black watch
face, and stylish stainless rose

HERS
&HERS
INEVERY
HUE

gold or silver casing.

Send a special message of true inter-

(kapten-son.com)

sectionality with eco-friendly Huetribe
greeting cards, which offer choice and
represent racial, cultural and sexual
diversity in the greeting card market.

WINK
AT
HER

(huetribe.com)

Looking for a cheeky
bachelorette or bridesmaid
gift-or maybe you want
one for yourself! Crave's

LOVE
WINS
THE
DAY

rechargeable Wink+ vibrator

Celebrate #equality and keep

can be kept in plain sight

cool with this adorable tank

without arousing suspicion.

featuring an empowering

Travel-friendly, sophisticated

slogan and a rainbow heart. This

and female-engineered,

exclusive, screenprinted cotton/

available in silver and rose

poly/spandex top will keep the
Pride vibe going until the end

gold. (lovecrave.com)

of summer and is one of many
rainbow-themed gifts available.
(spencersonline.com)

TIED
AND
TRUE
Support three major
LGBT organizations with a
#Bows4Pride rainbow tie.
The entire $25 purchase
price goes to SAGE, for
LGBT older adults; the SF
LGBT Center's resources;
and Free2Luv, the youth
empowerment

nonprofit.

(bows-n-ties.com)
44

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2017

WONDERFULWEDDINGS

DESERTHEARTS

COUPLES IN HARMONY

AUG/SEP

2017

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WE'RE HERE,WE'RE QUEER,
AND WE WANT TO GET MARRIED,TOO.
BY KIRSTEN PALLADINO

Canadians Jennifer and Mellissa
traveled to Maui for their
destination beach wedding.

wEDDIN

FEATURES/

"Aninvaluableresourcewithauniqueper,peclive."-CARLEYROMEY

-

The Ultimate

colounderofTheKnot

Guide ta Planning

-

YOUR LGBTQ+ WEDDING

cheerful paragraphs devoted to same-

ceremony."

sex

option

"commitment

"civil

EQUALLY
WED

ceremonies"

unions"-phrases

that

and

I loathe.

"Look, you too can have a ceremony,"
these authors implied. "Just take all of

dreaming of her wedding.
I soon found out that the wedding
industry could be equally homophobic.
I called and emailed wedding

how it applies to you, and go forth with

the exquisite

their websites or in their magazine ads,

no confusion

or feelings of

Now let's get back to what
when

a groom

makes the

services

only to be hurt and confused
they

emailed

me back

blessing they might be able to, or when

find even one or two mentions of gay

or, perhaps

rare

but save for the

same-sex

returned

my calls

experience

celebrity

Maria and I were alone in

like us could avoid feeling excluded.

updated

that one person, my soul mate. I was

gay- or lesbian specific books, but they

blissful Caribbean

often

didn't speak to us. These well-meaning

equality-minded

resources

understanding

meeting my mate.
my twenties,

I knew a few things for certain:

I was

going to be an editor and a writer, and

include

also

didn't

magazine

couple. We launched equallywed.com

yet have full representation
world.

and modern couple

who needed a wedding

resource that

something

tailored,

where

something

made just for us-and

February

four years later on

29, 2008,

my thirtieth

one day shy of

birthday,

Elated, I accepted

in Central Park.

immediately.

our return

to Atlanta,

bookstore,

one of my favorite

and

began

wedding

opening

planning.

available.

We wanted

something

true,
it

Upon

I went to the
books

places,
about

What I discovered

My heart
this.

I felt

for

the

broke

into

crushed,

in March 2010, and the world went wild
Okay, that's not quite true, but we
quickly

had a lengthy

plenty of other media coverage that I'm
forever g ratef u I for.

pieces

over

forgotten,

and

with love and gratitude
represent

couples

getting

friends.

those marriages,

To me, just

sex marriages

across the country

mean that we couldn't

descriptions

be

because

same-

hadn't yet been legally
didn't

have a wedding

ceremonially

married.

We

equality

We also wanted

by walking

nearlyweds

in that book, but the language excluded

separate

fountain

us. Some wedding

different

even had

water

and

using

terms such as "commitment

marriage

the normalcy

and to promote
under

the law that LGBTQ+ couples deserve.

rank as citizens

guides

to support

of these weddings,

LGBTQ+

to validate

the love and equal protection

weren't going to take second or third
up to a

modern

married,

by showcasing

me. Sure, we could imagine our place

even applied to Maria and

reacted

that warmed

my heart. Our main purposes were to

wasn't as good as those of my straight

and

print feature in

the New York Times, spots on CNN, and

visually

was all "bride and groom": none of the

LGBTQ+

for it.

It felt like my wedding

unimportant.

recognized

modern

And the LGBTQ+ community

didn't exist.

dating my future wife.
Maria proposed

wasn't

in

Maria and I were

as an editor at a national art magazine,
I began

and editor. We

created Equally Wed, an on line wedding

LGBTQ+

simply

when

and me as the writer

and we

newspaper helped me land my first job
I was working

as the

and web developer,

The

a young, vibrant,

newspaper
my college

designer

woman.

intern

of

on the

island of Saint Martin,

is multifaceted,

didn't

in chief

us from our

honeymoon

Maria and I got to work-she
graphic

man nor a lesbian

soil, delivering

community
the wedding

at a metropolitan

the

As soon as our plane landed back on
American

cisgender

Sure enough, my work as an editorial
editor

reflect

nonheterosexuals

many people who are neither

a gay cisgender

someday I would meet my life partner.

and

and more obscure

that

This

much that we decided to do something

being swept off my feet and finding

detective novel, romanticizing

emails.

Maria and me so

about it to ensure that other couples

Even when we took our search online,

was a sweet romance or some daring

and

bothered

we found only a few outdated and rarely
websites

a phone call,

worse, when they never

I always wanted to get married. As

I entered

they

didn't do gay weddings but with Jesus's

a little girl, I dreamed of marriage, of

By the time

when

saying

they went silent during

planning our wedding.

my future, including

on

much of the same. I hoped that I would

wedding,

much of

described

speak ..." Wedding magazines provided

incredibly

it

vendors

absolutely

or lesbian weddings,

lost in some book, whether

an
up

with the hope that they could deliver

in your own head about

toast and his bride may or may not

PALLADINO

wasn't

who'd grown

gymnastics

happens

Foreword by Lance Bass and Michael Tu,chin

simply

what I have written here, do the mental

exclusion.

KIRSTEN

That

for someone

wedding
coined

to connect

with

professionals,
after working

AUG/SEP

LGBTQ+

equality-minded
a

term

I

with thousands

2017

CURVE

47

pansexual,

queer,

or

the right to marriage and to be treated

simply label-free. Though the LGBTQ+

as first-class citizens while we plan our

community

weddings.

beginning

After

marriage

equality

became

a

reality with the 5-4 Supreme

Court decision striking down same-sex

The idea for a wedding

book for

since

the

for visibility.

Equally Wed won't allow

for our erasure in the wedding

world.

years after

through my brain for quite some time,

We're here, we're queer, and we want

but I didn't

to get married too.

challenges

grew significantly.

remain and acceptance

But
in

summon

find a publisher

running

existed

LGBTQ+ couples

Equally Wed was born-

has been

has

of time, we are still fighting

marriage bans, on June 26, 2015-five
our readership

the courage

to

until after the 2015
from

Equally

Wed:

The

Supreme Court decision.

down that everyone deserves a gender-

Ultimate

neutral wedding

LGBTQ+ Wedding by Kirsten Palladino.

industry, which includes

media,

vendors,

learning

what

understanding

and venues,

is still

it means to be truly
and

only

slowly

that it has been locked

into a heteronormative

worldview

Equally Wed founders
Kirsten and Maria Palladino
married in Decatur,
Georgia, in an intimate late
spring garden wedding on
June 13, 2009. Two years
later, they legally wed in
New York.

that

plan their
transgender,
gender

I knew deep

Excerpted

society is far from universal. Much of
the wedding

equality-minded

'

bisexual,

isn't everyone's worldview.

LGBTQ+ community.
federal

We all have

gay,

of vendors who really care about the

book with which to

wedding,

whether

nonbinary,

nonconforming,

they're

Copyright

Guide

to

Planning

Your

© 2017. Available from Seal

genderqueer,

Press, an imprint

of Perseus Books,

gender fluid,

LLC, a subsidiary

of Hachette

intersex, agender, intergender,

lesbian,

Book

Group, Inc.•

Georgian
couple Ethan,
a trans man,
and Jessica had
a DIY outdoor
wedding in
New York.

MAYAN

MAGIC

ON

THE

MEXICAN
RIVIERA
FOR A BUSY NEW YORK LESBIAN COUPLE,
A BLISSFUL BEACHFRONT WEDDING AT
BANYAN TREE MAYAKOBARESORT.

FEATURES/

Meaghan Wells and Jennifer Loeffler

beachfront and part of the jungle. The

wEDDIN

in the presence of the gods and supreme

were looking for a secluded, luxurious

events team was incredibly supportive

beings, declares them wife and wife. They

resort in the Caribbean to host their

and walked us through all of our decisions

are sprinkled with rose petals and invited

friends

a destination

and

to make a floral offering to the ocean.

manages

vendors in the area. They also were very

"We wanted a ceremony that would

operations for a German tower crane

accommodating with our request to hold

be spiritual, but not religious or kitschy,"

manufacturer, while Wells, 29, is VP of

nearly every event on the beach."

says Wells. "When we first met Gaby, the

and family

wedding.

Loeffler,

for
28,

U.S.

Finance for a private aviation company.
Together they decided

on the Riviera

made

creative

introductions

to

Friends and family stayed on property
in three-bedroom

Maya on the East Coast of Mexico-

cost-efficient

villas, which afforded

luxury.

"Overall,

Banyan

wife of the shaman who performed our
ceremony, we were so inspired by her aura
and when she explained the four ideals

attracted to its cuisine, beautiful beaches,

Tree is not only the best resort we have

that the ceremony

and accessibility for guests coming from

ever stayed at-it

love, purity, strength, and prosperity-we

Germany and the U.S.

venue," says Loeffler.

was a perfect wedding

revolved around-

were sold. Involving family and friends

Loeffler, who hails from Germany, says

Wells and Loeffler shaped their personal

and nature was also something we liked,

that "After visiting a few other resorts

commitment ceremony around the hotel's

especially with the ceremony ending with

in the area, we felt that no other place

Mayan Ceremony, a unique offering at

throwing roses into the ocean."

compared to

Banyan Tree Mayakoba. In this sacred

Banyan Tree Mayakoba."

(For a tour, turn to page 68).
"The service, from the time we arrived,
was impeccable

and the team made

us feel like we were the only guests,"

Loeffler

notes

ritual performed by a Mayan shaman in

their wedding

that

the

focus

was on spirituality,

of
not

his native language, the shaman blesses

materialism.

the couple with four elements: maize,

much with what to wear-we

symbolizing

dresses last minute and wore the rings we

the abundance of Mother

"We did not bother that
bought

says Wells. "The luxury of the resort was

Earth; water and flowers as a prayer for

had bought each other a while ago. What

also impressive-every

their relationship;

was important to us was that we had a

villa had its own

smoke from natural

pool and was decorated to the highest

Mayan incense to promote understanding

beach ceremony with all of our friends

standards,

delicious,

of each other; and the spirit of fire so that

and family."

and the staff took care of every whim.

they may receive positive and creative

Impressed with Banyan Tree Mayakoba,

The variety of the landscape was also

energy. These blessings are accompanied

the couple plans to stay at the Banyan

by songs and drumming.

Tree Ungasan in Bali when they take their

amazing.

the

food

was

Boats and golf carts drove

everyone around the property, which was

The shaman

asks the couple to express their love, and

honeymoon this fall.•

The shaman declares them wife and wife

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51

URES/WEOOINGS

A bountiful blessing

MARKtTPlACt
Go o: www IBeitterBoiscom

BUYERS

REPRESENTATION
BY
THENATION'S
TOP
LGBTQ
REALTORS.

She's not just the kind of wedding

nonprofit for six years. In 2010, before gay

planner you want to hire, she's the kind

marriage was legal in Virginia, she wed

of broad you want to hang out with.

Beth Manghi in a state park outside the

Funny, foul-mouthed,

city. The pair eventually traveled to D.C.,

and

almost

as

dedicated to social justice as she is to her

and on National Coming Out Day legally

wife, Beth, Casey Dokoupil is also whip

exchanged vows in front of the White

smart and knows how to throw a hell of

House.

a party. She's been doing it professionally

Dokoupil, who understands all about

now for about two years, along with her

being treated less than, calls that first

business partners,

wedding "bittersweet, because it wasn't

Rachel Leyco and

Linda Mccurdy, who are queer as well.

real," adding,

In that time, EQ Events has coordinated

something you can explain to people who

around

30

special

occasions

in the

for a wedding, and not be married."

weddings,

they also

So it's with no small amount of joy and
a whole lot of verve that Dokoupil helps

Dokoupil, who also officiates, "is to get

LGBTQ couples get hitched legally. She

people married off happily."

says one of her favorite nuptials was "a
two-bride wedding at the Poe Museum.

explains, is by "vetting vendors not just

It was so romantic, with vintage styling

for quality, but also to make sure that

that went perfectly with the feeling of the

they are going to treat our clients with

venue. Both brides were crying ...wearing

dignity and respect. So that they don't

couture

have to feel anxiety that they're going

of class, but it was so Richmond-y.

outfits.

It was the

epitome

to be treated like they're less than-it

Richmond is very artistic and quirky, and

happens all the time, but I don't want it to

a lot of couples like to play off that."

happen to any of my clients. So that's one

For DIY couples planning a wedding,

of the main services that we provide and

Dokoupil

what makes us a high value to our queer

figuring out what's most important-for

suggests

they

start

by

example, having a historic venue-and

clients."
Dokoupil, a long-time

2017

it feels like

make exceptional

One way EQ Events does that, Dokoupil

AUG/SEP

have straight privileges-what

it's

to plan a wedding, have a wedding, pay

though the company's main goal, says

CURVE

know that

Richmond, Va., area. Not only do they
write proposals and throw fundraisers,

54

"I don't

social justice

then deciding on a budget for it. As for

crusader, was raised in Syracuse, N.Y.,

vendors, she says, "Ask them straight up:

and has a master's degree in international

'Are you welcoming

social

living

And if there's any hesitation, hang up

everywhere from Australia to Scotland,

and try someone else." With a chuckle,

Dokoupil

she adds, "Couples can always just email

development.
settled

After

in Richmond,

where

to queer people?'

she taught a classroom of young male

me and I'll give them advice for free!"

sex offenders through a Family Services

(eqeventsrva.com) •

f you had to sum up Mary Lambert in

such a universal moment. You can go

When

one word, it might wel I be "authentic" -

back to that moment when you first held

release party in New York City, Bold was in

not a word that often springs to mind

hands with somebody and it was, like,

Billboard's Top 10, despite being released

when you're describing

a pop star!

better than sex. There was a time when it

not on Capitol but on the singer's own

But then, Lambert is by no means a

was better, you know? And sometimes it

MaryLambertSings label! Proof that even

typical pop star.

still is!" Amen.

in the world of pop music, there are those

know, unless you've

A lot has happened to Lambert in the

been living under a rock, Mary Lambert

three years or so since her breakout with

is a musician from Washington state who

Macklemore. She released an excellent

got her big break when she sang the

four-song EP called Welcome to the Age

As you probably

Curve

caught

her

recent

CD

rare times when an artist can stay true to
herself and still have a hit.
As is typical of Lambert, Bold is a
diverse disc even at six songs-seven,

hook of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis's

of My Body; she was signed to Capitol

if you count Chamuel's remix of "Know

2014 smash, "Same Love," a hip-hop

Records, which issued her official debut

Your Name." That song, the

song in support of marriage equality. But

album, Heart on My Sleeve, in 2015; she's

single from Bold, is one of the lighter

Lambert herself is not a hip-hop artist. Her

performed

at the Grammys, on Good

moments on the EP. In contrast to the

music falls more in the singer-songwriter

Morning America, and on a host of other

hopeless-romantic theme of "She Keeps

genre-but

TV shows; she's romantically

current

involved

Me Warm," it's actually about a hookup.

piano rather than the guitar, and her

with a fellow musician, Michelle Chamuel

The video Lambert filmed for the song

repertoire is as likely to include intense

(who is still her partner); and she did

takes place in a Barcade and features

spoken-word

several lengthy tours, both supporting

performances from Sara Ramirez, Jacob

pop tunes. The song that made her a star

Gavin DeGraw and as a headliner. And it

Tobia, and Hazel Jade. Elsewhere on Bold,

is "She Keeps Me Warm," a deceptively

all happened so quickly that it felt like a

there's a moving ballad called "Love Is

simple ballad that includes the hook from

blur to Lambert.

her songs are written on the

pieces as it is feel-good

"Same Love" ("I can't change, even if I

As much

Love," written and co-sung by her mother

as Capitol

needs to

be

(whose name is also Mary Lambert!), and

tried"), which this straight, male writer

commended

a plus-size,

a pop song called "Hang Out with You,"

admits he still can't listen to (or watch)

openly gay singer with bipolar disorder,

which was written earlier than most of the

without getting misty-eyed.

there is also the reality of the "star maker

other tracks.

for

signing

sang

But if you think Lambert has sold out

says, "Thank you! Wow! It was my dream

about in the 1970s. Once you sell (or

and gone totally pop, nothing could be

for years to do that video. First of all, as

are expected to sell) a certain number

further from the truth.

a plus-size woman, [I'm] vastly under-

of albums, it's very easy to become a

Down," arguably the EP's centerpiece, is

represented in the media. And when I am

product in the eyes of your label-even

six minutes of spoken-word catharsis. It's

represented, it's [as] a comedic tool. It's

that wasn't the original intent.

When I tell her as much, Lambert

not allowed to be sexy or romantic. So I

machinery"

that

Joni

Mitchell

if

"Lay Your Head

no secret that though she's not yet 30,

In the liner notes of Lambert's new,
released EP, Bold, she

Lambert has been through

more than

some people go through in a lifetime-

wanted to make that video, regardless;

independently

just the idea of a plus-size woman being

actually

their

including being kicked out of her church

a main character, someone who falls in

letting her go "an act of kindness!" And

for being gay and surviving more than

thanks

Capitol,

calling

sexual

assault.

Experiences

like

she means it-which,

Me Warm,' [it] made sense to honestly

typical pop star reaction. "I had a great

these might

depict a lesbian relationship as well. I just

time on the label," she explains. "It served

men, the church, patriarchy in general.

wanted to get all my agendas out in one

a great purpose. They could have [come]

But Mary Lambert is not some people.

fell swoop!" She laughs.

back to me with what I had presented to

She acknowledges

them and been, like, 'No. Make something

ultimately ends up focusing on the light.

"If you have, you know, your Taylor

again, is hardly a

one

love with somebody. And with 'She Keeps

make some people hate

the

darkness

but

Swifts and John Mayers and everybody

else.' But to me, it was a real act of love

In "Lay Your Head Down," she's written

making these heterosexual love stories,

[for them to say], 'We really value what

"I used to cry because I was alone and

why can't I be represented as well?" she

you do [but]

asks. "Why isn't there that visibility? I'm

[better]

if there's a

I wanted to die ...l cry because I am

partner for you.' And me also

full now. How could one person be so

a hopeless romantic, too. I don't feel

having that realization of, 'I think I could

fortunate to live with all this light?" When

disassociated from a romantic comedy

do this on my own.' I really felt like it was

I ask her how she's able to do this, she

because it's a male and a female. Because

very loving, and [it was] very amicable."

says, "If I had a thesis statement for my

we wonder

is not something that a pop

life, [it might be] that song. I believe that

moment of the song, I didn't want it to be

star normally says, but it's absolutely true.

the capacity for happiness is matched

a kiss. I wanted it to be two hands in the

And, at the moment at least, Lambert

with the capacity for grief. And I think

backseat of a car. Because I feel like that's

seems to have the best of both worlds.

those of us who have grieved heavily,

it's love. [So] I knew that at the pinnacle

Again-this

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61

or experienced

sometimes unthinkable

same time, there are small victories and

is essential to change. I read an article

things, really understand the value of life.

there are reasons to be joyful and there

recently

It makes living more profound than [it is

are beautiful aspects of humanity. You

you care about humanity, you should

for] maybe someone who hasn't been

can't have one without the other; it's not

be prepared to break the law.' It's true. I

close to death-or

possible."

believe in kindness and compassion for all,

[had] the desire to die.

"I think that's why my desire to connect

I ask Lambert

with people issohigh," Lambert continues.

thoughts

"Because I've seen it:-

administration-how

Over the course

about

to

expand

the

on

her

Trump/Pence

it might affect the

that

said something

like, 'If

and I can understand where everybody's
coming from, having been raised in a
fundamentalist

church.

[But] we're at

of 10 years, [I've] gone from complete

country's LGBTQ community. "It's hard to

that place where civil disobedience

self-hatred or attempted suicide to 'How

find the positive," she admits. "I think if

necessary, and disruption has to be part

could I have ever felt that way? The world

there is a positive, it's about the resilience

of the narrative."

is so beautiful.' But also [knowing] that

of America. I mean, trans rights already

The writer and publicist Kelly Cutrone

nothing is static. Everything is moving,

[have] very little protection. So to have

once said that Lambert is actually a healer

all the time. We want to look at things

them even more threatened, or to have

disguised as a pop star-an

as absolute sometimes. Whether it's a

things being overturned-it's

that seems pretty accurate. "My primary

nihilistic mentality of looking at the world

like, 'trans people are gonna die' is a

goal since I was a kid is to impact the

like everything's awful, or closing our eyes

hyperbole. More trans people will die.

world positively," Lambert tells me. "My

and ears and being, like, 'Everything's

[And that's] a tragedy."

goal is to create an environment for a

not even,

is

assessment

great, let me just go on Twitter!' [But] all

"I'm reminded of being in high school,"

listener to feel safe and vulnerable,and

parts exist simultaneously. You can be

Lambert adds. "Telling myself to just hold

to hopefully heal. To be a catalyst for

angry about the state of the world. You

on, find community, pray. And engage!

that. That's why I perform.

can be fuckin' pissed off about Donald

It's so important to engage, to not be

sharing. It's about an invitation to heal."

Trump, [and] you should be. But at the

closed off, to understand that ally-ship

(marylambertsings.com) •

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It's about

I'm uncharacteristically nervous before interviewing Young M.A. I
can't help worrying that the swaggering Brooklyn rapper will be way
too cool for someone like me. I decide my best strategy is to play
up the obvious differences between us-she's a fearless hip-hop artist who opened for Beyonce, has over 200 million YouTube views,
and spits her male counterparts under the nightclub table-and me,
well, I'm a slightly posh, very silly writer who often trips over her own
high heels. As I dial her number, I pray she gets the joke. It's a journalistic gamble, but luckily one that pays off. She cracks up when I
ask, doing my best impression of Dame Maggie Smith in Downton
Abbey, "So, M.A, have you really been getting bitches since the third
grade?"
It turns out she has. "Hell yeah, my first kiss was with a girl. There
was a game that we played called House. I used to play the daddy,
so I had to kiss the mommy." I chortle knowingly and tell her, "Oh
M.A, we all played that game." That's when I realize I needn't have
worried. However full-throttle her music is, the woman behind the
bars is charming and affable, with a warm, gravelly voice and a brilliant sense of humor.
She started rapping when she was just 9 years old. "Right away I
fell in love with music," she says. But surely she wasn't spitting about
the "hoes in the club" while she was still in primary school, was she?
"That's the crazy thing though. There I was, talking about pimps in
the club. I don't know why," she laughs. M.A and I clearly had very
different childhoods. "I got older and more wise and realized I wanna speak for the people. To this day, I still talk about things that
actually do go on in my life."
When we start chatting about her relationship with model/DJ Tori
Brixx, M.A's voice softens. "She's such an angel." I ask if Tori minds
her singing so many songs about getting with other girls. "Nah, she's
cool, she's cool. She's definitely understanding, because she's in the
business as well." I'm curious if, now that she's happily coupled up,
we'll see a difference in her music. "It won't change nothing," she
assures me. "It just gives me something else to speak about, and for
people to relate to."
Much has been made of M.A's being the first out lesbian to break
through to mainstream success in the hip-hop industry. She insists,
"It actually feels normal. Anybody who comes up to me is always
just, like, 'Yo, I love your music, you're dope.' It's never 'You're a dope
gay rapper.' You have the little vultures on the internet, but if we're
talking real life, it's always been about love. I can say that hip-hop
has accepted me."
When I wonder out loud if it would be possible for hip-hop to embrace a gay male rapper in the same way, she's not so sure. "Once
gay guys become a little more accepted in life, eventually they'll
become accepted in hip-hop, but it's gonna take a very long time
for that to happen. Hopefully, I can be the one to help bring that
in." She adds what for her is the crucial point: "And they gotta be
dope as hell. A lot of people look past that I'm gay. And a lot of guys
can relate to what I do, too. They do the same thing," she sniggers,
referring to the sexually explicit language in her tracks. A sample
lyric from her breakout hit, "Ooouuu": "They call her Stephanie, I
call her Headphanie."
M.A's critics have accused her of perpetuating the same sexist
stereotypes, and in the same way, that the male rappers who've
come before her did. Unsurprisingly, it's not a topic she particularly
enjoys discussing. She sums up her stance best in an interview with
The Fader: "At the end of the day, men can be described the same

64

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way as men describe women. A man can be a ho, just as much as

and I was very hidden," she says. She initially found it difficult to

a woman can be a ho. And I'm a woman myself! I respect women.

accept her own sexuality. "I thought I was the only person who

I respect my mother."

was like this. When I got older, I realized that my attraction for

She doesn't just respect her mother-she credits the "superwoman" with making her who she is today. "My mother was the

women wasn't going away; it wasn't no phase."
Thankfully, M.A has grown to embrace herself completely, and

biggest influence in my life, the only influence. She's the strongest
woman I know. It's amazing to see how much she's been through,

now the music industry embraces her in return. Whatever you
might think of the words she uses to describe her life experience,

and she's still on her feet." M.A's father was in prison throughout
her childhood, and her brother was stabbed to death in a gang

you can't deny that she's ferociously talented and has worked incredibly hard to get where she is. She explains that she's "grate-

fight when she was still a teenager. She proudly describes how
her mom always looked out for her, buying her equipment-ka-

ful" for the struggle she's been through. "It definitely made me
stronger. It made me feel like now I can take on anything. I don't

raoke machines, microphones-and doing anything she could to
help her daughter achieve her ambitions.

want people to feel like nothing is possible. Anything is possible."
With her lyrical mastery, natural charisma, and inspiring

Despite this unwavering support, it took M.A a long time to
come out to the person closest to her. "She kind of knew all my

self-belief, M.A has successfully smashed down barriers that have
existed in the music industry for decades. "Now that I have the

life. Every now and then she'd say, 'Do you like girls?' I used to tell
her no. I didn't know how she would feel about it. Finally, when I

freedom to express myself, I just take advantage of it. I love being
myself, I love being free, I love being able to say, 'This is what I
am.'"

got to express it to her, a whole relief just came off my shoulders.
I became who I was that very day."

I ask her what the M.A in her name stands for. "It's just Me

M.A's strong sense of self is one of the things that makes her
music so appealing, but she hasn't always been this confident.

Always."
Young M.A's EP Herstory is out now. Her debut album, Herstory

"When I was younger I was very uncomfortable, I was very shy,

in the Making, will drop later this year. (youngmamusic.com) •

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70 SURPRISINGSAN JUAN

76 ROMANCING RICHMOND

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Inside the aquatic paradise of Banyan Tree Mayakoba.
BY MERRYN

Paradise on earth does exist. It's on
the Riviera Maya, at the magical Banyan
Tree Mayakoba. This 5-star resort on
the eastern seaboard of the Yucatan
Peninsula is something special: a village
of 120 elegant and private villas built
around a commanding and beautiful
Asian-inspired complex, within which
flows a blue-green lagoon that connects
to cenotes, the scared subterranean
chambers where fresh water meets the
sea. It's a little like Venice, Mayan-style.
Mayakoba-meaning
village over the
water in the Mayan language-is a unique
blend of Asian hospitality and philosophy
applied to Mexican heritage and culture.
Whether your villa is lagoon-view or
oceanfront-there
are seven types to
choose from including a three-bedroom
family residence perfect for weddings-

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JOHNS

all are spacious with private pools, open
areas and individual floorpans that give
you privacy and flexibility. Odds are
they're bigger than the space you live
in-starting at 3,000 sq. ft.
To get around a resort this size and
shape and visit everything it has to
offer, from the beach club to the spa
pavilion, you can take the lagoon boat
or bicycle-or request a golf cart to pick
you up. You'll probably never need to go
to town in Playa Del Carmen because
the resort has everything, including
dining as transcendental as the resort
itself. Saffron, Banyan Tree's signature
restaurant serves upscale and innovative
Thai cuisine. It's a lovely experience to sit
on the romantically-lit deck overlooking
the tropical mangroves. For simple dayboat seafood, Sands Restaurant at the

beach pavilion is the spot, but carnivores
will be delighted by Tomahawk, which
serves choice cuts of meat grilled to
perfection. And for a fun happy hour or
nightcap, La Copa on the upper level
of the lobby bar serves international
wines and cocktails with views from the
expansive terrace. For breakfast, Oriente
presents an exquisite and extensive
buffet laden with fresh traditional
Mexican, Asian, and European dishes.
But for a culinary experience that is
literally out of this world, book a seat or
two at HAAB'. This special group dinner
banquet takes its name from the Mayan
calendar and is not just a meal-it's an
immersive and interactive night-long
experience. Beginning in the lobby at
sundown, and after a brief ceremony to
thank the departing day, you are led by

FEATURES/

Mayan warriors adorned in face paint,
traditional
costume
and feathered
headdresses, and escorted with flaming
torches to a forest glade. The warriors
ignite four fire pits, signifying the cardinal
points of north, south, east and west,
and pray for the next day. In the centre
is a table where the dinner is served and
between courses you will hear stories of
Mayan history, culture and the natural
world, including the Yucatan people's
environmental wisdom. On the menu
are ancient Mayan recipes, cooked over
an open fire pit. You begin with warm
sopes-a
Mexican appetizer of fried
cornmeal, freshly harvested vegetables
and slow cooked meat paired with
an indigenous aperitif
infused with
wildflowers and served in a small wooden
jar. Tequila and signature cocktails made
with local Mayan liqueurs help you to get
to know your neighbors and more dishes
follow: Aguachile ceviche made with
fresh fish and shrimp. Lime soup with
tender chicken. Spiced suckling pig. Fish
wrapped in banana leaves. Tortillas filled
with chayote and other native vegetables.
Even the desserts are Mayan, but gringos
will be delighted with the final touch:
'smores shared over the firepit.
I have never really experienced such a
revelatory meal with complete strangers.
Introducing ourselves at the beginning of
dinner, an American man seated next to
me broke down in tears and apologized
to the Mexican people for Donald Trump.
This proclamation called for more tequila
and a good night was had by all.

But it wouldn't be a vacation without a
bit of body pampering, and that means
a treatment at the award-winning Banyan
Tree Spa. While there are 16 lagoon or
jungle-view private treatment pavilions
where certified therapists from the
Banyan Tree Spa Academy conduct
body treatments, massages or facials, I
selected "The Rainforest" hydrotherapy
experience. This extraordinary guided
regimen of showers, steams, and soaksincluding a dose of crushed ice!-is
labyrinthine, and by the end of it you will
be hydrated, detoxed, and as compliant
as a tortilla.
If you must be active there is yoga in
the spa pavilions, or you can play golf
on a spectacular 18-hole championship

TRA

golf course designed by Greg Norman
and home to the only PGA Tour event in
Latin America. Since you are surrounded
by water you can snorkel and kayak, too,
or spend a day at the beach. I recommend
the ecological boat tour through the
property where you can marvel at the
aquatic life (including a baby crocodile)
and birdwatch in complete serenity.
If you are here for love, request an
Intimate Moment: return to your villa and
discover it decorated with candles, rose
petals, satin bed linens, aromatic oils
and incense. Wine, exotic fresh fruit and
chocolate will have been artfully arranged
around your outdoor tub to inspire your
night of romance-with a Mayan blessing.
(banyantree.com) •

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Puerto Rico is ready for your destination

wedding

or honeymoon.

BY JILL GLEESON

Oh, San Juan, you do know how to do
us right. White sand beaches so powdery
and soft they are like confectioner's
sugar. Gentle green seas that cool and
caress us under that dazzling Caribbean
sun. And evenings made giddy with
fine rum, spicy cuisine, and seductive
nightclubs, where sweat-slicked flesh
presses close on dance floors. Just as
alluring to American travelers as any of
these temptations is how easy San Juan
is to enter-no
passport or currency
exchange required, since Puerto Rico is
a U.S. territory.
San Juan, its erotic, exotic capital
city, is a fast four-hour flight from New
York, making it the ideal location for a
sexy, sunny, no-hassle honeymoon or
destination wedding. Puerto Rico, which
legalized same-sex marriage when the

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U.S. mainland did, boasts plenty of
ultra-luxe properties that exist simply
to pamper. Three in particular, Hotel
El Convento, La Concha Resort, and
the Condado Vanderbilt, are especially
appealing. All three offer a dedicated
staff trained to help plan your perfect
nuptials and honeymoon. And with the
whole city at your disposal, you'll never
run out of things to do-that is, if you
make it out of your hotel suite.

SAN
JUAN'S
COLONIAL
CHARM
In a city founded in 1508 by the famed
conquistador Ponce de Leon, history is
everywhere, particularly down the blue
cobblestone streets of Old San Juan.
Filled with Colonial buildings daubed in
the brilliant colors of the tropics, Old San
Juan is home to one of the island's most

romantic retreats, Hotel El Convento
(elconvento.com).
The property was
built more than three centuries ago as a
Carmelite convent, and contains just 58
guest rooms, all graced with Old World
touches like wooden ceiling beams,
handcrafted tiles, and antique chests.
The magnificent Cathedral of San
Juan Bautista, almost half a millennium
old, is right across the street, a bonus for
marriage-minded twosomes, according
to El Convento spokesperson Neisha
Martinez. "Between 25 to 30 percent
of the weddings we celebrate at El
Convento have their ceremony at the
cathedral," she notes. "The decor, such as
the checkered floors, doors, chandeliers,
and arches, are the same between the
cathedral and our hotel, which is a huge
appeal to our couples."

FEATURES/

For those celebrating newly wedded
bliss, a tour through Old San Juan is a
must, including stops at the massive El
Morro, a fort that dates back almost to
the city's founding, and Plaza de Armas,
ringed by charming local shops.

SOPHISTICATED
GLAMOUR
Located
in
the
super-swanky
Condado district, La Concha Resort
(laconcharesort.com)
is sleek
and
modern, with airy open spaces layered
in gleaming white. A favorite of lesbians
looking to put a ring on it, the hotel has
hosted around 10 lesbian weddings
since same-sex marriage became legal,
according to J.C. Cappas, the hotel's
LGBT liaison. One particularly memorable
ceremony involved a lesbian couple who
decided to elope at La Concha, says
Cappas, "because they felt so safe and
welcomed ....lt started to rain [during
the wedding] and the way the team
came through to move everything was
priceless."
While San Juan is blessed with a
wealth of restaurants serving some of the
Caribbean's finest food, honeymooning
couples staying at La Concha will want to
make sure to book a table at Perla, housed
in an architectural wonder inside the
resort. Specializing in seafood, its menu
includes fennel-dusted diver scallops
so tender they nearly dissolve on your
tongue.
Meanwhile, sand-and-sea lovers will

TRA

be pleased to discover that La Concha
offers its own slice of both, but Condado
Beach, where Cappas says "the gay
sun-worshippers tend to gather," is a
short walk away. So, too, is gay-owned
Oceano (oceanopr.com), a three-level
restaurant and bar with generous decks
perfect for sunset-gazing with your
special someone. For late-night clubgoers, the massive Circo Bar, where
you can dance until tomorrow, is the
spot to be.

PAMPERING
ELEGANCE
For 5-star opulence with what seems
like miles of marble interior, the Condado
Vanderbilt awaits (condadovanderbilt.
com), right next door to La Concha. It
offers a seriously seductive spa, and,
overlooking the ocean, what must be
one of the world's most gorgeous infinity
pools. A bar with attentive service is
nearby; later in the afternoon, a DJ starts
spinning to liven things up. Head to the
other side of the property for a nosh at
Tacos & Tequila, a restaurant far more
refined than its name suggests. It serves
everything from short-rib tacos to more
than nine varieties of Patron and Patron
Roca tequila. The most vibrant of all
the Caribbean cities, San Juan has it all:
beautiful beaches, stellar cuisine, and a
nightlife that never seems to stop. Should
you decide to elope there, just beware:
You and your paramour may never want
to return home.•

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Wyndham Grand Rio Mar Beach Resort & Spa
offers tropical brides a grand scale.
BY MERRYN

Calling all brides-to-be! If you want a
destination wedding without getting out
your passport, consider the Wyndham
Grand Rio Mar Beach Resort & Spa. "We
accept same-sex weddings and we have
done a few already," says Monique Perez,
event director. "When brides call and tell
me, 'By the way, it's a same-sex wedding'
my answer is: 'Love is Love!"' One of the
first weddings Perez coordinated for the
resort was a lesbian wedding, and she's
still in contact with the brides.
Wyndham Grand Rio Mar Resort & Spa
recently celebrated its 20th anniversary
and has established its presence as a
contemporary classic hotel on a grand
scale-500
acres and an enviable milelong stretch of pristine beachfront,
to be exact. After a 2014 multimilliondollar restoration, all rooms have been

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JOHNS

decorated in vibrant and hip decor
echoing the accents of San Juan's Old
Town, the oldest city in the U.S. and its
territories.
The resort has many amenities to enjoy
while you prepare for or recover from
your big day. Dine at a choice of seven
restaurants-I
loved hanging out with
the gang at the 5'0 Clock Somewhere
Bar & Grill: juicy jumping fresh fish tacos
and robust and tangy margaritas.
Spend a day at two world-class golf
courses and a premier tennis club.
The Greg Norman golf course boasts a
sophisticated Golf Clinic with charming
golf director who will guide novices on
how to swing correctly.
And when it comes to being pampered,
book a treatment at Mandara Spa. The
deep tissue massages are sublime and

will ease you into relax mode. Unwind
with your love in the adult section of
the gigantic signature pool and jacuzzi.
Cabana service is available. Stroll along
the beach, or venture further afield.
The hotel can assist you with tours
of colonial Old San Juan and its azure
ocean backdrop, or El Yunque nature
reserve with its beautiful biodiversity
and lush tropical vegetation. Hike to a
waterfall and plunge into its refreshing
pool, fringed by jungle. Reserve plenty
of energy for a bioluminescent bay kayak
tour at dusk. Paddle through mangroveframed waterways at twilight and into the
miraculous bay where you can trace your
hand through the silky water to produce
one of nature's rare light displays. It's
a magical and romantic experience.
In season, March to November, you

FEATURES/

can also witness the nesting ritual of
Leatherback,
Hawksbill, and Green
Sea Turtles on the hotel's very own
beachfront, and with the approval of the
Department of Natural Resources. The
Wyndham Grand Rio Mar is dedicated
to environmental
management
and
corporate social responsibility.
This is affordable, LGBTQ-friendly
luxury, close to home on the Island of
Enchantment. (wyndhamriomar.com) •

TRA

Brides-to-be

will blossom in the heart of New Mexico.
BY MERRYN

If you're
seeking
Southwestern
wedding chic, look no further than the
Hyatt Regency Tamaya Resort & Spa,
situated on 550 sacred acres in Santa
Ana Pueblo, New Mexico.
Fly into Albuquerque and transfer on a
25-minute drive through a stunning high
elevation landscape to Hyatt Tamaya's
sprawling luxury resort in the foothills
of the Sandia Mountains. Created in
collaboration with the Santa Ana Pueblo
Native American tribe to preserve and
present their indigenous
traditions,
there is room to move at this resort with
a difference.
Choose your accommodations from
350 pueblo-style guestrooms and suites
decorated
in classic contemporary
Southwestern style-many rooms enjoy
views onto the surrounding mountains,

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multi-hued mesas, fields and walking
trails. Enjoy the delightfully designed
common areas and the lodge-style
decor, beautiful pottery and artworks
on display. Relax by the open fireplaces
of the Rio Grande Lounge. Beyond
beckons the Tamaya Veranda where you
can relax with a drink-perhaps
a glass
of local Gruet sparkling wine-and take
in the sunset views. Come back for a
nightcap underneath the starlight!
Unwind at the award-winning Tamaya
Mist Spa & Salon by taking one of
their very special treatments; different
seasonal packages are available for
couples or singles focusing on hydration,
detox, and renewal, incorporating local
ingredients and methods-try the Prickly
Pear Toning Wrap or the Lavender Dry
Brush Therapy.

Feeling active? Take a horseback
ride through the foothills on one of the
gentle rescue horses from the Stables
at Tamaya; walk or cycle through the 5
miles of walking trails that surround the
property. This is a place where the land
and animals are respected and nurtured.
Cool off at one of three swimming pools
that sparkle under the expansive desert
sky. Peruse the arts, crafts, sundries
and souvenirs for sale at the Trading
Post and gallery. For a transcendental
experience, book a dawn flight in a
hot air balloon-a
quintessential New
Mexico experience, and the best way to
appreciate the unique landscape.
The New Mexico food boom is on
display at the resort's five outstanding
restaurants-Santa
Ana Cafe with its
Southwestern casual bistro meals is

FEATURES/

TRA

open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
But after sundown our pick is Corn
Maiden, a romantic restaurant offering
regionally-inspired dishes in an intimate
and ornate Southwestern ambience.
Tuck into Shrimp Bon-bon stuffed with
lobster mousseline, Duck Breast with
calabacita tamale and charred pico,
or rotisserie grill Strip Loin served with
a selection of locally-inspired
sides
such as green chile potatoes au gratin,
cactus chutney and grilled peach salsa.
Vegetarian options are available.
When it comes to weddings, Tamaya
offers you a grand and vibrant backdrop
for your ceremony. A union of epic
proportions is possible in the 29,000
square feet of indoor space (the
Tamaya ballroom is gorgeous!); or the
25,000 square feet of outdoor space,
including the majestic outdoor Sunrise
amphitheater with flagstone pathways
and views of the Rio Grande Bosque.
Let the sacred goddess of nature be
the witness to your commitment.
For something
more intimate, the
picturesque 8,000sq. ft. Cottonwoods
Gazebo and Pavilion framed by charming
cottonwood trees is a lovely choice. The
House of the Hummingbird is an outdoor
manicured garden space modeled on
the footprint of an adobe Pueblo. With
views of the Sandia Mountains and the
sacred Tuyuna Mesa, your event will be
infused with a special atmosphere. You
may even wish to add a fairytale touch
such as a horse-drawn carriage ride for
you and your bride. Personalized tasting
menus that incorporate your culinary
preferences with local influences and
ingredients are available. Imagine taking
your vows in a place imbued with such a
rich respect for culture and nature. For
menus, packages and inclusions call
(505) 867 1234.
Tamaya is a TAG-approved, genuinely
LGBTQ-friendly resort. The staff are
dedicated and sensitive to minority
identities and they will work with you to
ensure that your dream day is beyond
your wildest expectations. And should
you want to explore the area, day trips are
available for you and your guests. Santa
Fe, with its many galleries, restaurants,
and boutiques is only 45 minutes away.
(tamaya.regency.hyatt.com) •

Tamaya Mist Spa & Salon

Richmond isn't foolin' around. This
Virginia city of some 220,000-about
1.2
million in the metro area-has recently
embraced the LGBT community more
warmly than just about anyplace else in
the South. Already home to a crackerjack
Pride Fest (vapride.com)
held
in
September, when the weather has cooled
down and college students from schools
like Virginia Commonwealth University
are back in town, Richmond began
pushing hard for gay tourist dollars back
in 2014. That's when Richmond Region
Tourism and its community partners
debuted OutRVA (richmondisout.com),
an initiative designed to welcome LGBT
travelers with open arms into the former
capital of the Confederacy.
The OutRVA website is chock full of
helpful travel hints, as well as a detailed
calendar of events and even a gear
shop, but nifty marketing "don't mean a
thing" if the city it's selling "ain't got that
swing." Luckily, and without much fanfare,
Richmond appears to have become one of
the hippest 'hoods in the Mid-Atlantic. As
any resident will tell you, it's the third most
tattooed city in the country and home
to 100 murals; both statistics probably
have a lot to do with the presence of the
Institute for Contemporary Art at VCU.

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"It's the number one public art school
in the country," notes Bill Martin, director
of the Valentine (thevalentine.org), a
private museum dedicated to the history
of Richmond. "There's an artsy-hipster
thing happening here that's been going
on for about a decade. A lot of people
have moved downtown. Of course,
our Renaissance has been led by gay
pioneers taking risks, buying historic
properties and renovating them. And
the food scene in Richmond is on fire!
History is now a backdrop to art, food,
and outdoor activity."
Speaking of the Valentine, One
Love: LGBT Families is running at the
museum now through September 4.
Photographer Michael Simon's stunning
series of images of LGBT families in the
Richmond region features portraits of a
trans woman and her son, a polyamorous
family, a lesbian couple with their baby,
and many others. While you're at the
Valentine, take a peek at the Rainbow
Pride Flag, which the Federal Reserve
Bank of Richmond flew during Gay
Pride Month in 2011, creating quite
a controversy. There's also plenty of
glorious LGBT art to be found at the
Virginia Museum of Fine Arts (vmfa.
museum). The impressive collection

includes Art Nouveau sculptures of
lesbian dancer Loie Fuller and the work
of lesbian Abstract Expressionist Judith
Godwin.
Even more surprising than Richmond's
killer art scene is what it now has to offer
foodies. Chef Patrick Willis of the Jefferson
Hotel's
Lemaire
(lemairerestaurant.
com), who wows diners with his locally
sourced merging of southern and French
cuisine, says, "The top chefs in the city
are all friends. We support each other,
go to each other's restaurants. We don't
feel like we're competitors. I think that's
one reason the food scene here is so
amazing. There's also the mixing of
northern and southern influences, and
all the fresh produce and seafood."
Other culinary delights to be found
in Richmond include Peter Chang's

FEATURES/

(peterchangrestaurant.com),
the latest
eatery from the James Beard Awardnominated
chef,
and
L'Opossum
(lopossum.com), with its deeply funky
interior-including
more than two dozen
Statue of David figurines and (of course)
a stuffed opossum. The food also boasts
some fabulously flamboyant names: Hot
Black Bottom A La Mode, for instance,
a dessert "topped by a dominant rich
ganache and whipped cream." But make
no mistake, chef David Shannon serves
up such seriously wonderful fare that
the wait for a reservation can stretch to
weeks. No matter where you choose to
dine, afterward head on over to longtime
gayborhood
Carytown,
where
one
lesbian bar remains: Babe's (facebook.
com/babesofcarytown),
a multilevel
joint with a volleyball net, a dance floor,
and an anything-goes vibe.
Wondering where to lay your head
while you're in Richmond? The opulent
Jefferson
Hotel (jeffersonhotel.com),

TRA

built in 1895, is one of the South's
undisputed grand dames. Or for a
different vibe, take a room at the Quirk
Hotel
(destinationhotels.com/quirkhotel), an uber-cool, perfectly realized
new boutique property set within a
century-old Italian Renaissance building.
Both are centrally located downtown; the
Jefferson serves up regal goodies like
afternoon tea and a champagne brunch,
while the Quirk has its own gallery right
next door.
Whether you want to visit Richmond
during Virginia Pride in September, or
explore its myriad charms now-after all,
the weather's finally getting warm enough
to tackle the James River's big rapids with
Riverside Outfitters (riversideoutfitters.
net)-this is a city that's got a lot to love.
As one Peter Chang server says of it,
"Richmond is big enough you'll never
run into your enemies, but small enough
you'll always run into your friends."
(visitrichmondva.com) •

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--A~._.._~ Perched on the
ocean's edge
of the Hawaiian
island of Kauai is
Ko'a Kea Resort,
a honeymooner's
seaside dream.

Poipu, on the sunny southern shore
of Kauai, features several romanceworthy resorts, but we can personally
vouch for Ko'a Kea Hotel & Resort, a
breezily modern, 121-room boutique
property that was recently named the
#1 resort in Kauai by Travel + Leisure
magazine. Ko'a Kea does not express its
charm through plantation-style or Aloha
kitsch; rather, it offers seaside chic, with
each guestroom decorated in fresh,
contemporary colors and motifs. Most
rooms have balconies where you can sip
a beverage, soak up the sparkling views,
and contemplate your day's activities.
Plus, you're right on the water, with
just a few steps across the manicured
lawn and down onto the golden sand of
Poipu Beach and into sapphire-colored
water. The resort's on-site beach kiosk
provides you with all your water sports
equipment, or you can just bounce
in and out of the waves as we did and
enjoy watching the sun setting behind
Spouting Horn Park.
If you want to stay put during your
honeymoon or romantic escape, take
advantage of Ko'a Kea's saltwater pool,
and oceanfront spa cabana with its
local, indigenous-inspired
treatment
services. Dine at the excellent Red Salt

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restaurant where Executive Chef and
Kauai native Noelani Planas places the
emphasis proudly on fresh local seafood
presented with island flavors. Start with
ahi tartare with quail egg, avocado
mousse, ginger soy emulsion, and chili
oil but be sure to try the signature dish
of Madagascar vanilla bean-seared ahi
with forbidden black rice, avocadoginger salsa, mango vinaigrette. Red
Salt also serves breakfast with tropical
flair-lemon-pineapple
souffle pancakes
are the house specialty.
There's plenty to do locally, too. For a
full range of activities and options visit
the Poipu Beach Resort Association,
which serves local and tourists alike
(poipubeach.org). There's shopping in
the village, golf, and exploring nature
including the National Tropical Botanical
Garden, or hiking along the coast's clifftop trails.
Ko'a Kea Hotel & Resort is romantic
and LGBT-friendly, and we weren't the
only lesbian couple staying there! Take
advantage of the seasonal specials
such as the Summer R&R-Red Salt
and
relaxation-package,
which
includes credits for dining and spa for
three or more consecutive nights until
September. (meritagecollection.com)
•

LAST LOOK/

CROSSWO

Test your
lesbian knowledge
with our queer crossword.
BY MYLES MELLOR

ACROSS
1. She came out on her

4. show in 1997
She's the love of 1 across
7. You and me
10. She plays Alex in OITNB
11. It has many poses and
a mat
12. Loving wife of Lily
Tomlin: she wrote many
screenplays that her
lover starred in, first
name
13. Hon
14. Partner of wants
15. Sara Gilbert's love, first
name
18. Numerical suffix
20. You might order it at a
trattoria
21. "
of Love" movie
22. One of the locations of
"Million Dollar listing"
25. Love of 2 down, first
name
26. It comes before a vowel
27. "We're in this love
together" singer, Jarreau

28. Conquer, her heart for
example
31. Comedian in a Netflix
documentary named for
her
33. One with a golden touch
36. Keyword in the LGBT
community
37. "She's the
for me"
38. Barbara Jordan's love,
Nancy
40. Love of 41 across
41. Curb Your Enthusiasm
star, first name
44. She became famous in
Silence of the Lambs,
first name
46. Love of 44 across
48. Love of 1 down, first
name
49. Last name of one of the
ladies in the "Danali"
loving partnership

DOWN

2.
3.
4.

5.
6.
8.
9.
12.
13.
16.
17.

19.
22.
23.
24.
29.
30.
32.
34.

1. She starred in Juno in

2007, her breakthrough
role, first name

35.

Writer on OITNB, first
name
Gets warmer
Daughter of Bilitis
founder, first name
Cleaning cloth
Stylish
Love of Tig
Romantic meetings
"
t'aime"
Couple
_ sense, 2 words
_ de plume, writer's
pseudonym
Mad Hatter's drink
Caffe follower
Lover of 49 across, first
name
It might transport you to
the red carpet
Little girl, in Spanish
Indication
Neighbor of France, for
short
Love of 4 down, first
name
More seductive

39. A while back
41. Puts on
42. Still open, as door
43. Billie_ King
44. Sauce made from meat
juices
45. Water barrier
46. Large tree
47. Paternity evidence

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TLOOK!STARS

Summer's
LastSimmer
As Venus jiggles in Cancer and Mars roasts in Leo, the
heat is on. Do I smell a hot cha-cha time?
BY CHARLENE LICHTENSTEIN

EVAN RACHEL WOOD

was born on September 7,1987.

ARIES
(MARCH
21-APRIL
20)

LEO
(JULY
24-AUG
23)

SAGITTARIUS
(NOV
23-DEC
22)

Aries will discover several
romantic opportunities right
outside their front door if
they keep their eyes and
hearts open. You won't need
to travel far to feel like you're
exploring the world. Press
your lusty luck by planning
get-togethers with a bevy of
beauties and see which one
sparks your interest.

Lionesses have a few saucy
secrets up their sleeves. But
it will be difficult to keep
them under wraps. Will you
reveal more than you expect?
A little vulnerability can be
very sexy and alluring. Just as
long as you show just a little.
Too much and the delicious
mystery is gone.

Sagittarius is especially sexy
and alluring now. You are ship
shape for cruise season and
are randily ready for any babe
who washes up on your shore.
You may even want to search
for her a bit far afield. Seek
your adventure through the
rest of summer. There are still
some hot spots left for you to
fully explore. Yours or hers ...?

VIRGO
(AUG
24-SEPT
23)
TAURUS
(APRIL
21-MAY
21)
%
VIRGO
%

Speak the words of love and
someone special will hear
you. Taurus can advance her
domestic agenda as summer
rolls on. But take stock of a
longterm family issue that
needs a diplomatic touch. You
can finally rid yourself of any
future stressful interactions.
Will it be a meeting of the
minds or a mindful break?

(AUG
24-SEPT
23) %
%
Virgo is fussy and choosy %
%
in love. She will patiently %
wait for the right lovergrrl to %
%
unclog her fountainhead but, %
%
in the interest of experience %
%
and comparison shopping, %
will go through a slew of ill %
%
equipped plumbers in the %
%
meantime-and she doesn't %
%
mind letting them know %
when they fall short. %
% GEMINI
(MAY
22-JUNE
21)
%
% Think ostentatious displays
LIBRA
%
of money work like a babe
(SEPT
24-0CT
23) %
%
%
While sapphic Libra is ideally % magnet? Short-term,
looking and hoping for a life % perhaps. Long-term, no. Let
%
partner and not some quick % your ardent actions speak
%
flick and lick, she is prone to % louder and prouder than a
infidelity. The idea of growing %
% gaudy trinket. Of course, a
old alone is anathema to % bathtub full of champagne
%
her. However, because she % adds more to your moves
%
is incredibly idealistic in love, % than a date at Burger King.
many seemingly small things %
%
can scuttle the love boat and % CANCER
(JUNE
22-JULY
23)
%
set her mind wandering. % You are a superstar, Cancer,
%
% and that is why you should get
%
% out of your comfort zone and
% increase your social quotient.
%
% Your charisma hits a high note
%
..................................................% and your personal oil can be
%
spread over many interesting
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is theauthor %
%
of HerScopes:
AGuide
to Astrology% women. Who knows? It could
%
ForLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster) % even be profitable as your
%
nowavailable
asanebook. % ideas suddenly get backers
%
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes)
and investors.
~
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You may sense that girlfriends
are keeping something from
you and feel the need to
pry it out of them. But chew
on things before you bite,
Virgo. You may spoil their big
surprise! After all, it's coming
up on your birthday and it'll be
more fun to let events unfold
as bosom buddies see fit.

CAPRICORN
(DEC
23-JAN
20)
Take a good look at the
current state of your
relationships. Some could use
some TLC and others may be
too much trouble to be worth
it. Capricorns are practical
women. You know what you
need and who to get it from.
Those who stoke your passion
will win out.

LIBRA
(SEPT
24-OCT
23)
You will be able to make a big
splash at work, aided by some
powerful executive female
mentors who are there to
give you some needed sage
advice. So play your hand with
added expertise, Libra, and
see how far up the corporate
food chain you can climb.
Before you know it you will be
in the top executive tier.

SCORPIO
(OCT
24-NOV
22)
An exotic, sensual stranger
will make herself known
to you. Be prepared to get
out of your comfort zone
and expand your horizons.
You may surprise yourself,
Scorpio. While always
suspicious and strategic, you
may cast off your reservations
and take a risk on someone
totally unexpected and
daring.

AQUARIUS
(JAN
21-FEB
19)
Get in touch with your body
and see what it needs to
attain greater a higher level
of perfection ... if that is even
possible. From now to the
end of the summer, resolve
to become more healthy
in diet, drink and exercise.
Aqueerians who focus on
fitness will soon impress
their partners with their
rejuvenated outlooks.

PISCES
(FEB
20-MARCH
20)
You will have an active time
now as you see the need to
balance fun with work. Your
practical instinct is to apply
yourself on the job, tackling
various detailed tasks. But
your heart cries for fun, frolic,
sun and festivities. Try to find
time for both. All work and no
play make Guppies dull girls.

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AUG/SEP
2017
FEATURES

20

KNOW YOUR SHE-OLOGY
Are you taking care of your
sexual and physical health?

36

COLOR MY NUPTIALS
Go beyond white with this
vibrant boho-chic look.

38
BEST QUEER UNIONS
dapperQ presents the
most stylish weddings and
engagements of late.

~6
SPECIAL SECTION:
WEDDINGS
Ideas and experiences from
brides who know how to make
the most of your big day.

56

COUPLES WHO CAN
These women love, live and
work together.

60

MARY LAMBERT'S RETURN
The singer-songwriter's new
album delivers a message of
love and empowerment.

67

PUERTO RICO, PLEASE
Ditch the passport and travel
to paradise for your tropical
wedding or honeymoon.

76
RICHMOND'S REWARDS
The Virginia city welcomes
lesbian couples.

2

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

IN EVERYISSUE
4

EDITOR'S NOTE

6

CURVETTES

8

FEEDBACK

10

THE GAYDAR

80

STARS

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

TRENDS

REVIEWS

11 OUT IN FRONT
Meet the community leaders
who are doing us proud. By
Sheryl Kay

24 FILMS
A new film focuses on new
love in the Heartland. By Sanya
Franich

11 IN CASE YOU MISSED
IT ... LGBT news from across
the country.

26 MUSIC
Post-breakup with Megan
Rapinoe, Sera Cahoone
discusses her new album. By
Kelly McCartney

12 WOMEN WE LOVE
Each issue we pick a lucky lady
with a look and a life to match.
13 CURVE CONFIDENTIAL
What's new and noteworthy
with our favorite celesbians.
By Chloe Curran

VIEWS
16 POLITICS
Deep thoughts and heartfelt
convictions on a different topic
each issue from our contributing politics editor. By Victoria
A. Brownworth
18 ISSUES
Our in-depth look into a hot
button topic affecting queer
women worldwide.

28 BOOKS
Excellent reading, whether
it's celebrating a lifetime of
activism and travel or finding
true love and plannning your
wedding.
33 SEX
Are you at risk for HPV and oral
cancer? Find out how to protect yourself I By Dr. Elizabeth
Franzmann

LAST LOOK
79 CROSSWORD
Can you tame our Queer Quiz?
By Myles Mellor

AUG/SEP

2017

CURVE

3

Love-and
T~egislation-Is

AllYouNeed

I

t wasn't so long ago that many conservatives, Mike Pence
included, were proclaiming that "gay marriage" would
devalue all marriage, destroy the family unit, and cause the
downfall of society. In 2011, in an interview with the New York
Times, Donald Trump compared same-sex marriage to a golfing
trend. "It's weird. You see these great players with these really
long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore.
And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous
friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist."
A book I never hoped to see published or imagined having to
read is The Trump Survival Guide by Gene Stone, "dedicated to
the American ideal that our nation is governed by the majority
but never at the expense of the minority." LGBTQfolks are finding
themselves in a minority that is being nudged to the margins, if
not erased, by the current administration. While I want to believe
that "love is all you need," legislation does matter. I would not be
writing this without the Obergefell Supreme Court ruling that
made same-sex marriage a nationwide right. More than 100 anti-

4

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

LGBT bills have been introduced in 29 states in the five months
since Donald Trump took office. So far, a proposed roll-back of
same-sex marriage isn't one of those bills, and it would seem to
go against the beliefs of many, including American Millennials.
A 2015 Boston Globe survey found that 82 percent of Millennial
Democrats and 59 percent of Millennial Republicans supported
same-sex marriage. Those figures would probably be higher
today.
Marriage equality in the U.S. has seen LGBT couples increase
spending and formality on ceremonies. Acceptance has
also increased. According to a recent study by Community
Marketing & Insights, 60 percent of couples say their parents
were supportive of their marriage.
In May, soccer player Abby Wambach married her fiancee,
Christian blogger Glennon Doyle Melton and shared the news
on lnstagram with an image of Wambach in a sweatshirt with
the logo "Christian Mommy Blogger's Wife." It shouldn't matter if
you're queer or Christian or both-you should be able to marry
the love of your life. You should even be able to divorce the love
or your life, if things don't work out. Since we're accustomed to
experiencing ourselves as outlaws and our relationships as not
socially condoned or legally binding, you may want to consider
investing in a book like Before I Do: A Legal Guide to Marriage,
Gay and Otherwise by Elizabeth F. Schwartz.
This is our Love issue, and inside we celebrate many formal
expressions of love and commitment from diverse couples in
different locations. We also remind readers to safeguard their
health-sexual, psychological, and physical-which still needs
to be maintained even within a committed relationship. Love
isn't as random as Cupid's arrow. Getting it and keeping it need
to be worked at. Decades of activism and visibility gave us the
right to formalize our romantic unions-and vigilance will give
us the right keep it.

/JJ/7
MERRYNJOHNS
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

[email protected]
@Merryn1

W

DOWNLOAD
CURV
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or Android device

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RONTtCURVETTES

DR.SHERRYA. ROSS
Dr. Sherry A. Ross is an award-winning OB/GYN,
entrepreneur, women's health expert, and author of
the upcoming book, She-ology: The Definitive Guide to
Women's Intimate Health. Period., which launched in
April 2017. Her mission is to change the narrative on how
women talk about their intimate health and their overall
well-being, especially lesbians and bisexual women.
Read her advice on maintaining your sexual health on
page 20. Visit her at drsherry.com

curve
THE BEST-SELLING

AUG/SEP

LESBIAN

2017 » VOLUME

MAGAZINE

27 NUMBER

4

PUBLISHER Silke Bader
FOUNDINGPUBLISHER Frances Stevens

EDITORIAL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Merryn Johns
SENIORCOPY EDITOR Katherine Wright
CONTRIBUTINGEDITORS Marcie Bianco, Victoria A.
Brownworth, Lyndsey D'Arcangelo, Anita Dolce Vita,
Sheryl Kay, Gillian Kendall, Dave Steinfeld
EDITORIALASSISTANTSGemma Dart

OPERATIONS
DIRECTOROF OPERATIONS Jeannie Sotheran

PROOFING

CHLOE CURRAN
Chloe was a staff writer for lesbian website AfterEllen.
com for four years. Her writing has appeared in Jezebel,
Playboy, The Good Men Project, Offbeat Magazine, and
xoJane. She is currently an entertainment columnist for
CurveMag.com, covering celsbian gossip in her online
Curve Confidential column. Chloe wrote and directed
ADVOCATES,a satirical workplace comedy webseries
set in a LGBTQ Nonprofit. Follow #AdvocatesWebSeries.
Chloe lives in Los Angeles and you can follow her on
Twitter at @HowTrite

PROOFREADERMarcie Bianco

ADVERTISING
NATIONAL SALES Rivendell Media (908) 232-2021
EMAIL [email protected]

ART/PRODUCTION
ART DIRECTOR Bruno Cesar Guimaraes

SOCIAL MEDIA
MANAGERGemma Dart

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Melany Joy Beck, Roxy Bourdillon, Kelsy Chauvin, Chloe
Curran, Jane Czyzselska, Mallorie DeRiggi, Dar Dowling,
Kristin Flickinger, Jessica Halem, Sarah Hasu, Kim Hoffman,
Charlene Lichtenstein, Sassafras Lowrey, Kelly McCartney,
Myles Mellor, Bella Qvist, Laurie K. Schenden, Janelle
Sorenson, Yana Tallon-Hicks, Lisa Tedesco

CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
Steph Brusig, Erica Camille, Grace Chu, Meagan Cignoli,
Sara Lautman, Syd London, Maggie Parker, Diana Price, B.
Proud, Robin Roemer, Leslie Van Stelten

JILL GLEESON
Jill is a travel journalist and who lives and works in the
Appalachians of Central Pennsylvania. She has written
for Country Living, EDGE Media Network, Gothamist,
Washingtonian and Canadian Traveller. She writes a
bi-monthly column about travel and life for Woman's Day
online and is the travel editor of Faerie Magazine. This
year, she is upping the adventure by climbing Kilimanjaro
and Aconcagua, two of the world's Seven Summits. This
issue she writes about Richmond and Puerto Rico. Follow
her at gleesonreboots.com

KIRSTEN PALLADINO
Kirsten is an award-winning editor and writer, as well
as the author of of Equally Wed: The Ultimate Guide
to Planning Your LGBTQ+Wedding, which is featured
on page 46. She's the cofounder and editorial director
of equallywed.com, the world's leading digital LGBTQ
wedding magazine. Her work has appeared in The Knot,
Huffington Post, Out, The Advocate and Glamour. She
lives in Atlanta, Georgia. She was recognized as one of
Glamour magazine's Hometown Heroes for 2015. Follow
her on Twitter at @kirstenop

CONTACT INFO
Curve Magazine
PO Box 467
New York, NY 10034
PHONE (415) 871-0569
SUBSCRIPTIONINQUIRIES(800) 705-0070 (toll-free in US only)
ADVERTISINGEMAIL [email protected]
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Volume 27 Issue 4 Curve (ISSN 1087-867X) is published 6 times per
year (February/March, April/May, June/July, August/September,
October/ November/, December/January) by Avalon Media, LLC,
PO Box 467, New York NY 10034. Subscription price: $35/year, $45
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Returned checks will be assessed a $25 surcharge. Periodicals
postage paid at San Francisco, CA 94114 and at additional mailing
offices (USPS 0010-355). Contents of Curve Magazine may not
be reproduced in any manner, either whole or in part, without
written permission from the publisher. Publication of the name or
photograph of any persons or organizations appearing, advertising
or listing in Curve may not be taken as an indication of the sexual
orientation of that individual or group unless specifically stated.
Curve welcomes letters, queries, unsolicited manuscripts and
artwork. Include SASE for response. Lack of any representation
only signifies insufficient materials. Submissions cannot be
returned unless a self-addressed stamped envelope is included.
No responsibility is assumed for loss or damages. The contents
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Inquiries: Please write to Curve, Avalon Media LLC., PO Box 467 New
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curvemag.com
6

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

YOU WORK

HARD

ALL YEAR.

NOW

IT'S

TIME

TO GIVE

YOURSELF

THE BREAK

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MAKETHEMOSTOFYOUR
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DAYWEEKEND
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UP THE SUN AND

HOUR AT THE TROPICANA
The Tropicana
a place

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trees,

along

with

Relax on a luxurious
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Happy

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a stack

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in

house-

RONT /

FEEDBACK

GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS
Glad you previewed Different
For Girls from the UK. I'm a
fan of its honesty, naturalistic
acting and raw sexiness. No
one quite does drama like
us Brits. I recommend you
watch it while you're waiting
for the L Word remake.
Because, ahem-Rachel
Shelley and Guin Turner!
- Emily Upworth,
Brighton UK

BELOW THE BELT
Rad cover featuring Erika
Linder! I really loved this
film [Below Her Mouth] but
I got tired of snarky lesbians
online complaining about
the supposedly bad acting.
It's pretty a good film and
made totally by women.
How about we support our
own filmmakers instead of
nitpicking? You complain
about male-made films like
Blue Is the Warmest Color,
you complain about the
dead lesbian trope, and you
pirate download all the time.
Well here's a sexy lesbianmade movie where nobody
dies in the end, so what's
your beef? Yeah, lesbians eat
their own.
- Therese K., via email

COVER GIRL CRUSH
Oh my God. Those ice blue
eyes, those mischievous lips,
that was your hottest cover
ever. I want to know more
about Erika Linder. Who is
she dating and will she be
making any more movies? I
loved Below Her Mouth but
now I want morel Please give
us more of everything with
Erika Linder on topl
- Connie Wong, Singapore
THE POWER OF PROTEST
The article by Victoria
Brownworth made me weep
["From Pride to Protest,"
V.27#3]. I am a lifelong
lesbian activist with a
history of volunteering for
local causes. But it feels as
though all that activism,

all the getting angry and
coming out and standing
up and marching has been
for nothing. I am a cancer
survivor and my wife is on
disability, and she is also
a proud woman of color.
We are both strong women
but we are exhausted from
this struggle to free LGBT
peoples. I am tired. But
clearly we need to start
all over again because it
is not over yet. We must
persist. And so we will join
The Resistance and we will
remember all the women
who have come before us
such as Barbara Jordan. I
hope the younger ones join
hands with older women in
this fight. Happy Pridel
- Name withheld

WHAT
ISYOUR
IDEA
OFTHE
PERFECT
WEDDING?
9%

IN A CHURCH, SURROUNDED BY FRIENDSAND FAMILY.

65%

BAREFOOTON A BEACHSOMEWHERE.

24%

MAZEL TOV TO ME! l'M ALREADYHAPPILYMARRIED!

2%

l'M DIVORCED AND BACKON THE SCENE, BUT FEELINGGUN SHY.

WRITE
Curve magazine, PO Box 467, New York, NY 10034
US!Email: [email protected]
Send to:

8

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

Subscriber Services are now available at
curvemag.com/magazine
✓ subscribe
✓ pay your bill
✓ change address
✓ renew
✓ get missing issues
✓ give a gift

11 GIRL GAYDAR

13 CELESBIANGOSSIP

14 THEY SAID WHAT?

NEWS
GOSSIP
PROFILE
»

AUG/SEP

2017

CURVE

9

Gal Gadot sizzles as Wonder
Woman, wins scores of lesbian
fans

John McEnroe hits back at Margaret
Court, suggests a mass same-sex
wedding in Melbourne's Margaret Court
Arena
Naomi Watts has a
steamy lesbian kiss
in the new Netflix
psychological
thriller Gypsy. We're
still getting over
Mulholland Drive!

Chinese lesbian
dating app Rela
shuts down its five
million plus users and
disappears

~

A study from
the University
of Cyprus
claims that
lesbian desire
only exists
because men
find it a turnon? Um, that
would be porn

0
0

<(

Q

The explosion
of lesbian and
LGBT T-shirts
and tanks this
Pride. Make sure
you support the
most worthy!

§
~

es
~
~
~

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~

~
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co

~w
f--

2
0

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u

~

2?
';;:
i
X

~z
~
:r
<J)
s
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2
:::J

I

6
g

~

Beth Ditto dishes
to Vogue, describes
herself frankly and
fearlessly as a "fat
feminist lesbian"

Singer-songwriter LP
talks to Billboard about
her blatant gayness,
lesbian power icons
k.d., Melissa, Ellen,
and everyone on The
l Word

10

CURVE

AUG/SEP

Hollywood
star Diandra
Soares plays
lesbian in
web series
Love Life &
Screwups.
Her character
is in love with
a girl, but
under family
pressure is
engaged to a
man

Carmilla the lesbian vampire
movie based on the popular
web series begins shooting in
Toronto

2017

Ilene Chaiken tweets at L Word
cast members, hinting at an L
Word reboot. We hope and wish!

Stitchers Season 3
may introduce its first
lesbian couple, Camille
(Allison Scagliotti) and
Amanda (Anna Akana).
Here's hoping for a
Camanda storyline

~
u

6
f-

ct'.

~

2
3

~
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<(
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<i

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;'.2
~
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0

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TRENDS/NEV.VS

MELISSA
THOMPSON
>>Tampa,
Florida
ClinicalSocialWorker
By day, Melissa Thompson is a clinical social worker,
providing therapy to children who have experienced sexual abuse, domestic violence, violent crime, and other
traumatic events.
"If children don't get help, the aftermath of a trauma
can be quite debilitating;' she says. "And so that's my job,
helping them process what's happened to them, so they
can move forward and get back to being a kid."
But there's a whole other side to Thompson. The
morning after the Pulse shooting in Orlando, Fla., she and
her partner immediately started to locate friends who
were in that area for the weekend. It was the first time in
Thompson's life that she'd had to account for the whereabouts of the people she loves. It pushed her to seek
ways to make a difference, concerning gun control.
"The next day, I got on line, intent on finding the leading organization in the country that works to advocate for
stronger gun legislation, and that's when I found Moms
Demand Action, the grassroots arm of Everytown for Gun
Safety;' she says.
And although this caped crusader has no kids,
Thompson still reached out to the group with deep
conviction. Today, she's the legislative lead for the state
of Florida, helping volunteers from across the state advocate for stronger legislation, and she represents Moms
Demand Action to local, state, and federal officials.
Thompson says the work is more important today
than it's ever been. Every day, she notes, 93 Americans
are killed by gun violence. We are 25 times more likely to
be murdered with a gun than people in other developed
countries. Ask her which of her local projects is the most
important and she'll tell you,
"I can't choose just one." Twelve bills that would make
it easier for criminals not to be convicted for shooting
someone are now pending in Florida.Theseinclude legislation that would allow guns on school campuses, that
would punish business owners who prohibit people from
carrying concealed weapons on their property, and that
would expand Florida's Stand Your Ground law.
"They are all so horrifying that it's difficult to grasp,"
she says. "The good news is that Florida has thousands of
committed Moms Demand Action members who aren't
going to let these dangerous bills go through."
- By Sheryl Kay

THE
RAINBOW
FLAG,
AN
INTERNATIONAL
SYMBOL
OF
LGBTO
PRIDE,
has received the addition of black and brown stripes by Philadelphia-based organization More Color More Pride. The organization's website states: "In 1978, artist Gilbert Baker designed
the original rainbow flag. An iconic symbol of LGBTQ+ unity. So
much has happened since then. A lot of good, but there's more
we can do. Especially when it comes to recognizing people of
color in the LGBTQ+ community. To fuel this important conversation, we've expanded the colors of the flag to include black and
brown. It may seem like a small step. But together we can make
big strides toward a truly inclusive community." The flag was developed by the City of Philadelphia, Philadelphia's Office of LGBT
Affairs, and brand agency Tierney.

• ALESBIAN
COUPLE
ATTACKED
in the New York City subway
were traveling to Brooklyn on
the Q train when 27-year-old
Antoine Thomas beat one
of the women unconscious
after getting into an argument
with her over a seat. Thomas,
who screamed "faggot" and
dyke;' is said to have physically
accosted the women on
purpose.

• THE
49VICTIMS
OFTHE
PULSE
massacre aside, the National
Coalition of Anti-Violence
Programs has tracked a 17
percent increase in anti-LGBT
homicides from 2015 to 2016
in the US. The NCAVPreport
shows that LGBTpeople
of color continue to be the
target of homophobic and
transphobic violence.

• JANE
AUSTEN
MAY
HAVE
HAD
lesbian sex, according to
biographer Lucy Worsley.
Austen frequently slept with
a female friend and never
married. According to Worsley
in Jane Austen at Home: A

Biography, Austen received
one marriage proposal,
which she accepted before
changing her mind. She later
advised her niece "anything
is to be preferred or endured
rather than marrying without
affection:'

• AUSTRALIAN
TENNIS
HERO
Margaret Court has sparked
media outrage after criticizing
out lesbian tennis players and
suggesting the profession is
sullied by lesbians. Tennis icon
Martina Navratilova has hit
back at Court stating that the
arena named after her should
be renamed.

• GUATEMALft:S
FIRST
LESBIAN
Congresswoman Sandra
Moran is pushing for reform
to outlaw discrimination and
hate crimes, and implement
sexual diversity and civil
unions for Guatemalan LGBTs.
Moran, who was elected in
January 2016, has focused on
identifying and prosecuting
anti-LGBT crimes and hopes to
be re-elected in 2019.

AUG/SEP

2017

CURVE

11

ON
HER
RELATIONSHIP
TO
THE
LGBT
COMMUNITY.
In a word: involved. For a long time I wasn't
involved; even though I was in a relationship
with a woman, we were relatively isolatedthe odd ones out amongst our straight
friends. It wasn't until we separated that I
found my community and 'came out: I'm
very fortunate to have an incredibly strong
and supportive queer community in
London. They give me so much strength
love and support, I don't know what the hell
I did before I found them!

He's also opened my eyes to how
gendered we are as a society, like how
our behavior is prescribed to us by our
assigned genders, and that's one of the
ON
PLAYING
TRANSGENDER
AS
ACIS
QUEER
WOMANON
PLAYS
WITH
LESBIAN
AND
TRANS
CHARACTERS
INTHE
AWARD-WINNING
PLAY,
ROTTERDAM. FINALLY
MAKING
ITTO
THE
MAINSTREAM. challenges Adrian comes up against in
I identify as queer and I'm so proud
I think that there has been a surge
the play-he is at the beginning of his
to be part of a play that stands so
in female-led narratives. I mean, you
transition and gets misgendered all the
strongly in solidarity with the LGBTQI
can only watch men dominating the
time. In a similar way that sexism and
community. I know that the producers
conversation and saving the world so
misogyny undermines and marginalizes
women, being misgendered or denied
and creative team did audition many
many times. Other voices are finally
cis and trans actors through personal
starting to be heard and that includes
the right to self-identify is damaging and
women, but there is still a long way to
alienating to that person. Gender binaries
contacts and by working with Gendered
Intelligence, the trans-acting group.
go before that becomes the norm. I look
are oppressive and unrepresentative of
It's always important that castings
our global society. The assumption that
forward to seeing LGBTQIcharacters
give full opportunity to all actors. The
included in storylines where they don't
there are only two gender identities is
biggest challenge was finding someone
just perpetually play out their identitiesvery damaging. I think both the UK and
who could act out the chronological
they just simply exist and get on with it.
US have some serious catching up to do!
progression of the script. In the end, I
understand that the choice was based
ON
WHAT
PLAYING
TRANS
HAS
TAUGHT
HER.
ON
WHAT
SHE
MOST
ENJOYED
ABOUT
THE
NEW
YORK
OFF-BROADWAY
RUN.
Adrian is a brilliant character-this witty,
on who could best serve the character
scathing but decent guy who is on the
and represent Fiona/Adrian prePicklebacks in the bar after the show.
transition in the first act, and Adrian four
edge of an epic change. He's taught me a
lot along the way, especially about finding
months down the line in the second act.
Follow Anna Martine on Twitter
the courage to speak your truth.
@AnnaMartine
This is the first production of this play,

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but it would be great to see multiple
ways of casting it in the future.

TRENDstGOSSIP

CURVE
CONFIDENTIAL
Celesbians

behaving

badly ... and sometimes

well.

BY CHLOE CURRAN

• HALSEY EARNS BILLBOARD #1 ALBUM IN 2017
Halsey's second studio album, Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, has hit
number one on the Billboard charts, making her the first woman to
earn a #1 album in 2017. That's an incredible feat for a bisexual, bipolar,
biracial artist. And even more impressive: Halsey wrote and executive
produced every song on the album, setting her apart from other charttopping pop princesses.

• KRISTEN STEWART AND STELLA MAXWELL ARE TWINSIES
The urge to merge is real, ya'II. Prolific actor-director
Victoria's Secret "Secret Angel" supermodel Stella
their very best gazillion dollar leather jackets while
airport. Just look at that glowing skin. That's what
from Stella and Kristen: Glowing skin in an airport.

Kristen Stewart and
Maxwell showed off
holding hands in an
separates you and I

• FREJA IS ON THE COVER OF VOGUE CHINA
After reaching peak model status (think Vogue covers, international
fame, lavish wealth) several years ago, Freja Beha took a sojourn from
the spotlight to do whatever models do in their free time. Have sex with
anyone you desire? Find nirvana in Nepal? Acquire just the faintest hint
of a tummy, then immediately collapse in self-loathing? Whatever she
was up to, it has not diminished Freja's otherworldly beauty or palpable
cool, news of which has made it all the way to China.

• CYNTHIA NIXON WINS A TONY
If you think Cynthia Nixon will always be defined by her SATC character
Miranda, think again. Nixon just won a Tony! Her second Tony in 10
years. And not just any Tony. A BIG TONY. The Tony Award for Best
Performance By An Actress In A Featured Role In A Play for her work
in Lillian Hellman's The Little Foxes. Plus she shared the award with her
"god-sent wife" Christine Marinoni in her lovely acceptance speech.

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13

TRENDS/SHE SAID

"My mother is
not a lesbian! She's
just a really, really bad
heterosexua I."

-Carrie Fisher about Debbie
Reynolds, according to
RadarOnline

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16THE RISEOF RIGHTWING WOMEN

20SAFEGUARDINGSEXUALHEALTH

18 _
ADDRESSINGINTIMATE
PARTNERVIOLENCE

ADVICE
ISSUES......,,,.,
.._
POLITICS
»

•
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The Rise
oJRightWing
-wome11
What happens when we
must fight our own.
BY VICTORIA

A. BROWNWORTH

I was raised a Socialist. The proverbial
Red Diaper baby. I joined the Communist
Party for a brief time in college to prove
that I could step outside my parents' leftwing box and go even more left. I have
never considered voting Republican.
Voting for a Democrat has been the
furthest to the right that I could ever
move. I have never understood the lure
of the right: so male, so white, so anti
everything I believe in, so determined to
control me as a woman and a lesbian. I
have never had friends who were rightwing. Where would I meet such people?

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Why would I want to spend time with
them? The furthest to the center I'd ever
traveled was working for the National
Organization for Women in the 1980s and
thinking I might run for political office as,
gasp, a Democrat.
Those
were
heady
days-when
feminism
seemed
a
mainstream
possibility, and lesbians like Virginia
"Ginny" Apuzzo and Jean O'Learytwo former nuns who became lesbian
activists-might
propel
themselves
into the political mainstream. O'Leary
landed in Jimmy Carter's administration
and Apuzzo in Bill Clinton's. They were
path-breakers-out,
proud, left lesbians.
Tammy Baldwin followed in 1999-the
first out lesbian in Congress, now the first
out lesbian in the Senate. Kyrsten Sinema
became the first out bisexual in Congress
in 2012. Then came 2016.
That game-changing
political year
heralded "outsider" candidates, and the
wildly misused buzzword "populism"
reared its ugly proto-fascist
head.
Everyone was a populist: Bernie Sanders,
Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, Marine LePen,
Geert Wilders, Alice Weidel. The politics
of Brexit in the UK, led by the right-wing,
anti-immigrant UKIP and its leader, Nigel
Farage, was populist.

Populism-the politics of Adolf Hitler
on the right and Josef Stalin on the leftwas back from an 80-year absence.
Populism is a political
lure for
"ordinary" people who feel put-upon by
government. Populism targets a grouplike the white working class in America
and the UK-and asserts that they are
being oppressed by a privileged elite.
The fact that the populist politician is
inevitably himself or herself a member of
that so-called elite is always, inexplicably,
ignored. Thus, both Sanders and Trump
vowed to "break up the banks"-neither
of them explaining what that even meant.
In the New York Daily News interview
that is thought to have crushed his
candidacy, Sanders was unable to
articulate a definition of "breaking up
the banks," saying that he'd never really
thought about it. And Trump? How was
the billionaire ensconced in his goldplated tower an outsider populist?
When Geert Wilders and Marine LePen
were defeated in the Netherlands and
France, I was relieved. The twin disasters
of Brexit and Trump's ascendancy had, it
seemed, served as a warning signal to our
European allies. Angela Merkel, now the
leader of the Western world, seemed safe
in her position as chancellor of Germany

VIEWS/

and titular head of the EU. Or was she?
In June 2015, at the same time that
Trump was officially announcing his
candidacy, Alice Weidel was moving to
take over the populist Alternative for
Germany (AfD) Party. In two years' time,
she's done just that. Now, at the very
least, she's primed to challenge Merkel
by grabbing up seats in Parliament.
Weidel is as far right as LePen, but is
far less brash. Weidel is also a partnered
lesbian mother of two; has a PhD in
economics; has lived in China and
worked for Goldman Sachs; and seems
antithetical to the very concept of
populism. Merkel's pro-immigrant stance
has angered many in Germany, and a
series of terrorist attacks have further
tested the fealty of her supporters. Weidel
is only 38, and somehow balances her
citizen-of-the-world affect in real life with
her party's reactionary, anti-immigrant,
anti-Muslim, anti-Euro, anti-gay platform.
Does her open lesbianism soften her
hard-right politics in the eyes of critics
and fans alike? Does it make people think
that neither she nor the AfD could really
be that hardline? We've heard this with
Trump: He lives in New York City-how
could he be anti-gay?
Despite the defeat of Wilders and
LePen, both remain on the political stage,
and Weidel is just getting started. The
fact that these politicians are no longer
viewed as extremists but are accepted as
merely conservative is concerning. Farright populist politics has become-via
Trump in particular-normalized.
Weidel
has capitalized
on
her
lesbianism, telling the news media that
there is no conflict between her politics
and her day-to-day life, raising two
children with her lesbian partner.
Gay Trump spokespersons
Peter
Thiel and Scott Presler, as well as other
right-wing LGBT people, have made
disturbingly similar statements, and have
delineated a phalanx of our community
that embraces right-wing
populism.
What's confusing to those of us on the
left, or even in the center, where most of
the world's political reality resides, is that
populist candidates are often targeting
the very people who embrace them.
What's more, as The Resistance builds
in the U.S., a different realpolitik is
building, contrapuntal to it, both in the

U.S. and in Europe. Some women and
LGBT people are invested in these rightwing movements.
On
Twitter,
lesbians
with
the
#NeverHillary hashtag in their bios tout
their love for Trump and proclaim #MAGA.
"Deplorable Corgi Girl," a heavily tatted
butch lesbian Trump supporter, made a
YouTube video before the election calling
out Hillary Clinton's gay male campaign
manager, Robby Mook. Her complaint?
As Secretary of State, Clinton had met
with world leaders who were heads of
nations with anti-LGBT policies.
Like Trump has done.
While 78 percent of LGBT people
voted for Hillary Clinton, 14 percent
voted for Trump. In November 2016, NBC
News interviewed some of them. Anaise
Hernandez, a 19-year-old Florida college
student, cast her first vote in 2016-for
Trump. She'd had a course in Democratic
Socialism, she told NBC, and decided it
was not for her. After the Pulse massacre,
said Hernandez, "gun rights are gay
rights." New Jersey resident Kathleen
Griffin, 39, told NBC News that she didn't
trust Hillary Clinton on gay rights, citing
Congress's 1996 Defense of Marriage Act,
which Bill Clinton signed. Yet in 2011, at
the UN, Hillary Clinton was the world's
first major political figure to speak out
on global discrimination against LGBT
people. Mississippian Alyx Perna, 29,
was certain Trump would "continue to
support us"-even though his first action
as president was to delete the LGBT page
from the White House website.
Right-wing women are not new. Phyllis
Schlafly single-handedly
ended the
Equal Rights Amendment when it had 35
of the 38 votes necessary to become law.
Schlafly mobilized her own resistance of
conservative women and the amendment
never went any further. Ann Coulter is the
most virulently anti-feminist woman in
America and a staunch Trump supporter.
She provides right-wing arguments for
men to use against women. Camille
Paglia, who calls herself an academic
genius and libertarian, is an anti-lesbian
lesbian who male editors love to hire to
trash other women.
In her 1983 book Right-Wing Women,
feminist trailblazer Andrea Dworkin wrote
extensively about conservative women
and their complicity with the patriarchy.

POLITI

In March 2017, a Saturday Night Live
skit parodied an lvanka Trump perfume
called "Complicit." After the exit polling
was released in the days following the
2016 presidential election, it was revealed
that only 47 percent of white women
had voted for Clinton compared to 94
percent of black women. As Dworkin
wrote, decades earlier, white women
have always propped up the white male
supremacy from which they benefitted,
while black women were forced to think
about what was best for their familiesand white male supremacy was not it.
What do we do with members of our
own sex and our own community who
have embraced the beast? What do we
do with what Adrienne Rich and Audre
Lorde called the "anti-feminist woman,"
who is today a Trump supporter?
In the weeks before the election,
lesbian writer and activist Angela Davis
explained why she would be voting for
Hillary and how she was not so inured to
political realities that she could afford to
do anything else. She intended to hold
Hillary's feet to the fire, she explained, but
the thought of Trump in the White House
was too terrifying a prospect.
The Resistance has work to do, and
silencing the right is part of that work.
But what do we do with our Deplorable
Corgi Girl and our Anaise Hernandez?
What do we do with Alice Weidel, plotting
her takeover of Angela Merkel's moderate
government and humane immigration
policy, all the while using her lesbianism
as a political false flag?
The 2018 midterm election looms-a
chance for the left to win back the House
and attempt to tamp down Trump's power.
But what do we do when the enemies of
The Resistance are amongst us, within
our very own community? Internalized
misogyny is real, or 53 percent of white
women could never have voted for Trump
when 94 percent of black women did not.
Audre Lorde, intersectional before we
had a word for it, famously wrote, "The
master's tools will never dismantle the
master's house."
In the time of Trump, we must find new
tools. Then, how we reach out to those
on the other side of this widening divide,
how we stop the spread of fascism within
our own community, will be one of our
most complex quests. •

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RATES
OF
INTIMATE
PARTNER
VIOLENCE
FOR
LGBT
WOMEN
INCOMPARISON
TO
HETEROSEXUAL
WOMEN
In line with past studies, The National
Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence
Survey (NISVS) found that bisexual
women (61 percent) and lesbian women
(44 percent) are far more likely than
heterosexual women (35 percent) in the
United States to be physically assaulted,
raped, or stalked by an intimate partner
within their lifetimes. This pattern
extends to psychological intimate partner
violence (IPV), which is experienced in
the lifetimes of 76 percent of bisexual
women, 63 percent of lesbian women,
and 48 percent of heterosexual women.
Considerably less data is available on
transgender IPV, but studies generally
find
female-identified
transgender
people are also at an elevated risk of IPV
victimization. These are lifetime rates, so
it is important to keep in mind that the
majority of relationships sexual minority
and transgender women have are nonabusive. Unfortunately, it is similarly clear
that such women are at the greatest risk
of experiencing IPV at some point in their
lives. A series of prominent studies have
concluded that bisexual women are more
likely to experience IPV than women of
any other sexual orientation.

DAMAGING
MYTHS
SURROUNDING
LGBTO
WOMEN
ANDIPV

Despite the prevalence of LGBTQ Intimate Partner
Violence (IPV), there is a lack of public awareness of
the issue. Silence has rendered LGBTQ IPV invisible,
with fewer policies and services available to victims,
and little likelihood that victims will be taken seriously.
LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence: Lessons for
Policy, Practice, and Research is written for LGBTQ
IPV victims, survivors, their allies, LGBTQ community
organizations, mental and medical healthcare providers,
social workers, law enforcement agencies, IPV
organizations and shelters, researchers, and teachers.
The book is currently available from the University of
California Press and Amazon.com. We caught up with
author Adam M. Messinger to learn more.

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Imagine that your understanding of IPV is
based entirely on well-known facts about
abuse among heterosexual women: such
women are more likely to be victims
than perpetrators, and their abusers
are more likely to be male-identified,
hyper-masculine, and injury inducing.
Now imagine you are a sexual minority
woman in a same-gender relationship.
Extrapolating from what we know about
heterosexual women, you might logically
assume that: (a) as a sexual minority
you are less likely to be a victim; (b) as
a woman your partner is less likely to
become abusive with you; (c) your female
partner is less likely to become abusive
if she is not hyper-masculine; (d) if they
do become abusive, because they are
female, such abusers are less likely to
cause injury or other severe outcomes.
Despite being entirely logical at face
value, each of these assumptions has
been completely disproven by research.
Unfortunately, these assumptions are

VIEWS/

so widespread in society that they
serve to render female sexual minority
IPV invisible. Sexual minority female
victims and abusers report difficulties
in
recogn1z1ng abusive
behaviors
specifically
because of these false
assumptions. Research finds that family
members, friends, police officers, shelter
workers, and mental healthcare providers
also often take female sexual minority IPV
less seriously. While a similar problem has
been documented for sexual minority
men in abusive relationships, the issue is
of particular concern for sexual minority
women because of the stereotype that
women are inherently less aggressive
than men.

5ESSENTIAL
STEPS
FOR
VICTIMS
OF
IPV
• Recognize that you deserve better.
It is always a challenge to imagine ending
a relationship when you care about your
partner and fear there are few alternative
dating options, but know that you will
find a better relationship in the future,
one where you are fully respected and
loved. It can also be challenging to put a
name to "abuse" when it does not involve
the stereotypical black eye and bruises but if you feel something is wrong in the
relationship, trust that instinct. Partners
that try to repeatedly guilt you or control
who you see do NOT respect and trust
you. Partners that humiliate you, yell at
you, or threaten you do NOT respect and
trust you. Partners who sexually coerce,
shove, grab hair, burn, or throw objects
at you do NOT respect and trust you. No
matter what partners may say or who they
blame for their actions, no one deserves
to be abused, period.
• Make sure you get help.
While we always hope that the good
inside our partners will win out eventually,
research unfortunately
tells us that
abusers, even those who apologize and
temporarily stop abusing, typically do
not change their behavior in the long
run and may get more abusive as the
relationship continues. Leaving an abuser
is often a time of heightened danger for
victims, including risk of being murdered,
because abusers fear losing control and
risking that they may get caught. Staying
of course also can be very unsafe.
Therefore experts recommend
that,
whether you choose to stay or leave,

you should not do so without help. If you
can, find someone to speak with whom
you trust and is not friends with the
abuser, such as a family member or close
personal friend. Be sure to also reach out
for professional assistance, such as with
a local IPV organization. You should call
the National Domestic Violence Hotline
(1-800-799-7233),
who can talk you
through the next steps as well as connect
you with a range of free services (such as
accessing shelter, child care, counseling,
medical care, legal representation, and so
forth). You may also consider contacting
any of the dozens of North American
member locations of the National
Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (1212-714-1141),which provide services to
LGBTQ people who have become victims
of IPV or other forms of violence. If you
feel you are in imminent danger, call 911.
If your abuser owns or has ready access
to a firearm or gun, call 911.

If you feel there
is something
wrong in the
relationship/
trust that
instinct
• Cover your tracks.
Abusers commonly monitor who their
victims speak with, where they go, and
what they do. In some instances, they may
directly ask victims for this information,
but often times they acquire it secretly such as by looking at your phone call log,
text messages, social media posts, and
web browsing history. Seeking help with
IPV victimization can require using one or
more of these forms of communication,
like calling an IPV hotline, looking at
a website for IPV survivors, texting a
friend about the relationship, or posting
about the relationship on a social media
website. It is strongly advised that you
delete records of these communications
after you have completed them. In some
instances, abusers can install key-logging

ISS

software and apps on computers and
mobile devices without your knowledge,
which will send your abuser a list of your
actions on those devices even if you
erase related histories on the devices so you might consider making the most
sensitive communications (such as to an
IPV hotline) using a new pay-per-minute
cell phone your abuser does not know
about, a computer at a local library, and
other devices your abusers will not have
access to. If you are considering going
somewhere for safety or visiting a local
IPV organization, consider sharing your
new location only with those you have
already disclosed the victimization to and
trust to help you.
• Document everything.
Even if you prefer not to contact the
police or file for an order of protection,
you may decide to do so in the future,
particularly if the abuse continues or
escalates. It may become slightly easier
to get assistance from law enforcement
and the courts if you keep records
of behaviors by your partner that are
controlling or abusive in any way. This
can include keeping a journal of the
abusive behaviors, and keeping records
of any communications by your abuser
that contain evidence of abuse. Be
careful to store the journal or records
in a location not readily discoverable by
the abuser and in a location where the
abuser cannot easily delete the records.
Consider discussing all of these incidents
soon after they occur with someone you
trust, even if they were not present during
the incident, which may also become
important in future court proceedings.
• Make an emergency safety plan.
Having a plan ready to go can be
the difference between successfully
and unsuccessfully
reaching safety.
Emergency plans should include at
minimum the names, numbers, and
addresses of where you will go and the
route you will use to get there, credit
cards and money, key documents (such
as ID), medications, and clothing.•

Adam M. Messinger, PhD is Assistant
Professor of Justice Studies and Women's
& Gender Studies, Northeastern Illinois
University.

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th efl•lf

1,1

she-ology
TH!DEFINITIYE
GUIDE
10 IYDMEII
S
INTIMATE
HEALTH
PERIOD.

sexually transmitted infections (STls) in
between partners? Do you ever want to
get pregnant? Do you suffer from anxiety
and/or depression? How much alcohol do
you drink per week? Do you smoke? The
answers to these questions speak volumes
about the health-related behaviors and
habits that might put you at risk for certain
medical conditions. The more transparent
you are about your personal life and healthrelated behaviors, the better-equipped
your healthcare provider will be to give you
the care you need.

HOW
OFTEN
DO
LESBIANS
NEED
APAP
SMEAR?

J~ove
YourselJ;
lntimately
What you need to know
about your sexual health.
BY DR. SHERRY A. ROSS

It's never easy for a queer woman to
see her healthcare provider for an annual
gyno exam. Being an OB-GYN for the
past 24 years, I see this reluctance and
discomfort all the time. Being a lesbian
OB-GYN, I feel even more sensitive to this
problem and hopeful that I can change the
minds of lesbians who have had traumatic
gyno experiences and are not getting the
healthcare they need. Let's be honest: The
majority of doctors are not sensitive to the
issues surrounding the LGBTQcommunity.
Lesbian and bisexual women feel
afraid and apprehensive about getting

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healthcare. Reasons include confidentiality
and
disclosure
issues,
uncertainty
about their healthcare needs and risks,
limited access to healthcare and health
insurance, and discriminatory attitudes
and treatment from healthcare providers.
Know your rights. All healthcare providers
must provide the same complete medical
care to all their patients, including lesbian,
bisexual, and transgender women.
When you're having your medical and
sexual history taken, your healthcare
provider may overlook asking you about
your sexual orientation. A "yes" to the
question "Are you sexually active?" needs
to be followed up with "Are you sexually
active with men, women, or both?" A
lesbian may not offer the information
unless she is asked directly, and if there's
no exchange of this vital information, there
is no real communication between patient
and healthcare provider. If you cannot
discuss your sexual orientation with your
healthcare provider, the purpose of your
medical visit is less meaningful. Your
sexual orientation helps guide healthcare
providers on what questions to ask. Do
you currently have a sexual partner?
Are you monogamous? Do you practice
safe sex? Are you getting screened for

Lesbian patients and gynecologists
alike are not clear as to when Pap smear
screenings ought to begin and how often
they need to be done. Perhaps you think
that since lesbians aren't having sex with
men, they don't need Pap smears. Right?
Wrong. This is a complete misconception.
Lesbians do need to have routine Pap
smears, along with regular gynecological
visits. Women should begin Pap smear
testing at age 21. Women between 21 and
28 should have a Pap smear every three
years. Women between 30 and 65 should
have a Pap smear and an HPV test every
five years. It is also acceptable to have
a Pap smear alone every three years.
For women 65 and older, no screening
is recommended
if adequate prior
screenings have been negative and a high
risk is not present. I bet you didn't know
you can ask for the "small" speculum when
you get a Pap smear. This will make your
pelvic exam more comfortable and might
make your next Pap smear more tolerable.

WHAT
ABOUT
HPVAND
LESBIANS?
Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the most
common sexually transmitted infection,
affecting 80 percent of women and men.
There is limited information on the exact
risk of transmission and throat cancer in
lesbians, so protection and prevention are
key. Lesbians and healthcare providers
alike are blinded by misconceptions
about how lesbians can contract HPV and
whether or not they need the vaccine.
HPVcan be transmitted between lesbian
and bisexual women through direct genital
skin-to-skin contact, mucosa contact,
vaginal fluids, menstrual blood, and
shared sex toys. Lesbians who have had
sexual contact with men are also at risk for

HPV.Getting annual Pap smear testing can
detect HPV, making yearly visits to your
healthcare provider important.
It may not be sexy, but using a dental
dam to decrease the risk of transmission
of HPV is essential. The HPV vaccine has a
very safe track record and is recommended
for lesbian and bisexual women, ideally
between the ages of 12 and 26. Gardassil
9, the most recent and effective HPV
vaccine, can prevent 90 percent of the
high-risk types of HPV known to cause
cervical cancer. It was found that lesbians
are much less likely to be aware of the risk
of HPV transmission between them and
their partners, and less aware that the
HPV vaccine is available. It was found that
8.5 percent of lesbians between the ages
of 15 and 25 received the HPV vaccine,
compared to 28 percent of heterosexual
and 33 percent of bisexual women. I
would encourage lesbians to get the HPV
vaccine to reduce your risk of cervical
cancer. You must make the prevention of
and education about HPV a top health-risk
priority.

lesbian and straight women," but research
shows that lesbians are more likely to
engage in some social behaviors that have
negative health consequences: Tobacco
use; alcohol and drug use; less use of oral
contraception. Lesbians are also more
likely to be at risk for certain diseases:
Type 2 adult-onset diabetes; lung cancer;
cardiac disease and heart attacks; obesity.
Compared to heterosexual women,
lesbians are at a greater risk of having a
heart attack, breast cancer, and ovarian
cancer.

ARE
THERE
CURRENT
MAMMOGRAM
GUIDELINES?

Women should definitely be examining
their breasts monthly, and should see
their physicians yearly for a routine
exam. Reputable medical groups such
as the Mayo Clinic, the American Cancer
Society, and the American College of
Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG)
may recommend that you start having
yearly mammograms when you are 40
or 45, depending on your risk factors.
Doctors and patients need to continue
ongoing conversations about the risks
WHAT
ABOUT
SEXUALLY
TRANSMITTED
INFECTIONS?
and benefits of mammogram screening,
assessing your own personal risk of breast
There seems to be confusion about
what STls lesbians are at risk for. STls can
cancer, your routine use of self-exams,
be transmitted through direct genital
and the possibility of false-positive results
skin-to-skin contact, mucosa, vaginal
and unnecessary treatment. Based on
fluids, menstrual blood, and shared sex
my experience, I believe mammograms
toys. The most common STls are bacterial
can help save lives. In addition, lifestyle
vaginosis
(BV), chlamydia,
herpes,
and dietary choices can help protect you
human papillomavirus (HPV) , pubic lice,
against breast cancer. Avoiding obesity,
trichomoniasis, gonorrhea, herpes simplex
engaging in healthy living, and a wellvirus (HSV), hepatitis, HIV, and syphilis.
balanced diet with reduced high-fat dairy
One study involving 6,000 lesbians
and alcohol consumption are other ways
found that 77 percent have had sex with
of reducing your risk for breast cancer.
men in the past and 70 percent report a
Lesbians must find and establish an
lifetime history of vaginal intercourse. If
honest relationship with a healthcare
you were exposed to HPV, HSV, and HIV
provider to avoid potential medical
when you were sexually active with a male
complications.
"I don't compromise
partner, you can easily pass them along to
on making my health a priority," says
your female partner. So in order to avoid
my longterm patient, Leisha Hailey.
STls you will need to use a dental dam with
"Regardless of your sexual orientation it's
oral sex; also, you should not share sex
so important to find a gynecologist who
toys, and you should avoid having sexual
cares about your health and wellness. Your
contact during your period. And don't
health involves a meaningful relationship
forget, it's essential to get STI testing in
between you, your body and your doctor.
between new partners.
You have to make your health a priority
tool"•

PROVINCET

DO
LESBIANS
REALLY
HAVE
SOME
HIGHER
RISKS?
The American Congress of Obstetricians
and Gynecologists states there are "no
known physiologic differences between

She-ology: The Definitive Guide to
Women's Intimate Health. Period. is out
now and includes a chapter "Rainbow \I."

rouxprovincetow
The
Artofstaying

How to get your relationship out of the past and
consciously create a relationship that is in the present.
BY SUE ANNE MORGAN

Each of us is the sum total of our
steps to this point. And some of those
steps have been on broken glass. Since
time travel is still a theory, and you have
absolutely no capability to change
those steps, and since the next steps
are neither guaranteed nor set in stone,
there is a tiny sliver of "right now" that is
truly yours to do with as you wish.
I used to say that my first girlfriend
ruined me for all the rest. I gave myself
the excuse to not be present in my
subsequent relationships by blaming
her for my mistrust of others. Seven
relationships later, and now happily
engaged, I realize how I cheated
myself and those others by measuring
everything against events that were
decades old. Would I choose to drink
water out of a dirty glass? Then, why
would I choose to experience life from
a perspective marred by the past. We
don't have eyes in the back of our head
for a reason.
Whether it's a first date or your
20th anniversary, if she's worthy of
your time and attention, she is worthy
of your presence. And, if you love

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her, your presence should be a given.
Betrayal in a previous relationship will
set you up to be out of the moment in
a current relationship. Your heart has
been broken by infidelity or disloyalty or
even abuse. You have been betrayed by
someone you trusted. So, you frame your
interactions in your current relationship
through the eyes of mistrust. Emotional
pain in our past can lay a minefield in our
present, which creates emotional pain
for others in an endless cycle.
If you hear yourself repeating things
you have said in previous relationships
or you recognize a feeling that seems
tied to a former girlfriend, then you are
likely not fully present. If your desire
to hurt the woman you claim to love
outweighs your desire to communicate
effectively and connect, you aren't being
present. Like an old script that you keep
in your back pocket, you refer to old
words, feelings and actions when you
are triggered by your past.
If you have the thought that you are
not present, you have to act on that
thought immediately. Take a few slow,
deep breaths. Touch your nose with your

index finger. Rub your hands together.
Blink really fast. Tap your forehead. Drink
a glass of water. Spin around in a
circle. Do absolutely anything that
works for you to re-set your brain to the
moment. Sensory stimulation combined
with deep breathing keeps your attention
front and center. Once you have brought
yourself back to the present, you give
yourself and your partner a clean slate to
address the issue at hand.
You are a human being on Planet
Earth in 2017. It is almost impossible
to stay completely
present at all
times. However, if drinking from a clean
glass or gifting your presence to your
love is important to you, you will find a
way to do the daily work of focusing your
energy and attention on the present. In
addition to practicing that objective,
non-judgmental
observation
of self,
meditation, therapy, physical exercise,
balanced nutrition and adequate rest all
play a role in maintaining presence.
If she is important to you, you will work
diligently to give her the most present
version of yourself. And the bonus is, you
get the gift of your presence, too. •

26 SERACAHOONE SINGS IT

28FEASTOF SUMMERREADING

33THE DARKSIDEOF KISSING

>>
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MATTERS
OF
THE
HEART
Heartland, directed by Maura Anderson,
is a must-watch film for your girl gaydar.
BY SANYA FRANICH

Lauren (Velinda Godfrey) is grieving.
She has spent her days over the past
months at her dying girlfriend's side,
caring for Nicole and talking to her
even when she is too sick to respond.
After Nicole's death, Lauren returns
home to find the locks changed and an
eviction notice stuck to the door. Her
savings drained while caring for Nicole,
Lauren now finds herself heartbroken
and alone with nowhere to live. So
she packs her meagre belongings into

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a small backpack, and moves back in
with her well-meaning mother, Crystal
(Beth Grant).
As an artist and a lesbian, Lauren is
a huge disappointment
to Crystal, as
she longs for Lauren to conform to her
conservative values. She refuses to acknowledge Lauren's relationship with
Nicole, yet is delighted to welcome
Lauren's brother Justin (Aaron Leddick)
back home, in town with his big-city
girlfriend Cassie (Laura Spencer) to set

REVIEWS/

up a vineyard. The endless questions
from all and sundry in town of when
Justin and Cassie will marry, while offering no condolences for Lauren's loss,
is particularly poignant.
As Cassie begins to loosen up, and
Lauren's haze of grief starts to lift in her
presence, the undeniable attraction the
two share draws them closer and closer
together. When Justin is called back to
the city for work, and the pair are sheltering from an approaching tornado,
let's just say the scene that follows replicates the storm outside! The chemistry between the two lead actresses is
captivating, but while Lauren is falling
in love, Cassie determines it must never
happen again.
Their secret escapes and havoc ensues, with all members of the family
dealing with the fallout in different
ways. The characters must now find
their ways back together, to find a way
to forgive and love one another again.
Justin must forgive Lauren and Cassie,
Crystal must stop blaming Lauren for
what happened, Lauren must find some
middle ground with Crystal, and Lauren
and Cassie must forgive and stop blaming themselves.
The complex battles being played
out reflect a group of people for whom
the brief affair has had a profound impact, and one that demonstrates the
angst and pain that can occur when
there's a clash of values, and those you
love most inflict betrayal.
Heartland, directed by Maura Anderson, is ostensibly a "grieving lesbian
falls for, and has a fling with, a straight
girl" story, but writers Velinda Godfrey
and Todd Waring have crafted a warm
and moving story about family, small
town attitudes and being queer in an
Oklahoma God-fearing Christian community, where being gay is tolerated
so long as you don't talk about it, and
your dead girlfriend is only ever called
your "friend." By film's end, both Lauren
and Cassie have found their pathsthe ones that will begin their journeys
to help them find out who they really
are. The denouement is open-ended,
some relationships are healed, some
are not-and this is what real life is all
about.

Velinda Godfrey, writer and star of
the film, is a lesbian who grew up in
Oklahoma. It was her wish to tell a story
that reflected life in a place not usually
LGBTQ-accepting, but to tell it without
making that the focus. She and Waring,
together with director Johnston, wanted a film about regular people living
their lives, without using the main character's sexuality as a driving plot point.
Lauren's a lesbian, but it's not the main

:::0

Fl

point of the film-she just is. The characters themselves drive the narrativetheir wounds, their flaws, their desires,
and their "humanness."
While this might not be the best film
you ever see, the team worked hard to
bring it to life with lndiegogo crowdfunding helping it along to the final
product, and it will be a film that will
touch you and make you smile. Definitely one for your watch list.•

MEET
THE
NEW
JANE
TENNISON

I I I

<
I I

I

~

C/)

What was the young Jane Tennison like? Helen Mirren created
the role that has become a lesbian favorite and police procedural
small screen classic. Now, Stefanie Martini steps into Mirren's shoes
in Prime Suspect: Tennison, available on DVD and Blu-ray from PBS
Distribution. Behind every great hero is an origin story. Flashback to
the circumstances that turned a 22-year-old rookie policewoman into
a hardboiled, crime-fighting female Detective Chief Inspector. This
prequel is set in 1973, and finds Tennison relegated to traffic incidents
and other routine police chores-until she gets her 'big break'. A
young girl is murdered and it's all hands on deck. Tennison is drawn
into the brutal culture of the police force and the criminal underworld.
Prime Suspect: Tennison is based on the bestselling novel Tennison
by Lynda La Plante. La Plante was awarded the Edgar Allan Poe Award
by the Mystery Writers of America for her novel Prime Suspect. The
360-minute prequel is brought to you by Masterpiece, known for toprated and iconic shows such as Upstairs Downstairs, Downton Abbey,
and, of course, the original Prime Suspect. (pbs.org)

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:················································
..................................................................................................................................................

REVIEWS/

MU

It's not a breakup album, but Sera Cahoone's new album
still delivers heartache and self-discovery.
BY KELLY MCCARTNEY

As evidenced

by her new album,

From Where I Started, singer-songwrit-

er Sera Cahoone is intent upon carving out a place for herself in the world.
She grew up in Littleton, Colo., playing
drums in high school, before skipping
out to Seattle when she was 21. There,
she immersed herself in the artist's lifeworking at a snowboard shop and a coffeehouse while finding her footing in the
music scene. A stint in the indie rock
band Carissa's Wierd led to a run with
Band of Horses, which led to a deal with
Sub Pop Records, who released her first
three solo albums: Sera Cahoone (2006),
Only As the Day Is Long (2007), and Dear
Creek Canyon (2012).
While those efforts garnered critical
acclaim and landed high-profile tours,
Cahoone admits that she didn't really
know what she was doing or where she
was going with all of it. "I was just like,
'Cool. Sub Pop wants to put out my record!' And they were great. They are
some of my best friends," she says. "But
I think sometimes they weren't totally
sure what to do with me. And I didn't
know what the hell to do with me."
Now, though, the vision is starting to
come into sharper focus. From Where I
Started finds Cahoone in complete artistic control. "This record, I didn't want
anybody to touch it. I wanted it to be
different, and I think that's mainly just
instrumentation-wise
and bringing in
some different elements," she says, then
adds with a laugh, "and I wanted to play
all the drums."
It's an Americana album through and
through, anchored by Cahoone's inventive drum grooves and augmented by
tasteful traditional touches like banjo
and fiddle. But her stellar songwriting
is the beating heart of the record. Tales

of love, loss, self-doubt, and sacrifice fill
the set as she lays out both her vulnerabilities and her victories for all the world
to hear.
And she has certainly had a lot to write
about over the past few years, including
a very public engagement to soccer star
Megan Rapinoe in August of 2015, followed by a much more private breakup
in September of 2016. No doubt, bits
of that three-year relationship find their
way into various tunes on From Where I
Started, though the split happened after
the record was finished, so fans wanting
"the breakup album" will have to wait for
the next release.
But don't expect any lurid personal details. Cahoone is-to the extent that any
songwriter can be-a private person, filtering her experiences through the lens
of a persona: someone just trying to get
through life in one piece. On the album's
first track, "Always Turn Around," she addresses the anxiety that led her to music in the first place, an anxiety that has
lessened over the years as she's learned
to stare it down. "I got so tired of being
nervous that I finally turned around," she
sings in the first chorus, flipping it to "I'm
so tired of being nervous, but I always
turn around" in the second as a sign of
her burgeoning self-confidence.
Both "Better Woman" and "Tables
Turned" find Cahoone addressing her
own reckonings and resilience as she
strives to offer the best in herself to the
world and to her lover. Further in, "Up
to Me" puts hopeful detachment front
and center, while "House Our Own"
sketches the romantic dream top to
bottom. But it's a personal tragedythe murder of Cahoone's 21-year-old
cousin, Tawnee Baird, by her lesbian
lover-that produces perhaps the most

poignant statement, through the song
"Ladybug."
"I was having a hard time with that
one," Cahoone confides. "First of all, it's
just something I needed to write, and it
just came out, a lot of it. Putting it on
the record, I didn't know if that was the
right thing to do. My aunt, who is Tawnee's grandma, we had a lot of conversations about things Tawnee did and
loved. They just made it right into the
song. And the facts of everything ... I
tried not to go into too much, because
it's completely awful. She was getting
her shit together. She was starting to
try and leave and get her life together.
That's the worst, saddest part."
Cahoone's greatest hope for that
song is that it will help train a spotlight
on a tough and terrible subject: domestic violence. "I just hope that I can help
someone, in any way, who's in a bad situation," she says. "Domestic violence,
especially in the queer community, I'm
just trying to bring awareness to it. If I
can touch someone, in any way, that's
what it's about."
With all she's experienced over the
past few years, including the death
of one of her best friends in January
of 2017, Sera Cahoone has learned
that sometimes the only way around
is through, and the best way forward
is back. "All these things I used to get
so wrapped up about in my head, with
'I can't do this' or 'I shouldn't do that,'
it just seems so meaningless now," she
says.
And that's what makes From Where
I Started so resonant and relevant: It
documents the journey of someone
just walking through the world the best
way she knows how, one honest, heartfelt step at a time.•

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It was the era of AIDS, ACT UP,and the Lesbian Avengers. AnneChristine d'Adesky captures these impactful times in her memoir,
The Pox Lover, a compendium of her 1990s diaries. D'Adesky recalls
the loves, lives, struggles and suffering in the shocking early years of
Al DS, from protests to dance parties, dyke marches to dirges. Here,
she discusses the book's context and its relevance today.

WHAT
DID
THE
WORD
'LESBIAN'
MEAN
TO
YOUR
WHAT
CONTRIBUTION
DID
LESBIAN
ACTIVISTS
MAKE
TO
GAY
RIGHTS
MOVEMENT
AND
FIGHTING
AIDS?
GENERATION
AND
HOW
DO
YOU
RELATE
TO
TODAY'S THE
Lesbians got close to gay men and
QUEER
MOVEMENT?

BOOKS»

The Pox Lover very much reflects my
own engagement with gay men and the
broader AIDS activism subculture that developed in the 1990s. The AIDS movement
brought lesbians in close, compassionate
working contact with gay men; and trans
AIDS activists, like intersex activists, also
began gaining a voice during that time.
The word 'queer' reflects an unapologetic cultural stance, reclaiming a word long
used as a slur. That very much happened
as a result of the ongoing lesbian-feminist
and gay movement, but also from the direct action protests of ACT UP that led to
Queer Nation, and to other in-your-face
groups like Fierce Pussy,a lesbian arts collective some friends created in the '90s
to celebrate with graphic wit the emerging pro-sex, take-no-prisoners lesbian
sensibility that women were expressing.
The '90s was the decade of the Clit Club
in New York, of lesbian strippers and sex
workers coming out more publicly in their
health and AIDS advocacy, and in their
solidarity with gay men and transwomen
whose sexuality was being criminalized in
the AIDS culture wars.
For me, the word I worked to reclaim
was 'dyke.' That was the word a lot of lesbians still felt uncomfortable using; still
carried the stereotype of the angry, humorless lesbian. I found myself drawn
to 'dyke' because it required me to really
embrace a social outsider identity-and
reframe it for our own LGBTQmovementfor younger generation women. I find that
'butch' and 'dyke' are words that are disappearing, while 'lesbian' is still used broadly
and often interchangeably by my generation of peers .... But I think for individuals,
it's great to allow self-identification and to
be aware that everyone comes into this
journey into their sexuality and into a gender movement at different stages.

LESBIAN
LOVE
AND
ACTIVISM
Pioneering American
journalist Anne-Christine
d'Adesky looks back on
turbulent times.

ANNE-CHRISTINE
D'ADESKY

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transfolks because of the common enemy
of homophobia that was so rampant as the
underbelly of the government response to
a then-new disease, AIDS. Lesbians were
and remain at the very forefront of the
AIDS battle, and at every level, and to a
remarkable, still unappreciated degree:
as frontline activists, strategists, policy
makers, program directors, service providers, and caregivers. But also as feminists and as women who brought a deep,
historic understanding of the body and
the fight for reproductive rights to gay
men, who brought an awareness of class
and race and male privilege and white
supremacy to the ACT UP and other AIDS
and LGBTQ movement debates. Lesbians and cis-women in ACT UP, and trans
women fought hard with public officials
but also their own gay male colleagues
to demand, as feminists, attention to the
needs of lesbians around HIV/AIDS; to
women drug users; to sex workers. It was
women and lesbians-who have always
worked intersectionally-who
made the
connections, demanded the outreach,
connected across social justice movements with immigrant, labor, gender,
prison, anti-racist groups. The global AIDS
movement succeeded-often after bitter
debate-because activists worked to find
common cause, to focus on the needs of
the most vulnerable in communities, and
that is very much a legacy of queer women who are front-and-center feminists,
too. I would add that lesbian activism I
participated in still remained very white;
ACT UP was a very white, very urban activist coalition. The Lesbian Avengers, a
group I co-founded with four friends, also
went through hard debates around race
and class. These issues remain very critical now, as I look to the frontline battles
we face, around immigration, refugees,

REVIEWS/

the health care agenda and the displacement of queers in gentrifying cities as our
lives become even more global and influenced by technology.

inner woman or sense of femininity or
whatever they associate with those labels .... Some of the lesbians I know who
grappled with embracing transwomen
as 100 percent women were women
SOME
VIEW
LESBIAN
IDENTITY
ASEXCLUSIONARY
AND who are incredibly sensitized to male viNON-INTERSECTIONAL.
WHAT
ISYOUR
VIEW?
olence, and specifically male sexual vioI can understand why a millennial
lence. They associate a penis with rape,
queer activist would critically question
a la Andrea Dworkin who really made that
why a lesbian would exclude a trans or
theoretical argument. There are a lot of
intersex individual under the gender
women and lesbians who are survivors
identity umbrella of women. How can a
of sexual violence, and all women suffer
lesbian not feel a deep, natural solidarity
from this in a general sense in every soand alliance with another who is pushciety. But to equate a transwoman with
ing at the narrow confines of gender, of
a would-be rapist, which I feel some do,
the social roles ascribed to the binary
deep down, is to reveal the deepest place
notions of male and female? It's a really
of these received physical fears of assault
legitimate question. It's also such a prothat women have for men in general. That
found irony, since it's old-school lesbians
shit has got to go. Yes men rape, and rape
who fought to define what we all know
is the embodiment of ultimate male powis a social construction of the notion of
er. But lesbians who feel this totally miss
the feminine and masculine. It's almost
the complex view of the penis that trans
odd to find lesbians, who profoundly emindividuals may have, just as they fail to
brace their sexuality, to grasp biological
understand why breasts are so oppresessentialism now to frame that identity
sive to a coming-out transman. Again,
and limit what is a woman. The rejection
there's this very dangerous conflation
of others who self-identify as women and
and reductivist thinking and at the core of
want to be in the company of women is this response is fear. The fear of rape by a
fundamentally anti-feminist to me. You'd
man is legitimate. It's also true that tranalso think lesbians, like old school femiswomen are major victims and survivors
nists, would embrace anyone who rejects
of male rape, and they often feel negative
the patriarchy and male privilege, which
and complex feelings about their sexual
many transwomen do as they claim their
parts. As a feminist, as a lesbian-in-soli-

BOOKS

darity with my trans sisters and brothers,
I wish, like many do, that we can get to
the point in our societies where we can
just simply love and celebrate our bodies.
That is the oldest women's and feminist
issue. Lesbians should claim it in their
solidarity with other-gender naming and
framing folks.

WHAT
LIGHT
DOES
YOUR
BOOK
SHED
ON
TODAY'S
POLITICAL
SITUATION?
I think many of the issues and battles
we encountered in the '90s are resurfacing now, with Trump, with the resurgence
of a populist far right in Europe and globally, with the front-line challenges of immigration and religious fundamentalism
embodied by ISIS, and here in the U.S., by
the evangelical extreme right. We learned
a lot in the '90s; we won a lot of fights.
We have tools and we have, collectively,
the memory of how we fought. I'm using my book tour to host conversations
with other activists and authors about
that decade and its lessons for us, both
personally and as participants in overlapping social movements. I'm also inviting
younger queers to be in this conversation, to compare and share, so I get to
learn from younger activists and artists
now too, and see what remains of what I
consider a living history and legacy of the
'90s. (thepoxlover.com) •

HEART
TROUBLE
Award-winning author Jae's newest
lesbian novel is a medical romance
with a few unexpected turns.

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REV1Ews1SHORTSTO

Dr. Hope Finlay loves her job as an emergency room physician, but She has learned not
to get attached to anyone because it never lasts. Laleh Samadi, a waitress at her aunt's
restaurant, connects with people and loves her boisterous Persian family, despite their
tendency to meddle. When Laleh is rushed to the ER with heart trouble, Hope saves
her life. Afterwards, strange things begin to occur: Laleh suddenly knows even the
most obscure diseases, while Hope is fluent in Farsi. what is the mysterious connection
between them? Are they losing their minds, or just their hearts?

''

What happened?" Laleh realized
she was shaking-either from her
own tension or from Hope's; she wasn't
sure.
Hope reached out but stopped before
making contact. She stuffed both hands
into the pockets of her scrubs. "You don't
need to worry. I'm fine."
How could she want to soothe Hope's
pain away and strangle her at the same
time? "No," she ground out. "You're not.
No faking it, remember?"
"Laleh:' There was so much in that one
word: / can't talk about it. God, it's so good
to see you. Please, hold me.
So Laleh did. She rushed forward and
wrapped her arms around Hope, making
her stumble back a step.
Hope's back collided with the stillclosed front door. She was trapped
between it and Laleh's body, the way Jill
had been trapped between Crash and the
counter.
Laleh shook off the mental image and
focused on Hope, whose body was stiff
against hers for a second or two. Finally,
Hope relaxed and seemed to melt into her.
Her arms came up and squeezed so tightly
that it almost hurt. They fit together like
the two pieces of a yin-and-yang symbol.
Hope lowered her head and buried her
face against Laleh's shoulder.
Laleh cradled her against her own body.
She wanted to wrap her into a cocoon of
protectiveness and affection and spirit
her away to a place where no one could
see Hope's moment of weakness. "What
happened?" she whispered after a while
of just holding her.
Not lifting her head from Laleh's
shoulder, Hope inhaled and exhaled. Her
warm breath washed over Laleh's neck,
sending a wave of goose bumps down
her body.

"I lost a patient. She was just six ...
And her mother ... God." A shudder went
through her. "I don't know what's wrong
with me. I don't normally react like this."
"Ssh. Nothing's wrong with you.
Nothing, you hear?" She slid her fingers
into Hope's unruly hair and gently tugged
so Hope would lift her head and look at
her. "You're only human."
Hope looked up. There were no tears in
her eyes, but so much emotion-pain for
more than the girl and her mother.
Laleh understood
without
asking
that she-the distance she had forced
between them-was part of that pain too.
For the first time since her mother's death,
Hope had allowed herself to connect with
someone, and then Laleh had asked her to
stay away.
"I'm so sorry:' About the girl. About your
mother. About everything. She caressed
Hope's scalp, then the back of her neck
with her fingertips, wanting so much to
take away the pain. Her world was reduced
to the pale blue of Hope's eyes and the feel
of the silky strands between her fingers.
Slowly, Hope lowered her head.
Had Laleh pulled her down, or had
Hope moved first? She didn't know, and
her brain lost the ability to think about it.
Her gaze flicked down to Hope's sensuous
mouth.
She leaned up and touched her lips to
Hope's. Not a kiss, really, but more of an
attempt to absorb her pain and send her
all the warmth and affection she could.
Wonder radiated through their link,
peeking out from behind the dark cloud of
Hope's sadness like a ray of sunlight.
Hope held very, very still-for about
two beats of Laleh's racing heart.
Then she fanned her hands out across
Laleh's shoulders and kissed her. It was
tender and careful, a melting of mouth

against mouth.
So soft. So warm. A moan escaped
Laleh's throat. As if that sound had been a
spark igniting a barrel of oil, Hope surged
forward and kissed her-really kissed her.
The tip of her tongue brushed Laleh's lips.
A full-body tingle rushed through Laleh.
Her mouth opened on a gasp, and Hope's
tongue dipped inside, first a tentative
touch, then a long, experimental caress,
like the slide of silk against silk.
Oh holy ... Laleh moaned against Hope's
tongue. Heat seemed to bounce back
and forth between them.
Hope's hands came up to cradle Laleh's
face between her palms, two fingers
grazing the sensitive shell of her ears and
making her shudder.
Laleh's knees grew wobbly, so she
clutched Hope's shoulders. Her whole
body seemed to vibrate with not only her
own feelings but Hope's too. A buzzing
started in her ears and then wouldn't
stop.
"Phone," Hope rasped against her lips.
Huh? Every cell in Laleh's brain was
focused on touching and feeling, not
processing language. She blinked up at
Hope, who looked just as dazed.
"I think ..." Hope cleared her throat, her
voice even huskier than usual. " ...your
phone is buzzing."
"Oh." She stumbled back half a step
and fished the cell phone from her pocket
with trembling fingers. Jeez. What was
that? We...we kissed! And what a kiss. It
took her a moment to remember how
to operate her phone. She was shaking
all over, every nerve alive. When she
lifted the phone to her ear, she kept her
gaze on the ground, not daring to even
peek at Hope to see her reaction to
what had just happened between them.
(ylva-publishing.com). •

AUG/SEP

2017

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31

BOOKS»

LOVE
GUIDES
US

Enjoy these love-affirming good reads.

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CONSCIOUS LESBIANDATING& LOVE

KISS ME AGAIN, PARIS

By Ruth L. Schwartz & Michelle Murrain

Renate Stendhal

Great relationships don't happen by accident or a random strike from Cupid's arrow.
This roadmap to finding the right partner
and the relationship of your dreams is essential reading for lesbians who keep falling in and out of love and don't know why.

A beautiful memoir of the author's time in
Paris in the 1970s when everything female
was chic, and women-gay or straight-fell
in love with women. With vintage photos and
lots of nostalgia, this is perfect for armchair
travelers and those drawn to simpler Sapphic
times. (ifsfpublishing.com)

(consciousgirlfriend.com)

TELL

IIMII
AT HI[

IIPPll<G POINT fOII G4Y IIIGIIIS

Subtitled Love, Defiance, and the Military
Trial at the Tipping Point for Gay Rights,
this book, out in October, offers a foreword
by Col. Margarethe Cammermeyer and
chronicles Major Witt's military career as
a front-line flight nurse in the shadow of
DADT,its demise, and her love for her wife
Laurie Johnson. (dartmouth.edu)

THE MULTIORGASMICDIET
By Rebecca Clio Gould

MU LTl-

0't~;_,c_,
DIET
GJ .....
.,.,'f-.~&..71
HoohM ... H.~1.,.s

.. 1.. , ...

2BRIDES
-.
2BE

32

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TRUESEX:THE LIVESOF TRANS MEN AT
THE TURN OF THE CENTURY

By Major Margaret Witt with Tim Connor

LOWE.DUIANCE.ANOTH[MILIU.IIJJIIIAL

Written by a certified holistic health practitioner and sexual awakening facilitator,
this substantial book encourages readers to awaken their sexual energy with
"soul food" and sensuality rather than
dieting or emotional bingeing. Hello aphrodisiacs, goodbye ice cream-for-one!
Weightloss may even be a side effect.

By Emily Skidmore

Traces the earliest-known accounts of transgender life in America by focusing on 18
trans men living in the late 1800s and early
20th Century, mostly in small towns. Here's
a fresh, true view of queer history that transcends the view of LGBT identity and commuity as urban. (nyupress.org)

LOVE WINS
LAWYERS

WHO

THI; LANDMARK
MARRIAGE

FOUGHT

CASE
EQUALITY

,.01'1

LOVEWINS
By Debbie Cenziper & Jim Obergefe/1

Subtitled The Lovers and Lawyers Who
Fought the Landmark Case for Marriage
Equality, read all about the lead-up to the
monumental Supreme Court ruling that
conferred the right to marry on all couples
in all 50 U.S. states. Meet the couples and
crusaders who fought and won for marriage
equality in this handy paperback edition.

(themultiorgasmicdiet.com)

(williammorrow.com)

2BRIDES2BE

THE HONEYMOON HANDBOOK

By Laura Leigh Abby

By Lonely Planet

Abby and her wife Samantha learned what
made the perfect wedding by planning
their own. The founder and publisher of
2brides2be.com brings a classic vision to
lesbian weddings and for brides dreaming
of their big day. Everything you need to
know is covered, from wording the invites
to walking down the aisle in harmony and
style. (rarebirdlit.com)

A travel guide for honeymooners of all genders and sexual orientation, this travel-style
handbook also offers 25 new and exciting
destinations, including recommendations
for safaris, family-themed trips and ultimate
islands. There is also an LGBT-friendly indicator for same-sex couples with locations
rated from 1 to 5-and swinging Berlin
comes in at number 1. (lonelyplanet.com)

AUG/SEP

2017

BY DR. ELIZABETH FRANZMANN

April was STD Awareness and
Oral Cancer Awareness Month
but it's important
to continue
talking about the link between
human papillomavirus, or HPV-a
common sexually transmitted disease-and oral cancer, which kills
one person per hour, every day, in
the United States.
There are more than 529,000
new cases of oral cancer worldwide each year, and more than 40
percent of those diagnosed die
within five years. However, early
detection can more than double a
patient's chances of survival. While
all adults should be screened for
oral cancer, those who smoke or
use smokeless tobacco and consume alcohol excessively are at a
higher risk for the disease. Another risk factor includes exposure to
certain types of HPV, which is contributing to a rise in oral cancer
among young, otherwise healthy,
nonsmokers.
Here's what you need to know.

SOME
FACTS
ABOUT
THE
LINK
BETWEEN
HPV
AND
ORAL
CANCER:
• The Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention (CDC) says that up to 80 percent of Americans will have HPV infections in their lifetime
• HPV is one of the leading causes of
oral cancer
• The fastest growing segment of the
oral and oropharyngeal cancer population are otherwise healthy nonsmokers in
the 25-to-50 age range
• The greater the number of sexual
partners you have, the more likely you are
to contract a genital HPV infection; and
when engaging in oral sex, this also holds
true for oral infections.
HPV-related oral and oropharyngeal
cancers can be harder to discover than
tobacco-related
cancers because the
symptoms are not always obvious to the
affected person, and may not be visible
to dental or medical professionals. Many
of these symptoms can be very subtle
and painless, or can mimic the signs of
other illnesses.

It is more important than ever to be
aware of the risk factors for oral cancer,
and to get screened by a dental professional at your yearly checkup. To further
inform the public, Vigilant Biosciences
teamed with the Oral Cancer Foundation, the Head and Neck Cancer Alliance
(HNCA), and Support for People with Oral
and Head and Neck Cancer (SPOHNC) to
launch an awareness campaign that aims
to educate adults on the risk factors and
the importance of regular screening.
As part of the campaign, we announced the findings of our survey of
more than 500 U.S. adults. The survey
found that while only about a third of
those surveyed recall being screened for
oral cancer at their last dental checkup, a
large majority would like to be screened
at every checkup.
The survey also revealed how little
adults know about the various risk factors
for oral cancer, particularly the connection between oral cancer and HPV. While
the CDC reports that up to 70 percent
of oropharyngeal cancers may be associated with HPV, the survey found that

AUG/SEP

2017

CURVE

33

IEWS!SEX

59 percent of adults are not aware that
HPV is a risk factor for oral and oropharyngeal cancer. Of those surveyed who
have been diagnosed with HPV, only 36
percent considered themselves at risk for
oral cancer.
Additionally, the survey found that less
than 5 percent of respondents had discussed the relationship between HPV and
oral cancer with their dental professional.
However, once informed that HPV is the
fastest growing risk factor for oral cancer (particularly in the oropharynx area),
more than 50 percent of respondents
stated that they would like to be screened
more often for oral cancer.
Being proactive about oral health is
important. Always keep in mind the following tips:

2017

~THE
'VON

WORD OF MOUTH
ORAL, HEAD+

ORAL + OROPHARYNGEAL

NECK CANCER

CANCER RATES ARE GROWING
In 2017 in the U.S.'

• 529,000+

49,750+
individuals will be
diagnosed with oral or

new cases of oral cancer
each year worldwide 1

oropharyngeal cancer

of those diagnosed with oral
cancer die within five years 3

Early detection can more than double
a patient's chances of survival up to

•

V
•

,.

ARE YOU AT RISK?
♦

• Learn the risk factors: Anyone can
get oral cancer, but certain factors increase the risks. Tobacco use and excessive alcohol consumption are two major
risk factors, aside from HPV.
• Get screened regularly: Most adults
should be tested annually. A Vigilant Biosciences survey revealed that while only
29 percent of respondents recall being
screened for oral cancer at their last dental checkup, a large majority would like
to be screened at every checkup. Talk
to your dental professional about being
screened during your next visit.
• Be vigilant about your health: Maintain good oral and overall health. This
includes engaging in good oral health
practices, including getting regular dental and medical exams, and eating healthy
foods. If you notice any persistent changes in your throat or oral cavity, speak to
your healthcare provider.
• Practice safe sex: Up to 80 percent
of Americans will have HPV infections in
their lifetime. Practicing safe sex and limiting the number of your sexual partners
may lower the risk of contracting HPV.
With the number of oral cancer cases continuing to grow, more work still
needs to be done on raising awareness
of the disease. This is particularly true
with regard to the risk factors associated with the disease. With education, early detection, and awareness,
we can fight oral cancer, together.
(vigilantbiosciences.com) •

34

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AUG/SEP

2017

TOBACCO

ALCOHOL USE

Smoking/Smokeless/Vapor
No amount is safe;
risk increases with use

14+drinks/week for men;
7+ drinks/week for women

EXPOSURE TO
THE HPV VIRUS

SMOKING+

(Human Papillomavirus 16)

DRINKING

People who both smoke and
drink are at greatest risk

THE FACES OF ORAL CANCER ARE CHANGING
Oral, head and neck cancer among young adults is on the rise due to an increase in oral
human papilloma virus (HPV), a common sexually transmitted disease 5
of oropharyngeal
cance_rsmay be
associated
with HPV6

%

LEss
THAN

5%

have discussed the
relationship between
HPV and oral cancer
with their dental
professional 8

would like to be screened more
often for oral cancer 9

When told that certain types of HPV
are a risk factor for oral cancer

MORE EDUCATION

-

of US. adults are
not aware that HPV
1sa risk factor for
oral cancer 7

AND PREVENTION

IS NEEDED

62% of U.S. adults know very little, or nothing at all about oral cancer 10

I~

...
~

I

-=

MORE THAN

81%

OF U.S. ADULTS
would like to be screened for oral
cancer at every dental check-up 13

ON LY 20%

OF U.S. ADULTS

say that their dental professional spoke
with them about risk factors for oral
cancer at their last dental check-up"

cp

ONLY 29%oFu.s.ADULTS

reported that they were screened for
oral cancer at their last dental check-up'

0

MORE THAN

2

77%

OF U.S. ADULTS
want their dentist to help them learn ways
to reduce their risk of getting oral cancer 14

Data Sources: 1: WHO 2014·2015 World Cancer Report: 2·5: Oral

-t'iGILANT

BIOSCIENCES"

~:~t~:~

ALLIANCE

~~;vc:~t~i~:n7~~::~~1~'i~7.t~~a~:~~s~::ek
~~areness
0
th
~~:;';~~~~;cckt~~~{e~i!::~a"n~:'. ~~!~~:~:!r ~~l~an~°:t~~~~:
SupportforPeoplewithOral,HeadandNeckCancer

40 DELIGHTFULLYDAPPERWEDDINGS

44 GIFTS FOR LOVE A ND PRIDE

IC
IR

AY

~

I

FASHION
, ;
ACCESSORIES
, -"
IDENTITY · »

FED UP WITH A LACK OF VISUAL INSPIRATION FOR SAMESEX BRIDES,UK ILLUSTRATORSHOSHANA BRATTON SET
ABOUT CREATING HER OWN BOHO CHIC WEDDING STYLE.

Flipping through wedding magazines as a brideto-be, I was hit by a sinking sensation. White
dresses, white cake, white groom, white bride,
on every page. If you aren't straight and/or white,
chances are you'd feel that tinge of exclusion too.
There were lots of subtle but grating moments
my wife and I experienced when planning our
wedding. We felt like aliens looking in on a
culture we didn't fit into. So eight months after
our wedding, when I launched my illustration
company Shoshy Cadoodle, I began plotting to
do something that would challenge the wedding
industry's exclusivity. I set up a styled wedding
photoshoot featuring an interracial, same-sex
couple. Two dresses. One LGBT-friendly team. A
whole flower wall and a sprinkle of sparkle later,
we had our shoot. I hope this spread will leave
brides-to-be
feeling empowered,
rather than
excluded.

36

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

GET
THE
LOOK
For

the

rest

of the

story

STATIONERY:
Shoshy Cadoodle
shoshycadoodle.com

join

-di

JEWELLERY:
Wild Fawn Jewellery
wildfawnjewellery.com

STYLING, PROPS, FLOW-

FLOWER WALL:

ERS: Fleur De Lace

The Flower Folders

fleurdelace.co.uk

theflowerfolders.co.uk

DRESSES: La Poesie

lapoesie.co.uk
VEIL: Sash and Veil

s

PHOTOGRAPHY:
Emma Bonnick
els-photography.com

V p

VENUE: The Asylum
Chapel,
Caroline Gardens

sashandveil.co.uk
CAKE: Emma Page

FLOWER CROWNS:
Chic 'n' Cheerful

chicncheerful.co.uk
RAINBOW BAG: Pup Tart

emmapagecakes.co.uk

puptart.co.uk

MAKE-UP: Kim Eva May

MODELS: Lucy Scarfe &

kimevamay.com

Leila Naruo

AUG/SEP

2016

CURVE

37

Since 2009, dapperQ, a
leading queer style website,
has been documenting
queer engagement and
wedding style for their
"Wedding Wednesdays"
series, which provides
advice and inspiration
for LGBTQ women who
are planning on tying the
knot. We recently rounded
up some of the most
memorable engagement
and wedding looks from our
archives to inspire engaged
couples with fashion
preferences that range from
classic, for example, black
tailored suits, to fashionforward choices such as a
dress in bold red or emerald.

Mellina White Cusack (left)
and Sarah White Cusack (right)
Photo: Hannah Ludlow
Photography

40

CURVE

AUG/SEP

2017

STYLE/WEDO

Lydia Guterman (left).and
Rebekah Burford (right)
Photo: Brian Hatto·n:

Stephaine Blanch-Byer
(left) and Ardranae
Blanch-Byer (right)
Photo: Gaetano Scalia

IN

Dr. Nina Maresca (left) and Emily Hall Maresca (right)
Photo: Jennifer Liseo

Monet Alexander Hinton
(left) and Nandi
Alexander-Hinton (right)
Photo:
Nataki Hewling

Meg Cale (left) and
Lindsay Cale (right)
Photo: Grace Chu
Photography

GOOD
CLEAN
LOVE
Freshen up with

Perfect gifts for summer loving.

personalized soap
chips this summer. We
chose a "Love Is Love"
message in refreshing

ALWAYS
TIME
FOR
PRIDE

white grapefruit (7

Adventurous accessories brand

scents and any mes-

Kapten & Son have launched a

sage available).Valsey

limited edition watch for LGBT

and Me's adorable

Pride month, and 15 percent of

2-inch soaps come in

proceeds from each watch bene-

treasure chest boxes.

fit NYC Pride. These German-de-

(vaseyandme.com)

signed timepieces come in two
sizes and feature rainbow nylon
bands, a white or black watch
face, and stylish stainless rose

HERS
&HERS
INEVERY
HUE

gold or silver casing.

Send a special message of true inter-

(kapten-son.com)

sectionality with eco-friendly Huetribe
greeting cards, which offer choice and
represent racial, cultural and sexual
diversity in the greeting card market.

WINK
AT
HER

(huetribe.com)

Looking for a cheeky
bachelorette or bridesmaid
gift-or maybe you want
one for yourself! Crave's

LOVE
WINS
THE
DAY

rechargeable Wink+ vibrator

Celebrate #equality and keep

can be kept in plain sight

cool with this adorable tank

without arousing suspicion.

featuring an empowering

Travel-friendly, sophisticated

slogan and a rainbow heart. This

and female-engineered,

exclusive, screenprinted cotton/

available in silver and rose

poly/spandex top will keep the
Pride vibe going until the end

gold. (lovecrave.com)

of summer and is one of many
rainbow-themed gifts available.
(spencersonline.com)

TIED
AND
TRUE
Support three major
LGBT organizations with a
#Bows4Pride rainbow tie.
The entire $25 purchase
price goes to SAGE, for
LGBT older adults; the SF
LGBT Center's resources;
and Free2Luv, the youth
empowerment

nonprofit.

(bows-n-ties.com)
44

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2017

WONDERFULWEDDINGS

DESERTHEARTS

COUPLES IN HARMONY

AUG/SEP

2017

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WE'RE HERE,WE'RE QUEER,
AND WE WANT TO GET MARRIED,TOO.
BY KIRSTEN PALLADINO

Canadians Jennifer and Mellissa
traveled to Maui for their
destination beach wedding.

wEDDIN

FEATURES/

"Aninvaluableresourcewithauniqueper,peclive."-CARLEYROMEY

-

The Ultimate

colounderofTheKnot

Guide ta Planning

-

YOUR LGBTQ+ WEDDING

cheerful paragraphs devoted to same-

ceremony."

sex

option

"commitment

"civil

EQUALLY
WED

ceremonies"

unions"-phrases

that

and

I loathe.

"Look, you too can have a ceremony,"
these authors implied. "Just take all of

dreaming of her wedding.
I soon found out that the wedding
industry could be equally homophobic.
I called and emailed wedding

how it applies to you, and go forth with

the exquisite

their websites or in their magazine ads,

no confusion

or feelings of

Now let's get back to what
when

a groom

makes the

services

only to be hurt and confused
they

emailed

me back

blessing they might be able to, or when

find even one or two mentions of gay

or, perhaps

rare

but save for the

same-sex

returned

my calls

experience

celebrity

Maria and I were alone in

like us could avoid feeling excluded.

updated

that one person, my soul mate. I was

gay- or lesbian specific books, but they

blissful Caribbean

often

didn't speak to us. These well-meaning

equality-minded

resources

understanding

meeting my mate.
my twenties,

I knew a few things for certain:

I was

going to be an editor and a writer, and

include

also

didn't

magazine

couple. We launched equallywed.com

yet have full representation
world.

and modern couple

who needed a wedding

resource that

something

tailored,

where

something

made just for us-and

February

four years later on

29, 2008,

my thirtieth

one day shy of

birthday,

Elated, I accepted

in Central Park.

immediately.

our return

to Atlanta,

bookstore,

one of my favorite

and

began

wedding

opening

planning.

available.

We wanted

something

true,
it

Upon

I went to the
books

places,
about

What I discovered

My heart
this.

I felt

for

the

broke

into

crushed,

in March 2010, and the world went wild
Okay, that's not quite true, but we
quickly

had a lengthy

plenty of other media coverage that I'm
forever g ratef u I for.

pieces

over

forgotten,

and

with love and gratitude
represent

couples

getting

friends.

those marriages,

To me, just

sex marriages

across the country

mean that we couldn't

descriptions

be

because

same-

hadn't yet been legally
didn't

have a wedding

ceremonially

married.

We

equality

We also wanted

by walking

nearlyweds

in that book, but the language excluded

separate

fountain

us. Some wedding

different

even had

water

and

using

terms such as "commitment

marriage

the normalcy

and to promote
under

the law that LGBTQ+ couples deserve.

rank as citizens

guides

to support

of these weddings,

LGBTQ+

to validate

the love and equal protection

weren't going to take second or third
up to a

modern

married,

by showcasing

me. Sure, we could imagine our place

even applied to Maria and

reacted

that warmed

my heart. Our main purposes were to

wasn't as good as those of my straight

and

print feature in

the New York Times, spots on CNN, and

visually

was all "bride and groom": none of the

LGBTQ+

for it.

It felt like my wedding

unimportant.

recognized

modern

And the LGBTQ+ community

didn't exist.

dating my future wife.
Maria proposed

wasn't

in

Maria and I were

as an editor at a national art magazine,
I began

and editor. We

created Equally Wed, an on line wedding

LGBTQ+

simply

when

and me as the writer

and we

newspaper helped me land my first job
I was working

as the

and web developer,

The

a young, vibrant,

newspaper
my college

designer

woman.

intern

of

on the

island of Saint Martin,

is multifaceted,

didn't

in chief

us from our

honeymoon

Maria and I got to work-she
graphic

man nor a lesbian

soil, delivering

community
the wedding

at a metropolitan

the

As soon as our plane landed back on
American

cisgender

Sure enough, my work as an editorial
editor

reflect

nonheterosexuals

many people who are neither

a gay cisgender

someday I would meet my life partner.

and

and more obscure

that

This

much that we decided to do something

being swept off my feet and finding

detective novel, romanticizing

emails.

Maria and me so

about it to ensure that other couples

Even when we took our search online,

was a sweet romance or some daring

and

bothered

we found only a few outdated and rarely
websites

a phone call,

worse, when they never

I always wanted to get married. As

I entered

they

didn't do gay weddings but with Jesus's

a little girl, I dreamed of marriage, of

By the time

when

saying

they went silent during

planning our wedding.

my future, including

on

much of the same. I hoped that I would

wedding,

much of

described

speak ..." Wedding magazines provided

incredibly

it

vendors

absolutely

or lesbian weddings,

lost in some book, whether

an
up

with the hope that they could deliver

in your own head about

toast and his bride may or may not

PALLADINO

wasn't

who'd grown

gymnastics

happens

Foreword by Lance Bass and Michael Tu,chin

simply

what I have written here, do the mental

exclusion.

KIRSTEN

That

for someone

wedding
coined

to connect

with

professionals,
after working

AUG/SEP

LGBTQ+

equality-minded
a

term

I

with thousands

2017

CURVE

47

pansexual,

queer,

or

the right to marriage and to be treated

simply label-free. Though the LGBTQ+

as first-class citizens while we plan our

community

weddings.

beginning

After

marriage

equality

became

a

reality with the 5-4 Supreme

Court decision striking down same-sex

The idea for a wedding

book for

since

the

for visibility.

Equally Wed won't allow

for our erasure in the wedding

world.

years after

through my brain for quite some time,

We're here, we're queer, and we want

but I didn't

to get married too.

challenges

grew significantly.

remain and acceptance

But
in

summon

find a publisher

running

existed

LGBTQ+ couples

Equally Wed was born-

has been

has

of time, we are still fighting

marriage bans, on June 26, 2015-five
our readership

the courage

to

until after the 2015
from

Equally

Wed:

The

Supreme Court decision.

down that everyone deserves a gender-

Ultimate

neutral wedding

LGBTQ+ Wedding by Kirsten Palladino.

industry, which includes

media,

vendors,

learning

what

understanding

and venues,

is still

it means to be truly
and

only

slowly

that it has been locked

into a heteronormative

worldview

Equally Wed founders
Kirsten and Maria Palladino
married in Decatur,
Georgia, in an intimate late
spring garden wedding on
June 13, 2009. Two years
later, they legally wed in
New York.

that

plan their
transgender,
gender

I knew deep

Excerpted

society is far from universal. Much of
the wedding

equality-minded

'

bisexual,

isn't everyone's worldview.

LGBTQ+ community.
federal

We all have

gay,

of vendors who really care about the

book with which to

wedding,

whether

nonbinary,

nonconforming,

they're

Copyright

Guide

to

Planning

Your

© 2017. Available from Seal

genderqueer,

Press, an imprint

of Perseus Books,

gender fluid,

LLC, a subsidiary

of Hachette

intersex, agender, intergender,

lesbian,

Book

Group, Inc.•

Georgian
couple Ethan,
a trans man,
and Jessica had
a DIY outdoor
wedding in
New York.

MAYAN

MAGIC

ON

THE

MEXICAN
RIVIERA
FOR A BUSY NEW YORK LESBIAN COUPLE,
A BLISSFUL BEACHFRONT WEDDING AT
BANYAN TREE MAYAKOBARESORT.

FEATURES/

Meaghan Wells and Jennifer Loeffler

beachfront and part of the jungle. The

wEDDIN

in the presence of the gods and supreme

were looking for a secluded, luxurious

events team was incredibly supportive

beings, declares them wife and wife. They

resort in the Caribbean to host their

and walked us through all of our decisions

are sprinkled with rose petals and invited

friends

a destination

and

to make a floral offering to the ocean.

manages

vendors in the area. They also were very

"We wanted a ceremony that would

operations for a German tower crane

accommodating with our request to hold

be spiritual, but not religious or kitschy,"

manufacturer, while Wells, 29, is VP of

nearly every event on the beach."

says Wells. "When we first met Gaby, the

and family

wedding.

Loeffler,

for
28,

U.S.

Finance for a private aviation company.
Together they decided

on the Riviera

made

creative

introductions

to

Friends and family stayed on property
in three-bedroom

Maya on the East Coast of Mexico-

cost-efficient

villas, which afforded

luxury.

"Overall,

Banyan

wife of the shaman who performed our
ceremony, we were so inspired by her aura
and when she explained the four ideals

attracted to its cuisine, beautiful beaches,

Tree is not only the best resort we have

that the ceremony

and accessibility for guests coming from

ever stayed at-it

love, purity, strength, and prosperity-we

Germany and the U.S.

venue," says Loeffler.

was a perfect wedding

revolved around-

were sold. Involving family and friends

Loeffler, who hails from Germany, says

Wells and Loeffler shaped their personal

and nature was also something we liked,

that "After visiting a few other resorts

commitment ceremony around the hotel's

especially with the ceremony ending with

in the area, we felt that no other place

Mayan Ceremony, a unique offering at

throwing roses into the ocean."

compared to

Banyan Tree Mayakoba. In this sacred

Banyan Tree Mayakoba."

(For a tour, turn to page 68).
"The service, from the time we arrived,
was impeccable

and the team made

us feel like we were the only guests,"

Loeffler

notes

ritual performed by a Mayan shaman in

their wedding

that

the

focus

was on spirituality,

of
not

his native language, the shaman blesses

materialism.

the couple with four elements: maize,

much with what to wear-we

symbolizing

dresses last minute and wore the rings we

the abundance of Mother

"We did not bother that
bought

says Wells. "The luxury of the resort was

Earth; water and flowers as a prayer for

had bought each other a while ago. What

also impressive-every

their relationship;

was important to us was that we had a

villa had its own

smoke from natural

pool and was decorated to the highest

Mayan incense to promote understanding

beach ceremony with all of our friends

standards,

delicious,

of each other; and the spirit of fire so that

and family."

and the staff took care of every whim.

they may receive positive and creative

Impressed with Banyan Tree Mayakoba,

The variety of the landscape was also

energy. These blessings are accompanied

the couple plans to stay at the Banyan

by songs and drumming.

Tree Ungasan in Bali when they take their

amazing.

the

food

was

Boats and golf carts drove

everyone around the property, which was

The shaman

asks the couple to express their love, and

honeymoon this fall.•

The shaman declares them wife and wife

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51

URES/WEOOINGS

A bountiful blessing

MARKtTPlACt
Go o: www IBeitterBoiscom

BUYERS

REPRESENTATION
BY
THENATION'S
TOP
LGBTQ
REALTORS.

She's not just the kind of wedding

nonprofit for six years. In 2010, before gay

planner you want to hire, she's the kind

marriage was legal in Virginia, she wed

of broad you want to hang out with.

Beth Manghi in a state park outside the

Funny, foul-mouthed,

city. The pair eventually traveled to D.C.,

and

almost

as

dedicated to social justice as she is to her

and on National Coming Out Day legally

wife, Beth, Casey Dokoupil is also whip

exchanged vows in front of the White

smart and knows how to throw a hell of

House.

a party. She's been doing it professionally

Dokoupil, who understands all about

now for about two years, along with her

being treated less than, calls that first

business partners,

wedding "bittersweet, because it wasn't

Rachel Leyco and

Linda Mccurdy, who are queer as well.

real," adding,

In that time, EQ Events has coordinated

something you can explain to people who

around

30

special

occasions

in the

for a wedding, and not be married."

weddings,

they also

So it's with no small amount of joy and
a whole lot of verve that Dokoupil helps

Dokoupil, who also officiates, "is to get

LGBTQ couples get hitched legally. She

people married off happily."

says one of her favorite nuptials was "a
two-bride wedding at the Poe Museum.

explains, is by "vetting vendors not just

It was so romantic, with vintage styling

for quality, but also to make sure that

that went perfectly with the feeling of the

they are going to treat our clients with

venue. Both brides were crying ...wearing

dignity and respect. So that they don't

couture

have to feel anxiety that they're going

of class, but it was so Richmond-y.

outfits.

It was the

epitome

to be treated like they're less than-it

Richmond is very artistic and quirky, and

happens all the time, but I don't want it to

a lot of couples like to play off that."

happen to any of my clients. So that's one

For DIY couples planning a wedding,

of the main services that we provide and

Dokoupil

what makes us a high value to our queer

figuring out what's most important-for

suggests

they

start

by

example, having a historic venue-and

clients."
Dokoupil, a long-time

2017

it feels like

make exceptional

One way EQ Events does that, Dokoupil

AUG/SEP

have straight privileges-what

it's

to plan a wedding, have a wedding, pay

though the company's main goal, says

CURVE

know that

Richmond, Va., area. Not only do they
write proposals and throw fundraisers,

54

"I don't

social justice

then deciding on a budget for it. As for

crusader, was raised in Syracuse, N.Y.,

vendors, she says, "Ask them straight up:

and has a master's degree in international

'Are you welcoming

social

living

And if there's any hesitation, hang up

everywhere from Australia to Scotland,

and try someone else." With a chuckle,

Dokoupil

she adds, "Couples can always just email

development.
settled

After

in Richmond,

where

to queer people?'

she taught a classroom of young male

me and I'll give them advice for free!"

sex offenders through a Family Services

(eqeventsrva.com) •

f you had to sum up Mary Lambert in

such a universal moment. You can go

When

one word, it might wel I be "authentic" -

back to that moment when you first held

release party in New York City, Bold was in

not a word that often springs to mind

hands with somebody and it was, like,

Billboard's Top 10, despite being released

when you're describing

a pop star!

better than sex. There was a time when it

not on Capitol but on the singer's own

But then, Lambert is by no means a

was better, you know? And sometimes it

MaryLambertSings label! Proof that even

typical pop star.

still is!" Amen.

in the world of pop music, there are those

know, unless you've

A lot has happened to Lambert in the

been living under a rock, Mary Lambert

three years or so since her breakout with

is a musician from Washington state who

Macklemore. She released an excellent

got her big break when she sang the

four-song EP called Welcome to the Age

As you probably

Curve

caught

her

recent

CD

rare times when an artist can stay true to
herself and still have a hit.
As is typical of Lambert, Bold is a
diverse disc even at six songs-seven,

hook of Macklemore and Ryan Lewis's

of My Body; she was signed to Capitol

if you count Chamuel's remix of "Know

2014 smash, "Same Love," a hip-hop

Records, which issued her official debut

Your Name." That song, the

song in support of marriage equality. But

album, Heart on My Sleeve, in 2015; she's

single from Bold, is one of the lighter

Lambert herself is not a hip-hop artist. Her

performed

at the Grammys, on Good

moments on the EP. In contrast to the

music falls more in the singer-songwriter

Morning America, and on a host of other

hopeless-romantic theme of "She Keeps

genre-but

TV shows; she's romantically

current

involved

Me Warm," it's actually about a hookup.

piano rather than the guitar, and her

with a fellow musician, Michelle Chamuel

The video Lambert filmed for the song

repertoire is as likely to include intense

(who is still her partner); and she did

takes place in a Barcade and features

spoken-word

several lengthy tours, both supporting

performances from Sara Ramirez, Jacob

pop tunes. The song that made her a star

Gavin DeGraw and as a headliner. And it

Tobia, and Hazel Jade. Elsewhere on Bold,

is "She Keeps Me Warm," a deceptively

all happened so quickly that it felt like a

there's a moving ballad called "Love Is

simple ballad that includes the hook from

blur to Lambert.

her songs are written on the

pieces as it is feel-good

"Same Love" ("I can't change, even if I

As much

Love," written and co-sung by her mother

as Capitol

needs to

be

(whose name is also Mary Lambert!), and

tried"), which this straight, male writer

commended

a plus-size,

a pop song called "Hang Out with You,"

admits he still can't listen to (or watch)

openly gay singer with bipolar disorder,

which was written earlier than most of the

without getting misty-eyed.

there is also the reality of the "star maker

other tracks.

for

signing

sang

But if you think Lambert has sold out

says, "Thank you! Wow! It was my dream

about in the 1970s. Once you sell (or

and gone totally pop, nothing could be

for years to do that video. First of all, as

are expected to sell) a certain number

further from the truth.

a plus-size woman, [I'm] vastly under-

of albums, it's very easy to become a

Down," arguably the EP's centerpiece, is

represented in the media. And when I am

product in the eyes of your label-even

six minutes of spoken-word catharsis. It's

represented, it's [as] a comedic tool. It's

that wasn't the original intent.

When I tell her as much, Lambert

not allowed to be sexy or romantic. So I

machinery"

that

Joni

Mitchell

if

"Lay Your Head

no secret that though she's not yet 30,

In the liner notes of Lambert's new,
released EP, Bold, she

Lambert has been through

more than

some people go through in a lifetime-

wanted to make that video, regardless;

independently

just the idea of a plus-size woman being

actually

their

including being kicked out of her church

a main character, someone who falls in

letting her go "an act of kindness!" And

for being gay and surviving more than

thanks

Capitol,

calling

sexual

assault.

Experiences

like

she means it-which,

Me Warm,' [it] made sense to honestly

typical pop star reaction. "I had a great

these might

depict a lesbian relationship as well. I just

time on the label," she explains. "It served

men, the church, patriarchy in general.

wanted to get all my agendas out in one

a great purpose. They could have [come]

But Mary Lambert is not some people.

fell swoop!" She laughs.

back to me with what I had presented to

She acknowledges

them and been, like, 'No. Make something

ultimately ends up focusing on the light.

"If you have, you know, your Taylor

again, is hardly a

one

love with somebody. And with 'She Keeps

make some people hate

the

darkness

but

Swifts and John Mayers and everybody

else.' But to me, it was a real act of love

In "Lay Your Head Down," she's written

making these heterosexual love stories,

[for them to say], 'We really value what

"I used to cry because I was alone and

why can't I be represented as well?" she

you do [but]

asks. "Why isn't there that visibility? I'm

[better]

if there's a

I wanted to die ...l cry because I am

partner for you.' And me also

full now. How could one person be so

a hopeless romantic, too. I don't feel

having that realization of, 'I think I could

fortunate to live with all this light?" When

disassociated from a romantic comedy

do this on my own.' I really felt like it was

I ask her how she's able to do this, she

because it's a male and a female. Because

very loving, and [it was] very amicable."

says, "If I had a thesis statement for my

we wonder

is not something that a pop

life, [it might be] that song. I believe that

moment of the song, I didn't want it to be

star normally says, but it's absolutely true.

the capacity for happiness is matched

a kiss. I wanted it to be two hands in the

And, at the moment at least, Lambert

with the capacity for grief. And I think

backseat of a car. Because I feel like that's

seems to have the best of both worlds.

those of us who have grieved heavily,

it's love. [So] I knew that at the pinnacle

Again-this

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61

or experienced

sometimes unthinkable

same time, there are small victories and

is essential to change. I read an article

things, really understand the value of life.

there are reasons to be joyful and there

recently

It makes living more profound than [it is

are beautiful aspects of humanity. You

you care about humanity, you should

for] maybe someone who hasn't been

can't have one without the other; it's not

be prepared to break the law.' It's true. I

close to death-or

possible."

believe in kindness and compassion for all,

[had] the desire to die.

"I think that's why my desire to connect

I ask Lambert

with people issohigh," Lambert continues.

thoughts

"Because I've seen it:-

administration-how

Over the course

about

to

expand

the

on

her

Trump/Pence

it might affect the

that

said something

like, 'If

and I can understand where everybody's
coming from, having been raised in a
fundamentalist

church.

[But] we're at

of 10 years, [I've] gone from complete

country's LGBTQ community. "It's hard to

that place where civil disobedience

self-hatred or attempted suicide to 'How

find the positive," she admits. "I think if

necessary, and disruption has to be part

could I have ever felt that way? The world

there is a positive, it's about the resilience

of the narrative."

is so beautiful.' But also [knowing] that

of America. I mean, trans rights already

The writer and publicist Kelly Cutrone

nothing is static. Everything is moving,

[have] very little protection. So to have

once said that Lambert is actually a healer

all the time. We want to look at things

them even more threatened, or to have

disguised as a pop star-an

as absolute sometimes. Whether it's a

things being overturned-it's

that seems pretty accurate. "My primary

nihilistic mentality of looking at the world

like, 'trans people are gonna die' is a

goal since I was a kid is to impact the

like everything's awful, or closing our eyes

hyperbole. More trans people will die.

world positively," Lambert tells me. "My

and ears and being, like, 'Everything's

[And that's] a tragedy."

goal is to create an environment for a

not even,

is

assessment

great, let me just go on Twitter!' [But] all

"I'm reminded of being in high school,"

listener to feel safe and vulnerable,and

parts exist simultaneously. You can be

Lambert adds. "Telling myself to just hold

to hopefully heal. To be a catalyst for

angry about the state of the world. You

on, find community, pray. And engage!

that. That's why I perform.

can be fuckin' pissed off about Donald

It's so important to engage, to not be

sharing. It's about an invitation to heal."

Trump, [and] you should be. But at the

closed off, to understand that ally-ship

(marylambertsings.com) •

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It's about

I'm uncharacteristically nervous before interviewing Young M.A. I
can't help worrying that the swaggering Brooklyn rapper will be way
too cool for someone like me. I decide my best strategy is to play
up the obvious differences between us-she's a fearless hip-hop artist who opened for Beyonce, has over 200 million YouTube views,
and spits her male counterparts under the nightclub table-and me,
well, I'm a slightly posh, very silly writer who often trips over her own
high heels. As I dial her number, I pray she gets the joke. It's a journalistic gamble, but luckily one that pays off. She cracks up when I
ask, doing my best impression of Dame Maggie Smith in Downton
Abbey, "So, M.A, have you really been getting bitches since the third
grade?"
It turns out she has. "Hell yeah, my first kiss was with a girl. There
was a game that we played called House. I used to play the daddy,
so I had to kiss the mommy." I chortle knowingly and tell her, "Oh
M.A, we all played that game." That's when I realize I needn't have
worried. However full-throttle her music is, the woman behind the
bars is charming and affable, with a warm, gravelly voice and a brilliant sense of humor.
She started rapping when she was just 9 years old. "Right away I
fell in love with music," she says. But surely she wasn't spitting about
the "hoes in the club" while she was still in primary school, was she?
"That's the crazy thing though. There I was, talking about pimps in
the club. I don't know why," she laughs. M.A and I clearly had very
different childhoods. "I got older and more wise and realized I wanna speak for the people. To this day, I still talk about things that
actually do go on in my life."
When we start chatting about her relationship with model/DJ Tori
Brixx, M.A's voice softens. "She's such an angel." I ask if Tori minds
her singing so many songs about getting with other girls. "Nah, she's
cool, she's cool. She's definitely understanding, because she's in the
business as well." I'm curious if, now that she's happily coupled up,
we'll see a difference in her music. "It won't change nothing," she
assures me. "It just gives me something else to speak about, and for
people to relate to."
Much has been made of M.A's being the first out lesbian to break
through to mainstream success in the hip-hop industry. She insists,
"It actually feels normal. Anybody who comes up to me is always
just, like, 'Yo, I love your music, you're dope.' It's never 'You're a dope
gay rapper.' You have the little vultures on the internet, but if we're
talking real life, it's always been about love. I can say that hip-hop
has accepted me."
When I wonder out loud if it would be possible for hip-hop to embrace a gay male rapper in the same way, she's not so sure. "Once
gay guys become a little more accepted in life, eventually they'll
become accepted in hip-hop, but it's gonna take a very long time
for that to happen. Hopefully, I can be the one to help bring that
in." She adds what for her is the crucial point: "And they gotta be
dope as hell. A lot of people look past that I'm gay. And a lot of guys
can relate to what I do, too. They do the same thing," she sniggers,
referring to the sexually explicit language in her tracks. A sample
lyric from her breakout hit, "Ooouuu": "They call her Stephanie, I
call her Headphanie."
M.A's critics have accused her of perpetuating the same sexist
stereotypes, and in the same way, that the male rappers who've
come before her did. Unsurprisingly, it's not a topic she particularly
enjoys discussing. She sums up her stance best in an interview with
The Fader: "At the end of the day, men can be described the same

64

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2017

way as men describe women. A man can be a ho, just as much as

and I was very hidden," she says. She initially found it difficult to

a woman can be a ho. And I'm a woman myself! I respect women.

accept her own sexuality. "I thought I was the only person who

I respect my mother."

was like this. When I got older, I realized that my attraction for

She doesn't just respect her mother-she credits the "superwoman" with making her who she is today. "My mother was the

women wasn't going away; it wasn't no phase."
Thankfully, M.A has grown to embrace herself completely, and

biggest influence in my life, the only influence. She's the strongest
woman I know. It's amazing to see how much she's been through,

now the music industry embraces her in return. Whatever you
might think of the words she uses to describe her life experience,

and she's still on her feet." M.A's father was in prison throughout
her childhood, and her brother was stabbed to death in a gang

you can't deny that she's ferociously talented and has worked incredibly hard to get where she is. She explains that she's "grate-

fight when she was still a teenager. She proudly describes how
her mom always looked out for her, buying her equipment-ka-

ful" for the struggle she's been through. "It definitely made me
stronger. It made me feel like now I can take on anything. I don't

raoke machines, microphones-and doing anything she could to
help her daughter achieve her ambitions.

want people to feel like nothing is possible. Anything is possible."
With her lyrical mastery, natural charisma, and inspiring

Despite this unwavering support, it took M.A a long time to
come out to the person closest to her. "She kind of knew all my

self-belief, M.A has successfully smashed down barriers that have
existed in the music industry for decades. "Now that I have the

life. Every now and then she'd say, 'Do you like girls?' I used to tell
her no. I didn't know how she would feel about it. Finally, when I

freedom to express myself, I just take advantage of it. I love being
myself, I love being free, I love being able to say, 'This is what I
am.'"

got to express it to her, a whole relief just came off my shoulders.
I became who I was that very day."

I ask her what the M.A in her name stands for. "It's just Me

M.A's strong sense of self is one of the things that makes her
music so appealing, but she hasn't always been this confident.

Always."
Young M.A's EP Herstory is out now. Her debut album, Herstory

"When I was younger I was very uncomfortable, I was very shy,

in the Making, will drop later this year. (youngmamusic.com) •

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70 SURPRISINGSAN JUAN

76 ROMANCING RICHMOND

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Inside the aquatic paradise of Banyan Tree Mayakoba.
BY MERRYN

Paradise on earth does exist. It's on
the Riviera Maya, at the magical Banyan
Tree Mayakoba. This 5-star resort on
the eastern seaboard of the Yucatan
Peninsula is something special: a village
of 120 elegant and private villas built
around a commanding and beautiful
Asian-inspired complex, within which
flows a blue-green lagoon that connects
to cenotes, the scared subterranean
chambers where fresh water meets the
sea. It's a little like Venice, Mayan-style.
Mayakoba-meaning
village over the
water in the Mayan language-is a unique
blend of Asian hospitality and philosophy
applied to Mexican heritage and culture.
Whether your villa is lagoon-view or
oceanfront-there
are seven types to
choose from including a three-bedroom
family residence perfect for weddings-

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JOHNS

all are spacious with private pools, open
areas and individual floorpans that give
you privacy and flexibility. Odds are
they're bigger than the space you live
in-starting at 3,000 sq. ft.
To get around a resort this size and
shape and visit everything it has to
offer, from the beach club to the spa
pavilion, you can take the lagoon boat
or bicycle-or request a golf cart to pick
you up. You'll probably never need to go
to town in Playa Del Carmen because
the resort has everything, including
dining as transcendental as the resort
itself. Saffron, Banyan Tree's signature
restaurant serves upscale and innovative
Thai cuisine. It's a lovely experience to sit
on the romantically-lit deck overlooking
the tropical mangroves. For simple dayboat seafood, Sands Restaurant at the

beach pavilion is the spot, but carnivores
will be delighted by Tomahawk, which
serves choice cuts of meat grilled to
perfection. And for a fun happy hour or
nightcap, La Copa on the upper level
of the lobby bar serves international
wines and cocktails with views from the
expansive terrace. For breakfast, Oriente
presents an exquisite and extensive
buffet laden with fresh traditional
Mexican, Asian, and European dishes.
But for a culinary experience that is
literally out of this world, book a seat or
two at HAAB'. This special group dinner
banquet takes its name from the Mayan
calendar and is not just a meal-it's an
immersive and interactive night-long
experience. Beginning in the lobby at
sundown, and after a brief ceremony to
thank the departing day, you are led by

FEATURES/

Mayan warriors adorned in face paint,
traditional
costume
and feathered
headdresses, and escorted with flaming
torches to a forest glade. The warriors
ignite four fire pits, signifying the cardinal
points of north, south, east and west,
and pray for the next day. In the centre
is a table where the dinner is served and
between courses you will hear stories of
Mayan history, culture and the natural
world, including the Yucatan people's
environmental wisdom. On the menu
are ancient Mayan recipes, cooked over
an open fire pit. You begin with warm
sopes-a
Mexican appetizer of fried
cornmeal, freshly harvested vegetables
and slow cooked meat paired with
an indigenous aperitif
infused with
wildflowers and served in a small wooden
jar. Tequila and signature cocktails made
with local Mayan liqueurs help you to get
to know your neighbors and more dishes
follow: Aguachile ceviche made with
fresh fish and shrimp. Lime soup with
tender chicken. Spiced suckling pig. Fish
wrapped in banana leaves. Tortillas filled
with chayote and other native vegetables.
Even the desserts are Mayan, but gringos
will be delighted with the final touch:
'smores shared over the firepit.
I have never really experienced such a
revelatory meal with complete strangers.
Introducing ourselves at the beginning of
dinner, an American man seated next to
me broke down in tears and apologized
to the Mexican people for Donald Trump.
This proclamation called for more tequila
and a good night was had by all.

But it wouldn't be a vacation without a
bit of body pampering, and that means
a treatment at the award-winning Banyan
Tree Spa. While there are 16 lagoon or
jungle-view private treatment pavilions
where certified therapists from the
Banyan Tree Spa Academy conduct
body treatments, massages or facials, I
selected "The Rainforest" hydrotherapy
experience. This extraordinary guided
regimen of showers, steams, and soaksincluding a dose of crushed ice!-is
labyrinthine, and by the end of it you will
be hydrated, detoxed, and as compliant
as a tortilla.
If you must be active there is yoga in
the spa pavilions, or you can play golf
on a spectacular 18-hole championship

TRA

golf course designed by Greg Norman
and home to the only PGA Tour event in
Latin America. Since you are surrounded
by water you can snorkel and kayak, too,
or spend a day at the beach. I recommend
the ecological boat tour through the
property where you can marvel at the
aquatic life (including a baby crocodile)
and birdwatch in complete serenity.
If you are here for love, request an
Intimate Moment: return to your villa and
discover it decorated with candles, rose
petals, satin bed linens, aromatic oils
and incense. Wine, exotic fresh fruit and
chocolate will have been artfully arranged
around your outdoor tub to inspire your
night of romance-with a Mayan blessing.
(banyantree.com) •

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Puerto Rico is ready for your destination

wedding

or honeymoon.

BY JILL GLEESON

Oh, San Juan, you do know how to do
us right. White sand beaches so powdery
and soft they are like confectioner's
sugar. Gentle green seas that cool and
caress us under that dazzling Caribbean
sun. And evenings made giddy with
fine rum, spicy cuisine, and seductive
nightclubs, where sweat-slicked flesh
presses close on dance floors. Just as
alluring to American travelers as any of
these temptations is how easy San Juan
is to enter-no
passport or currency
exchange required, since Puerto Rico is
a U.S. territory.
San Juan, its erotic, exotic capital
city, is a fast four-hour flight from New
York, making it the ideal location for a
sexy, sunny, no-hassle honeymoon or
destination wedding. Puerto Rico, which
legalized same-sex marriage when the

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U.S. mainland did, boasts plenty of
ultra-luxe properties that exist simply
to pamper. Three in particular, Hotel
El Convento, La Concha Resort, and
the Condado Vanderbilt, are especially
appealing. All three offer a dedicated
staff trained to help plan your perfect
nuptials and honeymoon. And with the
whole city at your disposal, you'll never
run out of things to do-that is, if you
make it out of your hotel suite.

SAN
JUAN'S
COLONIAL
CHARM
In a city founded in 1508 by the famed
conquistador Ponce de Leon, history is
everywhere, particularly down the blue
cobblestone streets of Old San Juan.
Filled with Colonial buildings daubed in
the brilliant colors of the tropics, Old San
Juan is home to one of the island's most

romantic retreats, Hotel El Convento
(elconvento.com).
The property was
built more than three centuries ago as a
Carmelite convent, and contains just 58
guest rooms, all graced with Old World
touches like wooden ceiling beams,
handcrafted tiles, and antique chests.
The magnificent Cathedral of San
Juan Bautista, almost half a millennium
old, is right across the street, a bonus for
marriage-minded twosomes, according
to El Convento spokesperson Neisha
Martinez. "Between 25 to 30 percent
of the weddings we celebrate at El
Convento have their ceremony at the
cathedral," she notes. "The decor, such as
the checkered floors, doors, chandeliers,
and arches, are the same between the
cathedral and our hotel, which is a huge
appeal to our couples."

FEATURES/

For those celebrating newly wedded
bliss, a tour through Old San Juan is a
must, including stops at the massive El
Morro, a fort that dates back almost to
the city's founding, and Plaza de Armas,
ringed by charming local shops.

SOPHISTICATED
GLAMOUR
Located
in
the
super-swanky
Condado district, La Concha Resort
(laconcharesort.com)
is sleek
and
modern, with airy open spaces layered
in gleaming white. A favorite of lesbians
looking to put a ring on it, the hotel has
hosted around 10 lesbian weddings
since same-sex marriage became legal,
according to J.C. Cappas, the hotel's
LGBT liaison. One particularly memorable
ceremony involved a lesbian couple who
decided to elope at La Concha, says
Cappas, "because they felt so safe and
welcomed ....lt started to rain [during
the wedding] and the way the team
came through to move everything was
priceless."
While San Juan is blessed with a
wealth of restaurants serving some of the
Caribbean's finest food, honeymooning
couples staying at La Concha will want to
make sure to book a table at Perla, housed
in an architectural wonder inside the
resort. Specializing in seafood, its menu
includes fennel-dusted diver scallops
so tender they nearly dissolve on your
tongue.
Meanwhile, sand-and-sea lovers will

TRA

be pleased to discover that La Concha
offers its own slice of both, but Condado
Beach, where Cappas says "the gay
sun-worshippers tend to gather," is a
short walk away. So, too, is gay-owned
Oceano (oceanopr.com), a three-level
restaurant and bar with generous decks
perfect for sunset-gazing with your
special someone. For late-night clubgoers, the massive Circo Bar, where
you can dance until tomorrow, is the
spot to be.

PAMPERING
ELEGANCE
For 5-star opulence with what seems
like miles of marble interior, the Condado
Vanderbilt awaits (condadovanderbilt.
com), right next door to La Concha. It
offers a seriously seductive spa, and,
overlooking the ocean, what must be
one of the world's most gorgeous infinity
pools. A bar with attentive service is
nearby; later in the afternoon, a DJ starts
spinning to liven things up. Head to the
other side of the property for a nosh at
Tacos & Tequila, a restaurant far more
refined than its name suggests. It serves
everything from short-rib tacos to more
than nine varieties of Patron and Patron
Roca tequila. The most vibrant of all
the Caribbean cities, San Juan has it all:
beautiful beaches, stellar cuisine, and a
nightlife that never seems to stop. Should
you decide to elope there, just beware:
You and your paramour may never want
to return home.•

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Wyndham Grand Rio Mar Beach Resort & Spa
offers tropical brides a grand scale.
BY MERRYN

Calling all brides-to-be! If you want a
destination wedding without getting out
your passport, consider the Wyndham
Grand Rio Mar Beach Resort & Spa. "We
accept same-sex weddings and we have
done a few already," says Monique Perez,
event director. "When brides call and tell
me, 'By the way, it's a same-sex wedding'
my answer is: 'Love is Love!"' One of the
first weddings Perez coordinated for the
resort was a lesbian wedding, and she's
still in contact with the brides.
Wyndham Grand Rio Mar Resort & Spa
recently celebrated its 20th anniversary
and has established its presence as a
contemporary classic hotel on a grand
scale-500
acres and an enviable milelong stretch of pristine beachfront,
to be exact. After a 2014 multimilliondollar restoration, all rooms have been

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JOHNS

decorated in vibrant and hip decor
echoing the accents of San Juan's Old
Town, the oldest city in the U.S. and its
territories.
The resort has many amenities to enjoy
while you prepare for or recover from
your big day. Dine at a choice of seven
restaurants-I
loved hanging out with
the gang at the 5'0 Clock Somewhere
Bar & Grill: juicy jumping fresh fish tacos
and robust and tangy margaritas.
Spend a day at two world-class golf
courses and a premier tennis club.
The Greg Norman golf course boasts a
sophisticated Golf Clinic with charming
golf director who will guide novices on
how to swing correctly.
And when it comes to being pampered,
book a treatment at Mandara Spa. The
deep tissue massages are sublime and

will ease you into relax mode. Unwind
with your love in the adult section of
the gigantic signature pool and jacuzzi.
Cabana service is available. Stroll along
the beach, or venture further afield.
The hotel can assist you with tours
of colonial Old San Juan and its azure
ocean backdrop, or El Yunque nature
reserve with its beautiful biodiversity
and lush tropical vegetation. Hike to a
waterfall and plunge into its refreshing
pool, fringed by jungle. Reserve plenty
of energy for a bioluminescent bay kayak
tour at dusk. Paddle through mangroveframed waterways at twilight and into the
miraculous bay where you can trace your
hand through the silky water to produce
one of nature's rare light displays. It's
a magical and romantic experience.
In season, March to November, you

FEATURES/

can also witness the nesting ritual of
Leatherback,
Hawksbill, and Green
Sea Turtles on the hotel's very own
beachfront, and with the approval of the
Department of Natural Resources. The
Wyndham Grand Rio Mar is dedicated
to environmental
management
and
corporate social responsibility.
This is affordable, LGBTQ-friendly
luxury, close to home on the Island of
Enchantment. (wyndhamriomar.com) •

TRA

Brides-to-be

will blossom in the heart of New Mexico.
BY MERRYN

If you're
seeking
Southwestern
wedding chic, look no further than the
Hyatt Regency Tamaya Resort & Spa,
situated on 550 sacred acres in Santa
Ana Pueblo, New Mexico.
Fly into Albuquerque and transfer on a
25-minute drive through a stunning high
elevation landscape to Hyatt Tamaya's
sprawling luxury resort in the foothills
of the Sandia Mountains. Created in
collaboration with the Santa Ana Pueblo
Native American tribe to preserve and
present their indigenous
traditions,
there is room to move at this resort with
a difference.
Choose your accommodations from
350 pueblo-style guestrooms and suites
decorated
in classic contemporary
Southwestern style-many rooms enjoy
views onto the surrounding mountains,

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multi-hued mesas, fields and walking
trails. Enjoy the delightfully designed
common areas and the lodge-style
decor, beautiful pottery and artworks
on display. Relax by the open fireplaces
of the Rio Grande Lounge. Beyond
beckons the Tamaya Veranda where you
can relax with a drink-perhaps
a glass
of local Gruet sparkling wine-and take
in the sunset views. Come back for a
nightcap underneath the starlight!
Unwind at the award-winning Tamaya
Mist Spa & Salon by taking one of
their very special treatments; different
seasonal packages are available for
couples or singles focusing on hydration,
detox, and renewal, incorporating local
ingredients and methods-try the Prickly
Pear Toning Wrap or the Lavender Dry
Brush Therapy.

Feeling active? Take a horseback
ride through the foothills on one of the
gentle rescue horses from the Stables
at Tamaya; walk or cycle through the 5
miles of walking trails that surround the
property. This is a place where the land
and animals are respected and nurtured.
Cool off at one of three swimming pools
that sparkle under the expansive desert
sky. Peruse the arts, crafts, sundries
and souvenirs for sale at the Trading
Post and gallery. For a transcendental
experience, book a dawn flight in a
hot air balloon-a
quintessential New
Mexico experience, and the best way to
appreciate the unique landscape.
The New Mexico food boom is on
display at the resort's five outstanding
restaurants-Santa
Ana Cafe with its
Southwestern casual bistro meals is

FEATURES/

TRA

open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
But after sundown our pick is Corn
Maiden, a romantic restaurant offering
regionally-inspired dishes in an intimate
and ornate Southwestern ambience.
Tuck into Shrimp Bon-bon stuffed with
lobster mousseline, Duck Breast with
calabacita tamale and charred pico,
or rotisserie grill Strip Loin served with
a selection of locally-inspired
sides
such as green chile potatoes au gratin,
cactus chutney and grilled peach salsa.
Vegetarian options are available.
When it comes to weddings, Tamaya
offers you a grand and vibrant backdrop
for your ceremony. A union of epic
proportions is possible in the 29,000
square feet of indoor space (the
Tamaya ballroom is gorgeous!); or the
25,000 square feet of outdoor space,
including the majestic outdoor Sunrise
amphitheater with flagstone pathways
and views of the Rio Grande Bosque.
Let the sacred goddess of nature be
the witness to your commitment.
For something
more intimate, the
picturesque 8,000sq. ft. Cottonwoods
Gazebo and Pavilion framed by charming
cottonwood trees is a lovely choice. The
House of the Hummingbird is an outdoor
manicured garden space modeled on
the footprint of an adobe Pueblo. With
views of the Sandia Mountains and the
sacred Tuyuna Mesa, your event will be
infused with a special atmosphere. You
may even wish to add a fairytale touch
such as a horse-drawn carriage ride for
you and your bride. Personalized tasting
menus that incorporate your culinary
preferences with local influences and
ingredients are available. Imagine taking
your vows in a place imbued with such a
rich respect for culture and nature. For
menus, packages and inclusions call
(505) 867 1234.
Tamaya is a TAG-approved, genuinely
LGBTQ-friendly resort. The staff are
dedicated and sensitive to minority
identities and they will work with you to
ensure that your dream day is beyond
your wildest expectations. And should
you want to explore the area, day trips are
available for you and your guests. Santa
Fe, with its many galleries, restaurants,
and boutiques is only 45 minutes away.
(tamaya.regency.hyatt.com) •

Tamaya Mist Spa & Salon

Richmond isn't foolin' around. This
Virginia city of some 220,000-about
1.2
million in the metro area-has recently
embraced the LGBT community more
warmly than just about anyplace else in
the South. Already home to a crackerjack
Pride Fest (vapride.com)
held
in
September, when the weather has cooled
down and college students from schools
like Virginia Commonwealth University
are back in town, Richmond began
pushing hard for gay tourist dollars back
in 2014. That's when Richmond Region
Tourism and its community partners
debuted OutRVA (richmondisout.com),
an initiative designed to welcome LGBT
travelers with open arms into the former
capital of the Confederacy.
The OutRVA website is chock full of
helpful travel hints, as well as a detailed
calendar of events and even a gear
shop, but nifty marketing "don't mean a
thing" if the city it's selling "ain't got that
swing." Luckily, and without much fanfare,
Richmond appears to have become one of
the hippest 'hoods in the Mid-Atlantic. As
any resident will tell you, it's the third most
tattooed city in the country and home
to 100 murals; both statistics probably
have a lot to do with the presence of the
Institute for Contemporary Art at VCU.

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"It's the number one public art school
in the country," notes Bill Martin, director
of the Valentine (thevalentine.org), a
private museum dedicated to the history
of Richmond. "There's an artsy-hipster
thing happening here that's been going
on for about a decade. A lot of people
have moved downtown. Of course,
our Renaissance has been led by gay
pioneers taking risks, buying historic
properties and renovating them. And
the food scene in Richmond is on fire!
History is now a backdrop to art, food,
and outdoor activity."
Speaking of the Valentine, One
Love: LGBT Families is running at the
museum now through September 4.
Photographer Michael Simon's stunning
series of images of LGBT families in the
Richmond region features portraits of a
trans woman and her son, a polyamorous
family, a lesbian couple with their baby,
and many others. While you're at the
Valentine, take a peek at the Rainbow
Pride Flag, which the Federal Reserve
Bank of Richmond flew during Gay
Pride Month in 2011, creating quite
a controversy. There's also plenty of
glorious LGBT art to be found at the
Virginia Museum of Fine Arts (vmfa.
museum). The impressive collection

includes Art Nouveau sculptures of
lesbian dancer Loie Fuller and the work
of lesbian Abstract Expressionist Judith
Godwin.
Even more surprising than Richmond's
killer art scene is what it now has to offer
foodies. Chef Patrick Willis of the Jefferson
Hotel's
Lemaire
(lemairerestaurant.
com), who wows diners with his locally
sourced merging of southern and French
cuisine, says, "The top chefs in the city
are all friends. We support each other,
go to each other's restaurants. We don't
feel like we're competitors. I think that's
one reason the food scene here is so
amazing. There's also the mixing of
northern and southern influences, and
all the fresh produce and seafood."
Other culinary delights to be found
in Richmond include Peter Chang's

FEATURES/

(peterchangrestaurant.com),
the latest
eatery from the James Beard Awardnominated
chef,
and
L'Opossum
(lopossum.com), with its deeply funky
interior-including
more than two dozen
Statue of David figurines and (of course)
a stuffed opossum. The food also boasts
some fabulously flamboyant names: Hot
Black Bottom A La Mode, for instance,
a dessert "topped by a dominant rich
ganache and whipped cream." But make
no mistake, chef David Shannon serves
up such seriously wonderful fare that
the wait for a reservation can stretch to
weeks. No matter where you choose to
dine, afterward head on over to longtime
gayborhood
Carytown,
where
one
lesbian bar remains: Babe's (facebook.
com/babesofcarytown),
a multilevel
joint with a volleyball net, a dance floor,
and an anything-goes vibe.
Wondering where to lay your head
while you're in Richmond? The opulent
Jefferson
Hotel (jeffersonhotel.com),

TRA

built in 1895, is one of the South's
undisputed grand dames. Or for a
different vibe, take a room at the Quirk
Hotel
(destinationhotels.com/quirkhotel), an uber-cool, perfectly realized
new boutique property set within a
century-old Italian Renaissance building.
Both are centrally located downtown; the
Jefferson serves up regal goodies like
afternoon tea and a champagne brunch,
while the Quirk has its own gallery right
next door.
Whether you want to visit Richmond
during Virginia Pride in September, or
explore its myriad charms now-after all,
the weather's finally getting warm enough
to tackle the James River's big rapids with
Riverside Outfitters (riversideoutfitters.
net)-this is a city that's got a lot to love.
As one Peter Chang server says of it,
"Richmond is big enough you'll never
run into your enemies, but small enough
you'll always run into your friends."
(visitrichmondva.com) •

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--A~._.._~ Perched on the
ocean's edge
of the Hawaiian
island of Kauai is
Ko'a Kea Resort,
a honeymooner's
seaside dream.

Poipu, on the sunny southern shore
of Kauai, features several romanceworthy resorts, but we can personally
vouch for Ko'a Kea Hotel & Resort, a
breezily modern, 121-room boutique
property that was recently named the
#1 resort in Kauai by Travel + Leisure
magazine. Ko'a Kea does not express its
charm through plantation-style or Aloha
kitsch; rather, it offers seaside chic, with
each guestroom decorated in fresh,
contemporary colors and motifs. Most
rooms have balconies where you can sip
a beverage, soak up the sparkling views,
and contemplate your day's activities.
Plus, you're right on the water, with
just a few steps across the manicured
lawn and down onto the golden sand of
Poipu Beach and into sapphire-colored
water. The resort's on-site beach kiosk
provides you with all your water sports
equipment, or you can just bounce
in and out of the waves as we did and
enjoy watching the sun setting behind
Spouting Horn Park.
If you want to stay put during your
honeymoon or romantic escape, take
advantage of Ko'a Kea's saltwater pool,
and oceanfront spa cabana with its
local, indigenous-inspired
treatment
services. Dine at the excellent Red Salt

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restaurant where Executive Chef and
Kauai native Noelani Planas places the
emphasis proudly on fresh local seafood
presented with island flavors. Start with
ahi tartare with quail egg, avocado
mousse, ginger soy emulsion, and chili
oil but be sure to try the signature dish
of Madagascar vanilla bean-seared ahi
with forbidden black rice, avocadoginger salsa, mango vinaigrette. Red
Salt also serves breakfast with tropical
flair-lemon-pineapple
souffle pancakes
are the house specialty.
There's plenty to do locally, too. For a
full range of activities and options visit
the Poipu Beach Resort Association,
which serves local and tourists alike
(poipubeach.org). There's shopping in
the village, golf, and exploring nature
including the National Tropical Botanical
Garden, or hiking along the coast's clifftop trails.
Ko'a Kea Hotel & Resort is romantic
and LGBT-friendly, and we weren't the
only lesbian couple staying there! Take
advantage of the seasonal specials
such as the Summer R&R-Red Salt
and
relaxation-package,
which
includes credits for dining and spa for
three or more consecutive nights until
September. (meritagecollection.com)
•

LAST LOOK/

CROSSWO

Test your
lesbian knowledge
with our queer crossword.
BY MYLES MELLOR

ACROSS
1. She came out on her

4. show in 1997
She's the love of 1 across
7. You and me
10. She plays Alex in OITNB
11. It has many poses and
a mat
12. Loving wife of Lily
Tomlin: she wrote many
screenplays that her
lover starred in, first
name
13. Hon
14. Partner of wants
15. Sara Gilbert's love, first
name
18. Numerical suffix
20. You might order it at a
trattoria
21. "
of Love" movie
22. One of the locations of
"Million Dollar listing"
25. Love of 2 down, first
name
26. It comes before a vowel
27. "We're in this love
together" singer, Jarreau

28. Conquer, her heart for
example
31. Comedian in a Netflix
documentary named for
her
33. One with a golden touch
36. Keyword in the LGBT
community
37. "She's the
for me"
38. Barbara Jordan's love,
Nancy
40. Love of 41 across
41. Curb Your Enthusiasm
star, first name
44. She became famous in
Silence of the Lambs,
first name
46. Love of 44 across
48. Love of 1 down, first
name
49. Last name of one of the
ladies in the "Danali"
loving partnership

DOWN

2.
3.
4.

5.
6.
8.
9.
12.
13.
16.
17.

19.
22.
23.
24.
29.
30.
32.
34.

1. She starred in Juno in

2007, her breakthrough
role, first name

35.

Writer on OITNB, first
name
Gets warmer
Daughter of Bilitis
founder, first name
Cleaning cloth
Stylish
Love of Tig
Romantic meetings
"
t'aime"
Couple
_ sense, 2 words
_ de plume, writer's
pseudonym
Mad Hatter's drink
Caffe follower
Lover of 49 across, first
name
It might transport you to
the red carpet
Little girl, in Spanish
Indication
Neighbor of France, for
short
Love of 4 down, first
name
More seductive

39. A while back
41. Puts on
42. Still open, as door
43. Billie_ King
44. Sauce made from meat
juices
45. Water barrier
46. Large tree
47. Paternity evidence

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TLOOK!STARS

Summer's
LastSimmer
As Venus jiggles in Cancer and Mars roasts in Leo, the
heat is on. Do I smell a hot cha-cha time?
BY CHARLENE LICHTENSTEIN

EVAN RACHEL WOOD

was born on September 7,1987.

ARIES
(MARCH
21-APRIL
20)

LEO
(JULY
24-AUG
23)

SAGITTARIUS
(NOV
23-DEC
22)

Aries will discover several
romantic opportunities right
outside their front door if
they keep their eyes and
hearts open. You won't need
to travel far to feel like you're
exploring the world. Press
your lusty luck by planning
get-togethers with a bevy of
beauties and see which one
sparks your interest.

Lionesses have a few saucy
secrets up their sleeves. But
it will be difficult to keep
them under wraps. Will you
reveal more than you expect?
A little vulnerability can be
very sexy and alluring. Just as
long as you show just a little.
Too much and the delicious
mystery is gone.

Sagittarius is especially sexy
and alluring now. You are ship
shape for cruise season and
are randily ready for any babe
who washes up on your shore.
You may even want to search
for her a bit far afield. Seek
your adventure through the
rest of summer. There are still
some hot spots left for you to
fully explore. Yours or hers ...?

VIRGO
(AUG
24-SEPT
23)
TAURUS
(APRIL
21-MAY
21)
%
VIRGO
%

Speak the words of love and
someone special will hear
you. Taurus can advance her
domestic agenda as summer
rolls on. But take stock of a
longterm family issue that
needs a diplomatic touch. You
can finally rid yourself of any
future stressful interactions.
Will it be a meeting of the
minds or a mindful break?

(AUG
24-SEPT
23) %
%
Virgo is fussy and choosy %
%
in love. She will patiently %
wait for the right lovergrrl to %
%
unclog her fountainhead but, %
%
in the interest of experience %
%
and comparison shopping, %
will go through a slew of ill %
%
equipped plumbers in the %
%
meantime-and she doesn't %
%
mind letting them know %
when they fall short. %
% GEMINI
(MAY
22-JUNE
21)
%
% Think ostentatious displays
LIBRA
%
of money work like a babe
(SEPT
24-0CT
23) %
%
%
While sapphic Libra is ideally % magnet? Short-term,
looking and hoping for a life % perhaps. Long-term, no. Let
%
partner and not some quick % your ardent actions speak
%
flick and lick, she is prone to % louder and prouder than a
infidelity. The idea of growing %
% gaudy trinket. Of course, a
old alone is anathema to % bathtub full of champagne
%
her. However, because she % adds more to your moves
%
is incredibly idealistic in love, % than a date at Burger King.
many seemingly small things %
%
can scuttle the love boat and % CANCER
(JUNE
22-JULY
23)
%
set her mind wandering. % You are a superstar, Cancer,
%
% and that is why you should get
%
% out of your comfort zone and
% increase your social quotient.
%
% Your charisma hits a high note
%
..................................................% and your personal oil can be
%
spread over many interesting
Charlene
Lichtenstein
is theauthor %
%
of HerScopes:
AGuide
to Astrology% women. Who knows? It could
%
ForLesbians
(Simon
& Schuster) % even be profitable as your
%
nowavailable
asanebook. % ideas suddenly get backers
%
(tinyurl.com/HerScopes)
and investors.
~
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You may sense that girlfriends
are keeping something from
you and feel the need to
pry it out of them. But chew
on things before you bite,
Virgo. You may spoil their big
surprise! After all, it's coming
up on your birthday and it'll be
more fun to let events unfold
as bosom buddies see fit.

CAPRICORN
(DEC
23-JAN
20)
Take a good look at the
current state of your
relationships. Some could use
some TLC and others may be
too much trouble to be worth
it. Capricorns are practical
women. You know what you
need and who to get it from.
Those who stoke your passion
will win out.

LIBRA
(SEPT
24-OCT
23)
You will be able to make a big
splash at work, aided by some
powerful executive female
mentors who are there to
give you some needed sage
advice. So play your hand with
added expertise, Libra, and
see how far up the corporate
food chain you can climb.
Before you know it you will be
in the top executive tier.

SCORPIO
(OCT
24-NOV
22)
An exotic, sensual stranger
will make herself known
to you. Be prepared to get
out of your comfort zone
and expand your horizons.
You may surprise yourself,
Scorpio. While always
suspicious and strategic, you
may cast off your reservations
and take a risk on someone
totally unexpected and
daring.

AQUARIUS
(JAN
21-FEB
19)
Get in touch with your body
and see what it needs to
attain greater a higher level
of perfection ... if that is even
possible. From now to the
end of the summer, resolve
to become more healthy
in diet, drink and exercise.
Aqueerians who focus on
fitness will soon impress
their partners with their
rejuvenated outlooks.

PISCES
(FEB
20-MARCH
20)
You will have an active time
now as you see the need to
balance fun with work. Your
practical instinct is to apply
yourself on the job, tackling
various detailed tasks. But
your heart cries for fun, frolic,
sun and festivities. Try to find
time for both. All work and no
play make Guppies dull girls.

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